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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To completely ignore this massive hint?

446 replies

Nicpem1982 · 10/02/2017 12:32

Do not to drip feed dh and I don't have a close relationship with bil and sil.

We have fundamentally different views of parenting and there was some weirdness around gift giving on our dds bday and Christmas last year.

Not heard from them since Christmas Day again not unusual we generally hear from them at birthdays and Christmas and if we bump into each other at inlaws it's smiling nodding and being polite.

To try and formulate a bond between our dd and dn we've facilitated a few sleepovers at ours and tbh it was bloody awful dn is spiteful, destructive and generally a pain so after the last one we (dh and I) said no more.

Had text today from bil saying "dn would love to come yours to see dds room again as she had lots of fun last time" no hi how are u nothing

Dn is 4.5 and dd is 2.5 so they're not close in age last time she was here she pulled dds pigtails and made her cry, stamped on and broke a toy and ripped up the toy money from dds till. Dh was cooking and I was playing with them but she'd done all of them before I could stop her and then smirked at me after.

Aibu to ignore his text

OP posts:

Original poster

Nicpem1982 · 11/02/2017 18:16

Indigox- I think joint me and dh earn what bil does single as sil is sahm.

We have smaller outgoings regarding hobbies etc but we go on foreign holidays they don't. They're mortgage free but have an expensive pet we have a mortgage but it's tiny. They run 2 cars we run one and I use public transport for work

So it's swings and round abouts really

OP posts:

YouWillNotSeeMe · 11/02/2017 18:26

I think gemmagemma16 has told us her age, or perhaps I'm being optimistic there. But I liked your response OP!
You might not ever understand the thought processes in your SIL mind. Mine doesn't like me, will talk to me when people aren't there, but when her family/friends are present she ignore she me/blanks as if I am evil to her. Will message me rather than be seen to comment or "like" something on Facebook (can't let the friends/family think I am not the devil) acts normally to me in front of my family, doesn't want to see me on my own. Can't figure it out. It's sad, it hurts but I don't think i'lol ever understand why.

HashiAsLarry · 11/02/2017 18:36

Your SIL's name isn't Gemma is it OP?

DesolateWaist · 11/02/2017 18:47

Having read the christmas present thread now as well this seems utter madness.
At christmas he commented that you DD had too many presents etc however he then goes on to say how his DD wants to play with your DD's presents.
Text him and say that you would love to visit so DD can play with DN's iPad.

Original poster

Nicpem1982 · 11/02/2017 19:09

No she's not called Gemma 😂😂

OP posts:

BakeOffBiscuits · 11/02/2017 19:10

I must admit, I agree with Gemma

This thread is just weird.

Original poster

Nicpem1982 · 11/02/2017 19:14

You will not save me- mine just blanks me regardless of who's in the room or talks to the people around me! Thankfully my inlaws are fab and know she's a bit 😳.

desolate- wouldn't work my dd has an iPad that she plays with with us only twice a week (before I get swamped) and it was a present

OP posts:

clippityclock · 11/02/2017 19:35

Why can I not see the gemmagemma posts??

Your BIL and SIL sound bonkers!

Touchmybum · 11/02/2017 19:55

Can't any of you ask a straight question and give a straight answer?

I think your attitude towards a 4 year old child really isn't nice; I think both you and BIL have a couple of precious snowflakes - and why couldn't you babysit your niece and be nice about it? A 2 year old and a 4 year old shouldn't be left playing unsupervised anyway.

Chloe84 · 11/02/2017 19:58

Clippity it's just one crappy little post ('get a life') on p4.

Not worth any fuss.

Chloe84 · 11/02/2017 19:59

Touchmybum have you actually RTFT?

Original poster

Nicpem1982 · 11/02/2017 20:04

Touch - they weren't left unsupervised if you read the op it states I was playing with them.

I wasn't asked a straight question and to reply with it's not convenient in most people's vocabulary is sufficient to stop the pushing.

I didn't babysit my niece and "be nice about it" as aside from the fact she can't behave herself and I don't like crappy hints and being pushed especially when the person doing the pushing can't be bothered to contact us unless they want something.

Not wanting my dd to have her toys broken and her hair pulled in her own home doesn't make her a snowflake it makes me a mother.

OP posts:

JollyBobs · 11/02/2017 20:16

I'd just be as kind as possible, it sounds like you've got them sussed and you're quite right in not wanting to invite that level of carnage into your home. If you're kind and seemingly sincere there's no backlash (and if there is you can't be accused of not trying)

'Hi lovely to hear from you. How are you all? We've been so busy lately, so we're not up for any sleepovers at the mo but will let you know when we are free xxx'

HarryPottersMagicWand · 11/02/2017 20:53

Is your BIL this persistant or has your SIL been telling him what to say? I don't know any man who would have gone on the way he has. He really doesn't take a hint does he. Next time I'd be more upfront. Unfortunately all you may have done it commit yourself to a semi regular play date because from their end, they'll be hoping it leads to babysitting/sleepovers so it would be in their interests.

You won't have heard the last of this.

Original poster

Nicpem1982 · 11/02/2017 21:15

Harry Potter- I don't know I think it's a joint effort tbh. If they had plans on the days he's specified and we've not offered to babysit/sleep over it's unlikely I'll hear from them in the immediate future

OP posts:

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 11/02/2017 22:45

Oh I don't know Harry - from the last interchange I think Offendedness has set in on the BIL/SIL's side now, and I doubt the OP will hear back for some time (or at least until it's present time, or they want something else, like a cake)

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 11/02/2017 22:47

(I do know the word is offence, by the way, but somehow that didn't seem adequate! )

HashiAsLarry · 11/02/2017 22:50

Oooh I like Offendedness thumb. Its like a level above offence for when its beyond forgiveness with a simple apology.

RortyCrankle · 11/02/2017 23:43

Totally agree, Offendedness is far superior to offence

HarryPottersMagicWand · 11/02/2017 23:43

Offendedness is good. Depends on his brass neck and after some corkers on here, nothing would surprise me anymore!

Original poster

Nicpem1982 · 12/02/2017 07:29

Offendedness it is😂

OP posts:

snapcrap · 12/02/2017 08:24

I am amazed you sent so many responses and the posters who have encouraged it. I'd have sent one text and ignored the rest!

I'd have just said 'Can't do next few weeks and got so much on sorry, speak soon x'

I think dn been going on about dd's toys because she's a lot older and was able to run roughshod over dd and play with (and destroy) what she wanted. But let's not demonise a four year old, it's her parents faults as they clearly indulge her.

It is infuriating when people aren't direct. It would be so much less annoying if he said 'Hi could you do us a massive favour and bake dd's birthday cake?' then you can say yes or no and give honest reasons. Likewise 'DN would love to come to yours for another sleepover and we could do with a babysitter to be honest! Is that ok? we can reciprocate another time'.

snapcrap · 12/02/2017 08:24

*as got so much on

Dinnerout1 · 12/02/2017 10:01

I wouldn't allow any involvement with this other child family or not! Your child is being bullied by this other child and that's unfair. They obviously can't control their child or tell their child off. Your child is precious and doesn't deserve to be put through a ordeal just because they are family. They shouldn't be playing together anyway and their age groups can't interact because they are into different things. Just say no and stick up for your child! When your child is older she will be able to stick up for herself but still... Why would you let your kid go through this just because you don't want to hurt any if you're families feelings.. What about your child! Grow a pair! And tell them straight!

Dinnerout1 · 12/02/2017 10:04

Why on earth are you having sleep overs at their ages anyway! Your child is too young to understand what that is.

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