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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to want to tell them their child smells?

186 replies

morebubblyplease · 11/02/2017 23:19

DS (8) loves to play with a little 10-year old boy in our street. He comes to our house almost every afternoon and they play football in the street or x-box in the living room. He is sweet, polite and happy and we're very happy to have his company. Problem is that his clothes are often stained and dirty, and more often than not, he smells. My boys don't like going to his house because they say it's messy and smelly and his clothes seem to live on the floor - so I suspect not a lot of washing of clothes happens, which would explain the pong... The smell lingers after he's gone, it's in the car long after we've got back from the park and it makes me wish he'd stop coming round. But that would upset DS and be unfair on the boy as it's not his fault. So what can we do? Sending an anonymous note to his parents seems sly, but neither of us has the guts to tell them... Any suggestions?

OP posts:
YouHadMeAtCake · 12/02/2017 00:48

bandit that's the second time you've said you've been called a twat, I haven't seen one post calling you a twat. Can you show us which posts you're referring to?

ChishandFips33 · 12/02/2017 00:49

How is he like food wise? Does he appear hungry? Do you offer snacks and he eats quickly etc?

You may be the only one looking out for him.

Contacting the school could be a good idea - his uniform may be ok so they may not be aware of any underlying issues - or they may have minor concerns and your info might be the piece of the jigsaw they need to follow it up

getting changed out of uniform - it could be a good thing (switch off from school) or that he doesn't have a lot of uniform/means for it to be washed and needs to wear it again

Does your DS get changed out of uniform too - it could be a way of exploring his clothes situation a little.
However I'd be wary of drawing attention to it too much as he will probably already be aware and be embarrassed.

I hope he isn't being bullied for this at school Sad

OopsDearyMe · 12/02/2017 00:50

Raccoon - playing devils advocate, why don't you go ahead and tell us what it is YOU feel the OP should do?

OopsDearyMe · 12/02/2017 00:50

Then go away

YouHadMeAtCake · 12/02/2017 00:52

oops Grin

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 12/02/2017 00:52

I wondered if you might be drunk Racoon because it can impair judgement.

You have made several "points" that are either inaccurate or just weren't in the op's posts.

If you're not drunk maybe you are very, very tired? My toddler can get quite belligerent when she needs her bed.

sonlypuppyfat · 12/02/2017 00:53

I think a nerve has been hit with Racoon

MommaGee · 12/02/2017 00:53

OP is passing judgement on a family she herself does not know but deemed fit enough for her child to visit many times unsupervised
They live a few doors apart, they know the dad to say hi and the kidsl like eachp other. She's hardly parcelling him off to strangers overnight!

Dad does not work apparently and watches tv all day.
Actually op said both work but DS has said that when he's off work he sits and watches telly
Child is not at her childs school and she has limited contact with but she knows they smell but are well cared for
Child is at her house so of course she knows he smells him. However presumably he looks well fed, no bruises, generally a happy kid. DS has been round and hasnt mentioned anything beyond the mess

I know as much about the OP as she does about this child
Wait, does the OP come round your house most days to play??

RacoonBandit · 12/02/2017 00:54

Moving. You are so sad you view everyones life if it were your toddlers. Maybe more adult time for you is needed. HTH.

Pinbasket · 12/02/2017 00:54

Racoon
If the child smells regularly and to the extent that the op states,, then the child is not well cared for! At least in that respect. It's likely that there will be very poor hygiene in other ways in the home- toilet, fridge bedding, kitchen utensils etc which can be very significant health risks. The only way is for a home visit to be done to assess what the situation is. I also wonder if their home has damp, as that can cause clothes to smell very badly.
I would contact his school in the first instance to report your concerns, and hope that they decide to do a home visit themselves or refer directly to ss. That way, it doesn't identify op as the reporter, and the child can continue to have a relationship with ds and some support from op.

YouHadMeAtCake · 12/02/2017 00:55

pg53 I am so sorry. I recall a few children at school. I clearly remember their names and faces. They were terribly bullied , even as a young child I felt so bad for them.

CaraAspen · 12/02/2017 00:56

Raccoon, you have had the attention you clearly crave. I too wish you would just go away. You are embarrassing yourself.

RacoonBandit · 12/02/2017 00:57

What nerve would that be sonly? I am just amazed at how you are all so eager to please you will jump on the slightest thing.

SpackenDeDoich · 12/02/2017 00:57

One of my DCs class mates was in the same situation.
If the child isnt obviously abused, hungery or disturbed you just have to get over it. Schools are shit hot on safeguarding vulnerable children. This will not have gone unnoticed. By all means report if it makes you feel better
20 years later my now adult children 'get it'.
Please make that child welcome. It will mean so much in so many ways than you could know.

Original poster
morebubblyplease · 12/02/2017 00:58

nog wow. I promise not to do nothing.

Re food, he says no to anything but apple which he eats happily with my DS. He honestly seems so happy and jolly and chatty always that I hope I'm making a mountain out of a molehill. But that could be a cover and maybe he does wish someone would intervene. He's a very lovely boy but next year is secondary school and if he's not bullied yet, surely he will be then...

OP posts:
MouseClogs · 12/02/2017 01:01

Raccoon, the crux of the issue here - that you are failing spectacularly to get - is that in a situation that could be neglectful or abusive but equally may not be, it is utterly irresponsible to turn a blind eye altogether, but also reckless to march in and act without considerable amounts of prior consideration or discussion with other people.

What about that do you find so hard to understand?

Original poster
morebubblyplease · 12/02/2017 01:03

momma Wait, does the OP come round your house most days to play?? LOL

OP posts:
YouHadMeAtCake · 12/02/2017 01:03

I think Racoonbandit finds a lot of things difficult. Being civil is one of them . I'm still waiting to see the posts where she was called a twat.

RacoonBandit · 12/02/2017 01:06

That posting on here is pointless.

From your own post Mouse there is no solution.
If a childs welfare was concerning me enough to post on a forum at this time of night then that would be enough for me to take it further.
At 11:19pm on a Saturday night if I am up worring about a child that is not my own then i would call those who can actually help the child.

Ncpg53 · 12/02/2017 01:09

I wasn't undernourished, I ate food at home but it was whatever frozen stuff or fried food was put in front of me. I didn't know what fresh fruit and vegetables were. They weren't something I had at home.

So if I visited a friends and was offered food I usually refused as it wasn't something I'd have at home and was afraid to try anything new and different. Even as an adult I still struggle with it.

Also I used to be worried about accepting anything in case my parents found out as they deemed it rude given I got fed at homeHmm

I was a lonely child, I had some friends but I'm sure most parents discouraged their kids from playing with me because I smelled and was a bit strange with greasy unbrushed hair.

I was bullied I know that much for it but I can't remember specific instances I think I've blocked it out like I have much of my childhood.

It upsets me to think there could be someone else out there in that situation and that people think it's not their business to say anything or that the school would pick it up if something was wrong. The school don't always pick up these things somethings get missed

NotStoppedAllDay · 12/02/2017 01:19

Love how the op is totally ignoring the troll!

Lou898 · 12/02/2017 01:21

Don't leave it to the school.....if you have concerns then report it.....you can do this anonymously if you want to. Social care direct will investigate and offer support to the family if necessary.

RacoonBandit · 12/02/2017 01:21

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

OopsDearyMe · 12/02/2017 01:28

And that Raccoon is your opinion, now everyone give raccoon a round of applause and Darling dontvletvthe door hit you on the way out to the kebab shop!

.... Now back in the real world!

RacoonBandit · 12/02/2017 01:36

Another witty retort.

Lets hope enough posters like it and comment Oops because thats why you really comment isnt it....for the likes.
Love the kebab comment. You are not sounding middle class at all with that comment.

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