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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To completely ignore this massive hint?

446 replies

Nicpem1982 · 10/02/2017 12:32

Do not to drip feed dh and I don't have a close relationship with bil and sil.

We have fundamentally different views of parenting and there was some weirdness around gift giving on our dds bday and Christmas last year.

Not heard from them since Christmas Day again not unusual we generally hear from them at birthdays and Christmas and if we bump into each other at inlaws it's smiling nodding and being polite.

To try and formulate a bond between our dd and dn we've facilitated a few sleepovers at ours and tbh it was bloody awful dn is spiteful, destructive and generally a pain so after the last one we (dh and I) said no more.

Had text today from bil saying "dn would love to come yours to see dds room again as she had lots of fun last time" no hi how are u nothing

Dn is 4.5 and dd is 2.5 so they're not close in age last time she was here she pulled dds pigtails and made her cry, stamped on and broke a toy and ripped up the toy money from dds till. Dh was cooking and I was playing with them but she'd done all of them before I could stop her and then smirked at me after.

Aibu to ignore his text

OP posts:
papayasareyum · 10/02/2017 14:02

they're very young really, aren't they? I don't think this is peculiar or odd behaviour from the 4 year old. I think many four year olds go through this sort of thing and develop into perfectly lovely children (or they're beautifully behaved as little kids only to become nightmare teens)
I think the crux of the matter here is that you hate the in-laws. You called sil vile. That might be true, but could you possibly be transferring some of the disgust for your sil onto your dn?

SalmonFajitas · 10/02/2017 14:03

Bloody hell they really are cheeky - clearly out for free childcare. Your response is good. Don't get into specifics - it doesn't work for you ad infitum. That's all they need to know. Out of interest how many sleepovers have they offered to host (even if you would never accept)?

pipsqueak25 · 10/02/2017 14:04

" hi bil, take your idea and shove it where the sun doesn't shine, now bugger off and good day to you !" [thanks mrs jolly]

SapphireStrange · 10/02/2017 14:06

Stop making out that it's just a very short-term thing; he will keep bugging you!

Tell them clearly that you're not doing sleepovers for the foreseeable.

dustarr73 · 10/02/2017 14:08

You are just giving them excuses.Say your dd i too young for sleepovers cause there is no was around that.They cant argue or find a solution.Plus its over text so easier.

Original poster
Nicpem1982 · 10/02/2017 14:08

Papya- my sis in law is vile that unfortunately is a fact an example is we went as part of a large group for lunch as it was her bday, the waitress very nicely bought all the children a helium balloon and there was a spare as my dd was a too small. One of dns friends predictably burst their balloon sil grabbed the spare and said well this ones mine it's my birthday so you'll have to go with out now to a crying 3 year old.

Needless to say that particular family don't have anything to do with them now.

OP posts:
Original poster
Nicpem1982 · 10/02/2017 14:09

Salmon -none they've never even pushed my dd on a swing at the park

OP posts:
GabsAlot · 10/02/2017 14:11

just say no cant do that right now

leave it at that they so09und rue and entitled

GabsAlot · 10/02/2017 14:12

sound*

diddl · 10/02/2017 14:12

""We could her drop around in the late afternoon when you're home and I could pick her up before you go out in the morning, she'd be really happy" "

Oh you mean you want babysitters-no that doesn't work for us.

Beeziekn33ze · 10/02/2017 14:13

DN doesn't have a very nice or mature DM, does she?!

SalmonFajitas · 10/02/2017 14:14

Well at first I thought maybe you were being a bit judgy but it does sound like they're a cheeky/downright not very nice pair. I agree with papayasareyum though that the DN might turn out to be perfectly nice - lots of young kids haven't got fully functioning empathy yet and can behave quite badly but grow up to be fine - I wouldn't assume DN is awful (although I probably would be put off hosting her for a sleepover until she's grown up a bit!).

BoomBoomsCousin · 10/02/2017 14:18

I think you have to feign surprise a bit here. Along the lines of :

"Another sleepover? Oh, no, sorry, I thought you just wanted to visit for the afternoon. DD was unsettled after the last one. I think she's still a bit young to be sharing her room over night. How about 12 - 4 on Sunday? We could all go out for lunch."

BlueFolly · 10/02/2017 14:18

Diddl's answer is perfect.

Original poster
Nicpem1982 · 10/02/2017 14:21

Salmon- behind closed doors I can be a bit of a judgy pants because we do things so differently and although it's not my business I disagree with a lot of what they do with dn, I've never judged them in front of either child even when dn informed me that "mummy said mini Nicpem is spoilt" I responded with "oh well some times mummy's an daddy's don't things differently"

Dn may turn out to be a lovely balanced young lady and I hope she does but until she stops the behaviours that she's currently exhibiting I won't be facilitating sleep overs

OP posts:
tovelitime · 10/02/2017 14:31

They're too young for sleepovers, I thought you were gong to say that they were 10! Mine stay at grandmas but there is no way I'd have had a 4 year old for a sleepover at mine, no way, even my niece who I absolutely adore and is DD's best friend

NoSquirrels · 10/02/2017 14:33

Ha! Cheeky.

I'd have gone with the fake surprise "Oh, I see - you meant a sleepover? Sorry, no can do at the moment but I'll check the diary and see when we could do lunch or afternoon tea sometime soon?"

Honestly, some people. Want a favour, just ask nicely for it. Using your 4 year old as the reason instead of admitting you'd like a night off is not cool.

Mikethenight2good · 10/02/2017 14:36

Ha! You are not alone! We have this. Bil and sil making out their children want to hang out with our DC, but never any mention of them taking our kids. Good luck op!

MerryInthechelseahotel · 10/02/2017 14:38

No romantic valentine night out for SIL 😂😂

Original poster
Nicpem1982 · 10/02/2017 14:39

Mike - so it's not just us then 😂 The thing is mil would have dn no question of it

OP posts:
honeysucklejasmine · 10/02/2017 14:40

Cheeky sod! I would call them on it "sorry, can't babysit, but would love for us all to get together at some point"

LindyHemming · 10/02/2017 14:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mikethenight2good · 10/02/2017 14:46

nicpem we have taken all kids to activities, etc while BIL & SIL have the weekend to themselves but have never offered to take our children. The last trip we were all meant to go together but they sent (elderly) PIL instead so effectively DH and I had 4 kids to look after whilst ensuring PIL were seen to too. Never again.

JennyWoodentop · 10/02/2017 14:49

"The ages the girls are at the moment , it's best if we do get togethers when both sets of parents are around, as things didn't go smoothly last time. We'll let you know when we are available."

or

"We won't be providing overnight babysitting for you so you will need to make other arrangements. All the best."

CalmItKermitt · 10/02/2017 14:49

Pushy gits! 😮