To be this desperate? Or do I need a reality check?

[wellwouldyou]

This is so outing, but what the hell, I've namechanged. I'm 36. I've yet to have a relationship with either the opposite sex or mine, and I'm fast approaching 'fuck it, I've given up' territory.

Someone's just shared an ad on faceache for a programme for people like me and asking for applicants.

Should I try it, thinking it can't make life much worse ... or can it?

Any thoughts?

I think that there are more people in your situation than you might think. The thing is, people don't go round shouting about it because it is seen as weird. If you were to go on a date with someone, (presumably) you wouldn't talk about your complete lack of experience until you knew the person better. People don't advertise that they are lonely or inexperienced because they know it will put potential partners off.

You say you haven't been attracted to anyone for ages - this suggests that you have given up, or at least are not putting yourself in situations where you can meet new people. Well-meaning people like to spout bullshit like "you'll find love when you're least expecting it" so "you don't need to go looking for it" but this isn't usually true. Yes, some people get lucky and just find love easily, but the rest of us have to work at it.

Walter, seriously, are you on the right thread? Of course I've tried online dating!

Wow. I only saw this. Hardly necessary. Perhaps you should just try to be nicer...

Crikey! I think it's really sad that you describe yourself as ugly.
Your confidence and lack of self esteem is probably the biggest obstacle you need to overcome in order to develop a relationship with someone.
I'd definitely tackle that before you lay yourself bare in the name of entertainment, because I can't see that ending well.
I think you are doing yourself a major disservice.

Daily, it wasn't intended aggressively but in a 'jokey' tone.

I felt Walter was trying to goad so I used humour as a deflection and to try to move on.

Online dating doesn't work because no one is interested.

Are you by any chance on the pill for medical reasons?

I was from the age of 14 and it dampened my attraction to anyone and no one showed any interest in me. Coming off the pill was a revelation and suddenly sexual attraction was there in both directions.

The pill stole my twenties where relationships are concerned!

No, never been on the Pill

Wtf?? You post some vague thing about a programme and not being attracted to anyone. I ask a couple of questions for clarity and I'm goading??

If you're this angry and negative in real life you won't be presenting the best image of yourself and will struggle to connect with anyone.
I know your attitude is born of frustration and I do understand why you would feel this way but it's going to put off potential partners.
What have you tried to increase your self esteem and confidence? It's awful that you put yourself down so much I'm sure you don't deserve it.

You started asking about virgins, a sexuality and implying (I think) I would pay for a partner so it did come across as trying to goad me, yes. Anyway, presumably you weren't, so let's move on :)

I'm not angry or negative :) I have no issue with making or keeping friends, after all. However, I have no joy where romance is concerned.

Undateables often makes me cry, some of the people on it are so hopeful and honest.

I am sure you are not as ugly as you think. I would go to a counsellor and talk about this, rather than trusting some random programme on Facebook. The chances are it's your self-esteem/background baggage that's getting in the way, not your looks - and those things are totally fixable.

What has happened when you have tried online dating? Literally zero contact from anyone?

My personality isn't the issue.

In fairness, all I said to Walter was 'are you on the right thread' as I was genuinely confused as to how money had been brought into it. But anyway, even if we assume that you're all right and I am a horrible person along with being ugly as fuck, I'd still quite like a semblance at a normal life :)

That's right, Holly - well, sometimes messages from men twenty years my senior 50 miles away!

Loads of people of all shapes, sizes and looks are in relationships and find love. I am sure you are not at all ugly but you do seem to lack confidence in how you look. By all means sign up for this show. It might be what you need.

I didn't read an aggressive tone into what you said to Walter, just a bit impatient and maybe tart at worst...

Think it's rather worse for Walter to imply you need to work to have a 'semi decent personality' tbh.

No, it wasn't aggressive, just baffled! But anyway, even if it is my personality that is the problem, maybe that's why I need help. Who knows.

I don't get the angry vibe here... anyway, nope I wouldn't go on a TV programme, if it doesn't go so well would you want all the recognition? They'll possibly show re-runs, you'll be able to view any of it online over and over (forever ) and they'll edit it and bastardise it to suit the tone of the programme. I would not recommend it!

I think Walter wanted clarification on what you meant by programme, perhaps thinking that you were forking out for some kind of 'self-help' thing for single folk?

I wouldn't , you don't know how'll they'll edit it and it could make you feel worse
Be kinder to yourself

I don't think you should do the reality TV show, though. It sounds exploitative.

If you do have a bit of money, maybe look into joining a dating agency where they set you up on a few dates?

Even if you don't click with any of those people, it might help build confidence and practise interacting in date-mode?

I mean I'm not seeing an angry, horrible person vibe at all

I doubt it, I think they'd probably walk off on the date (this has happened before.)

Why do you think you are ugly?