To think I'm not doing my son a disservice?

[pizzafrenchfries]

Have name changed for this as very identifying...

Before I had my son I was a professional trainer in a sporting field - now I've had my son that career really does not suit family life (I knew before I had him that I would need to make some changes) I went back to study a professional legal qualification, starting almost immediately after I had him as it was something I needed to do to support us. It was hard at first, but my OH was incredibly supportive and he's been a relatively easy baby (I study in the evenings when he's in bed or when he is napping) I spend one day a week at uni, where my
Mil looks after him (she volunteered to do this for which I am very grateful but if we needed to put him into nursery we could)

Anyway I regularly go to a baby yoga group and last week we were all discussing our births- I said I'd had an emergency c section. At the end of the class the instructor took me
Aside and said she could now see why I was struggling to bond with my son (I didn't think I was) due to the c section and she'd hoped the classes would have meant i would have eventually bonded with him and thus given up on law as I wouldn't feel the need to look else where to feel complete. I was completely shocked and managed to say I hadn't failed to bond with my son and left.

When I got home I spoke to my MIL about it who actually agreed with the instructor and said I was doing my son a disservice at spending time elsewhere. This came as a complete shock as I thought she supported me. She also dropped in a few things about how I focused too much on my appearance (I just jog everyday with a running buggy) and needed to spend more time with my son one on one.

After reading a thread on here about working and having a newborn baby I'm now completely questioning everything! Just to make it clear I have an undergrad degree and I find law easy so I don't feel that I am pursuing something unattainable! My partner works flexible hours and I was completely happy with how it was going- but now I'm not sure if I'm doing the right thing?! Help!

The only person you're doing a disservice to is yourself. By spending time with so many silly cunts.

Obviously don't give that jumped up vagina drunk moron of a yoga instructor any more of your money. MIL will be harder to deal with.

They both sound horrible and judgemental. You do whatever works for you and your family, it has nothing to do with anybody else.

My mil was similar after my sons birth (I already had a 4 year old too). I started a full time PGCE when he was 6 months old and he went to a childminder. That was 11 years ago and I have worked full time as a teacher ever since. My MIL was really disappointed that I wanted to have a career instead of look after my children. Luckily for my kids I managed both. They are happy, normal kids despite me not spending every waking hour with them. MIL on the other hand is still a miserable, judgemental cow.

Wow shit. I take back everything I said about giving MIL the benefit of the doubt.

Find a nursery / childminder. You don't need that kind of crazy in your life.

Your DH is a star. Your MIL is clearly unhinged. I don't see childcare wise that there is any coming back from this - let's face it, when confronted she just dug herself deeper.

Oh god, I did pregnancy yoga with one of those doula/mother earth types. I ended up with a crash section and I was the only person out of our class who wasn't invited back with the baby. She was an utter, utter cow and made me feel like I'd failed. Ignore, ignore, ignore.

With the MIL - she's a piece of work! At least it's all come to a head before the baby can talk because you can bet your arse she spends a lot of time PA wittering about you when she has him.

You and your DH sound like a fab team, well handled!

What the actual fucking fuck!!
Yoga teacher is a cunt. MIL needs to wind her neck in. I think you're brilliant. I'm studying too, have 1 DD and baby on the way and have no intentions of stopping! It's definitely not impossible, it's not even difficult if you're organised. Well done to your OH for sticking up for you too. You are not doing you DC a disservice by teaching him the value of education and hard work.

Your MIL is a piece of work.

So essentially, she doesn't want her grandson raised in your non-pristine house and you should move back in with her so she can keep an eye on you and make sure you're not becoming a raging alcoholic spilling tea on the baby.

A pristine house is a sign of a wasted life if you've children, btw. Ignore her. Plus, it's not just your responsibility. There are two grown ups in your house. MIL is just projecting her own sad life methinks.

I wouldn't let her watch the little one any more. She'll undermine you at every turn. She's not trustworthy to be on her own with him.

Sounds like you married a good man, though. I'm glad he read her the riot act and has demanded an apology that had better be forthcoming to you.

Good luck!

Oh goodness this is like modern mother bingo. I'm going to guess that MIL won't approve of those tasteful pink clothes your son adores either...

My pregnancy yoga teacher advised me not to have ultra sounds when I was pregnant. When I told I had already had several (genetic disorder in family that needed checking) she was horrified and told me that my DS would have found them extremely distressing!

I went to her baby yoga class too but she was a fervent anti-vaxxer and one of the other babies caught whooping cough and she pointed him out as a success story for whooping cough not being that bad! Cue a stream of horrified mothers and tiny babies getting stuck in the door as we all tried to get out of the room!

Absolutely bloody barking😀😀

I wonder if it's the same one, her name started with an L.

Anyway OP, if you are happy and your baby is happy and your husband is happy then you are doing well!

Oh god quickquicksloe I am howling because that seems so similar to my experience (her name does not begin with an L) she reassured us all about herd immunity which obviously doesn't work if no one is vaccinated?
This has just made me think back over every class and just quite how bananas she really is...!

There were quite a few things said that I didn't agree with I just never expected her to be quite so personal! As for c section- mine was not optional and I wish I had gone massively into details as to what had occurred- mind you I told her I'd had hyperemesis and her response was 'when your body is creating a miracle such as life you are bound to feel a bit sickly' ... ok then that's me told!

I'm sure this will sound offensive to some on the thread but the type of woman who spends her life teaching sodding mother and baby yoga classes is the type who in my opinion has a screw loose, not you. Don't go back to the class and consider writing to tell her how much what she said is inappropriate and hurtful.

Ignore the MIL too!!

Holy fucking shit

I'm not sure I could forgive her for that. I'm really glad that you and dh make such a good team

I can't believe your yoga instructor said that. Who does she think she is? It's none of her business. What an odd woman. Ignore!

All I can say is shut that shit down OP. Find a nursery and give a bit of distance.

To insinuate you might have a drinking problem, that you are neglectful, that you house is unfit.....that is not just looney, that is dangerous.

Thank god your husband seems reasonable.

Your MIL is Crackers OP,that is all

In some ways she's done you a favour. In no uncertain terms she's let you know exactly what she thinks about you and your parenting.
She sounds bitter and jealous.
Vote with your feet. Your DH sounds fab. He's stopped her in her tracks and totally supported you.
I struggled on with my Mil for 25 years. It started off as passive aggressive comments about whatever she felt like critisising me about. I don't like conflict so let her get away with it. She's got loads of jealousy issues around my Mum and thinks the sun shines out of dh's backside, which most certainly isn't the case. (In a rare moment of balance about 5 years ago she told me she thought he was totally selfish and to kick him out but not send him to her because she wasn't having him).
She decided to ignore what she could see in front of her, changed her tune and became more and more hostile towards me, making nasty digs at every opportunity. The worst part for me was she started on a campaign to discredit me to my older DC and DH. He has been really weak standing up for me. So, she has pushed me and dc away. Over the years, I have gently tried to explain how she made me feel. She apologised each time, stopped for a short while, then couldn't help herself.
The point of this is you have a chance now to take control and stop her criticism. I wish I had got up and left her house every time she started making nasty comments. Instead, I stayed and she got away with it.

Honestly someone who has the audacity to admit that they judge my life and my parenting by the cleanliness of my oven would not be looking after my child.

Sounds like you and dh are managing your MIL really well. She clearly has views fresh out of the 50s. Most women these days are back at work part time at least by 7 or 8 months in my experience. In my circle of baby friends all but 2 were. We did a range from 2 to 5 days a week and nobody accused us of not having time friends or the babies. Several of us had c sections and nobody accused us of not bonding.
On the other subject I think you do need to report the yoga woman somehow. You mentioned that she may not even be qualified so this makes it trickier but I didn't think she should get away with her horrible comments. She could say the same to someone less robust than you and cause all kinds of problems.

Isn't it funny how as new mothers we don't get blamed if we slump on the sofa and watch daytime television. But if we try to do something for our professional development, then that turns us into cold-hearted bitches.
So bloody true ! You sound like you have taken to motherhood like a duck to water. Keeping fit and studying law ! I'm in awe of you. Your proof if you have the motivation of what can be achieved. Well done you. And ignore the bitches. You are making them feel inferior. They are jealous.

i've had 6 c sections and thankfully never had problems with bonding with my kids, some people like your yoga 'idiot and stupid mil talk out of their arses. if you are happy with things ignore such stupid remarks from others.

Well, at least the yoga teacher's silly comment has brought your MIL out into the open! Better to know what she really thinks than to have her muttering behind your back buying oven cleaner and coming up with tea stain conspiracies without you having any clue what is going on.

You can check to see if you feel bonded. There will be lots on line.

However it's very balanced to look after your needs too. A happy mum equals a happy baby. It's healthy/balanced to run (bet your kid loves it) and following your studies suits you. Maybe your mil was quite bad at looking after her own needs when her kids were little? Maybe your yoga teacher just has a screwed idea about c sections and bonding

She just wants you both to move in with her so she can have more control over her precious grandson, to protect him from the filthy home that he lives in,with the selfish cow that drags him here, there and everywhere seeing the world and interacting in it instead of playing with him 100% of the time in his nice quiet clean home.

Op give up your studying and spend that time cleaning, you filthy, selfish woman

Omfg.

Put ds in nursery for that day. Could you report the yoga bitch? Do these cunts have a regulating body? Or if she rents a space for her classes could you complain to the local authority/gym where ever it's held?

Baby yoga my arse.