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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To completely ignore this massive hint?

446 replies

Nicpem1982 · 10/02/2017 12:32

Do not to drip feed dh and I don't have a close relationship with bil and sil.

We have fundamentally different views of parenting and there was some weirdness around gift giving on our dds bday and Christmas last year.

Not heard from them since Christmas Day again not unusual we generally hear from them at birthdays and Christmas and if we bump into each other at inlaws it's smiling nodding and being polite.

To try and formulate a bond between our dd and dn we've facilitated a few sleepovers at ours and tbh it was bloody awful dn is spiteful, destructive and generally a pain so after the last one we (dh and I) said no more.

Had text today from bil saying "dn would love to come yours to see dds room again as she had lots of fun last time" no hi how are u nothing

Dn is 4.5 and dd is 2.5 so they're not close in age last time she was here she pulled dds pigtails and made her cry, stamped on and broke a toy and ripped up the toy money from dds till. Dh was cooking and I was playing with them but she'd done all of them before I could stop her and then smirked at me after.

Aibu to ignore his text

OP posts:
BlueFolly · 10/02/2017 13:21

I'd go with... 'Sorry but DD didn't enjoy it last time so we'd rather not, thanks'

I wouldn't lie with talk of them being to young etc. as you're just storing up trouble for the future.

QueenofallIsee · 10/02/2017 13:21

Good for you Nicpem, hope that is an end to it!

Kadena127 · 10/02/2017 13:25

Maaaasssiiive hint there. Good choice for text.

Original poster
Nicpem1982 · 10/02/2017 13:27

I don't think bil will leave it there I will keep you posted

OP posts:
Stormtreader · 10/02/2017 13:28

Nice of them to drop in "dds room", makes it very clear that they are in no way suggesting that you visit them.

hutchblue · 10/02/2017 13:29

This reply has been withdrawn

The OP has privacy concerns and so we've agreed to take this down.

hutchblue · 10/02/2017 13:30

This reply has been withdrawn

The OP has privacy concerns and so we've agreed to take this down.

FrameyMcFrame · 10/02/2017 13:38

sounds like normal 4 year old behavior really. does she have a younger sibling?

Your daughter is really too young to be having sleepovers anyway.

Emmageddon · 10/02/2017 13:39

I'd just text "That's so sweet!!" and nothing else.

If he replies with "how about this weekend?" that's when you say "No, that's not possible" with nothing else. Never apologise, never explain.

ImperialBlether · 10/02/2017 13:41

Or send: "Oh that room had to be redecorated after DN trashed it. Better leave the visit for now."

Original poster
Nicpem1982 · 10/02/2017 13:43

"We could her drop around in the late afternoon when you're home and I could pick her up before you go out in the morning, she'd be really happy"

Time for less subtly I think, can't post conversation as couple of other things mentioned that would out me.

OP posts:
Original poster
Nicpem1982 · 10/02/2017 13:46

Framey - I don't know any other 4 year olds that behave like that and no she doesn't have any siblings.

As for too young it's her cousin I wouldn't have other small children for a sleep over yet, my dd has a really solid bed time routine as does dn both girls are asleep for 7 sleep through until 6.30 we're very fortunate like that.

OP posts:
HistoriaTrixie · 10/02/2017 13:47

"Sorry, no, really not got time or bandwidth to supervise a sleepover atm. Will let you know when it's convenient for us xx"

InvisibleKittenAttack · 10/02/2017 13:48

"Oh were not doing sleep overs at ours for a while, DD doesn't really settle with someone else is in her room and I need my sleep! But DH and I were just saying we'd love to see you all, how about we have a look for a date all 3 of you can come over for lunch on the weekend, the girls can play and we can catch up."

CJCreggsGoldfish · 10/02/2017 13:48

What a cheeky sod. I'd go with Historia's text, but possibly leave the 'sorry' off it.

JustSpeakSense · 10/02/2017 13:48

'Dear bil, thanks for your text, hope you are all well? We feel we need to put a halt to sleepovers for a while, as DD did not have such an enjoyable time the last time. Perhaps when both girls are a little older and more mature and are able to play more kindly and share better.'

ImperialBlether · 10/02/2017 13:48

He really wants a babysitter, doesn't he?

Just say, "Sorry, I've not been feeling well and I'm not up to babysitting at the moment." Call him on it.

Msqueen33 · 10/02/2017 13:48

Granted I have two kids with autism and one is four and one was four a few years ago and neither have ripped, smashed or trashed stuff. I wouldn't want to entertain and monitor that crap.

Kmxxx14 · 10/02/2017 13:49

How rude! Clearly they really need a babysitter.

honeylulu · 10/02/2017 13:49

Nicpem
Yes you are right - the time for subtlety is over! Just say no! Do it do it do it ....

SapphireStrange · 10/02/2017 13:52

You weren't clear enough, OP.

'What I meant was, we decided she's too young for sleepovers – she didn't really enjoy the last one. Now piss off and pay for a babysitter Later!'

TheMythOfFingerprints · 10/02/2017 13:55

You just need to be as rude as he is, which is very.

NeedMoreSleepOrSugar · 10/02/2017 13:57

Definitely don't apologise to the cheeky sod him. I'd go with something along the lines of "As I said, my calendar is a bit full at the moment, so I can't babysit for you right now"

Original poster
Nicpem1982 · 10/02/2017 13:58

"I don't think that would work, I'll check our calander and let you know when it's convenient for you all to come around."

OP posts:
diddl · 10/02/2017 14:01

"Visiting doesn't work atm"-with an attached pic of your daughter's room.

Don't try and force relationships for your ILs sakes.