AIBU to want to tell them their child smells?

[morebubblyplease]

DS (8) loves to play with a little 10-year old boy in our street. He comes to our house almost every afternoon and they play football in the street or x-box in the living room. He is sweet, polite and happy and we're very happy to have his company. Problem is that his clothes are often stained and dirty, and more often than not, he smells. My boys don't like going to his house because they say it's messy and smelly and his clothes seem to live on the floor - so I suspect not a lot of washing of clothes happens, which would explain the pong... The smell lingers after he's gone, it's in the car long after we've got back from the park and it makes me wish he'd stop coming round. But that would upset DS and be unfair on the boy as it's not his fault. So what can we do? Sending an anonymous note to his parents seems sly, but neither of us has the guts to tell them... Any suggestions?

He's in a different school from mine, and the thing about dad and the telly is that that's what my DC said he was doing every time they've been to his house. I've never been.

Are we talking sweaty armpits or a poo smell? I have a ten year old and he has started to smell sometimes. Do they have a big family? I do. Keeping lots of children clean is quite a challenge. Especially when they get old enough to want to shower themselves. our washing machine is always on the go!
Could it be that this boy doesn't wipe properly? If so that is not nice for him or anyone around him. Contacting school is a good suggestion. They are trained to handle these things as tactfully as possible.

You know noghing about this family.

You have already assumed they are low paid and sit around not working and watching telly.

Truth is you have never even come close to this child you are just passing judgement. You dont even know the parents only seen them at pick up time.

The child is in your house every day yet you barely know the parents!?

That all seems wrong.

Only child. Clothes are visibly dirty and stained and it's that kind of smell.

Grimy clothes are not necessarily indicative of neglect - just different priorities sometimes. I have a very good friend ( a solicitor by training married to a consultant urologist) whose six children were always grubby. They kept clothes in bin bags and were only washed if children put them in laundry basket. Children wore whatever they chose cobbled together into odd outfits. Children all very happy and very successful as they went off to university and work.

Odfo bandit OP doesn't sound at all superior. Leave him alone to be neglected? Anyone saying leave it alone is being ridiculous. As for maybe they don't have hot water/ maybe they have MH problems, bollocks maybe they're just lazy dirty neglectful bastards . I'm seeing excuses for neglect and even abuse more and more on MN lately .

I know what the parents do for a living and where. And I'm only reporting what I have been told by my DC and what I have observed. He lives 2 doors down and he and my DC knock on each other's doors all the time so they can play.

This was me. I had an alcoholic mother and an absent father. I have never to this day gotten to the bottom of why, she and his other family when I later met them had completely different versions of events there. Point being that my home life was a mess and there was no one to keep on top of this stuff. I don't have any advice really, except the poor boy probably knows. I used to have sleepovers with a neighbors family as a child and was fed, given access to the bathroom etc, obviously not a regular thing but kind of them. It's hard.

I'd leave well alone if I were you, you say you don't suspect neglect, just dirty clothes. If BO isn't a problem now, it will be in a couple of years, poor thing.

Crumbs: this is not just grubby though, the child smells unclean to the extent it lingers afterwards.

Raccoon: i think YOU'RE the one making assumptions. "You know noghing about this family.

You have already assumed they are low paid and sit around not working and watching telly. "

OP said when the dad is not at work he "apparently" sits surrounded by mess watching the telly.

OP alrwdy said earlier that both parents worked so why are you trying to make out that she's a judgmental cow? You're reading far too much into the OP, I'm not sure why.

OP ignore the snarky comments, it is clear you are posting this out of concern. I have done similar in the past (under a different name) as I was very worried about the welfare of two children belonging to a friend. I got some good and varied advice here that I wouldn't have got in real life because it's not the kind of subject you can or should broach amongst people who may well know the family you are seeking advice on.

In terms of what you can do in this particular scenario, I'm not sure there is an easy answer unfortunately. If the smell is as bad as you describe then I can only assume other children at school have noticed it and if the poor boy isn't already being bullied it is likely it is a matter of time. I'm not sure approaching the school will do much good however, as they should already have picked up on this (I don't know how much notice they would take of a random person contacting them, however well meaning).

I think your options really are to either approach the parents or social services. I may err towards the latter as going directly to the parents yourself may well make them withdraw their DS from yours and it sounds like your house is a bit of a sanctuary for him.

My kids don't go to his house anymore because it is messy. Their word. We chatted to his dad quite a lot in the summer when they would both come with us to the beach near where we all live. That's how we know where they both work and what they do.

A few years ago I was a TA in a primary school and we had a dirty little boy in class. Dirty clothes and he smelled bad. Occasionally the school nurse would give him a change of clothes to wear during the day and put his clothes through the washing machine at school.

His family were very poor and totally disfunctional. I think they just didn't think they needed to wash clothes very often.

No access to clean clothes IS neglect. How are any parents not aware of this? bandi if you suspect then report it rather than posting it . Disgusted by the leave well alone mentality.

racion is just trolling, why engage?

Take him swimming?
As a pp said too, I used to have a friend like this & my mom used to do the same, we'd have a bath together (or paddling pool or swimming) & wash her clothes in the meantime. So she got a wash twice a week ish. Her parents never noticed/asked mom about it

racoon even!

OP, ignore the inexplicably hostile remarks on this thread. I'm glad you're concerned, and bothered to post for advice.

I'm shocked at the 'look the other way' comments. You know which school he attends? Can that be a first step, speaking with the school?

Thank god we are all different then

Op, your concern for this boy is apparent in your posts.

Its really NOT a Social Services emergency issues, is it ?