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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To completely ignore this massive hint?

446 replies

Nicpem1982 · 10/02/2017 12:32

Do not to drip feed dh and I don't have a close relationship with bil and sil.

We have fundamentally different views of parenting and there was some weirdness around gift giving on our dds bday and Christmas last year.

Not heard from them since Christmas Day again not unusual we generally hear from them at birthdays and Christmas and if we bump into each other at inlaws it's smiling nodding and being polite.

To try and formulate a bond between our dd and dn we've facilitated a few sleepovers at ours and tbh it was bloody awful dn is spiteful, destructive and generally a pain so after the last one we (dh and I) said no more.

Had text today from bil saying "dn would love to come yours to see dds room again as she had lots of fun last time" no hi how are u nothing

Dn is 4.5 and dd is 2.5 so they're not close in age last time she was here she pulled dds pigtails and made her cry, stamped on and broke a toy and ripped up the toy money from dds till. Dh was cooking and I was playing with them but she'd done all of them before I could stop her and then smirked at me after.

Aibu to ignore his text

OP posts:
LuLaDoLa · 10/02/2017 15:25

Yep, just text back 'Sorry we can't babysit for you, sorry not'

dowhatnow · 10/02/2017 15:28

"At the moment there is too big an age gap and I'm not up to the hassle. Perhaps when they are much older and the age gap doesn't cause so many problems."

ohfourfoxache · 10/02/2017 15:29

Are they likely to turn up on Saturday anyway?

Smitff · 10/02/2017 15:30

Wow. So they were going to drop by on Saturday afternoon, presumably with an overnight bag already packed for dn, and then announce after a while that it all seems to be going swimmingly and go off to their own pre arranged evening out?

I wouldn't be able to help myself, I'd totally want to know what MIL is doing that night. Clearly they're asking you because she's not available.

Your reply is far more mature Grin

Sassenach85 · 10/02/2017 15:30

I cannot believe how cheeky they have been!! I'm intrigued to know how long they can drag this out!

Zucker · 10/02/2017 15:31

It's so odd his repeated references to your DD's room! I'd imagine SIL/BIL have cooked up this ingenious phrase as a way to wangle the sleepover. I agree it is so rude.

BIL is making his own child sound like Veruca Salt. She wants to play in your DD's room and with her toys regardless of what anyone else wants!

Stay strong on the NO front OP.

dowhatnow · 10/02/2017 15:32

Yes, is MIL busy on Saturday? Probably why they are desperate for you to do it.

Make sure you are out Sat afternoon and evening.

expatinscotland · 10/02/2017 15:35

If they still haven't got the hint after your latest response and I'd go with Historia's text.

WhatchaMaCalllit · 10/02/2017 15:37

"Hi - I've checked our calendar, it's not convenient. We'll be back in touch when we can".

HistoriaTrixie · 10/02/2017 15:38

It's so odd his repeated references to your DD's room!

Yeah, it really is - and especially to your dd's toys. He's being really clumsy and obvious. Wonder what he'd do if you sent back something like... "BIL, I completely didn't realize what you're trying to get across and I really apologize. I'm so sorry you and SIL are having trouble buying toys for DN! We got our DD's toys at ; keep an eye on your email, we'll send a voucher over later today. xx"

myfavouritecolourispurple · 10/02/2017 15:39

Just go back and say "we're not around next Saturday I'm afraid. I'll check my diary and send you a few dates for lunch sometime"

myfavouritecolourispurple · 10/02/2017 15:40

xposted with WhatchaMaCalllit!

WhatchaMaCalllit · 10/02/2017 15:40

Oops - this has moved on since I started reading the thread - as you were everyone. Smile

Original poster
Nicpem1982 · 10/02/2017 15:41

Oh for- I don't know if they'll turn up we are genuinely out on Saturday afternoon NOW and my dd has a strict schedule regarding going to bed once we lock the door and turn the door bell off we don't open the door anyway unless it's a takeaway delivery.

They don't live particularly close to us so won't risk too late a pop by as if their dd gets over tired she can be difficult (as all children can) so I can't see them coming around after 430 and we'll be out until then.

We bought dn some lovely toys for her birthday and Xmas so she's not short of things to play with and so did mil as I shopped for them.

Sassenach- I too am slightly intrigued how long they can keep the request up

OP posts:
JennyWoodentop · 10/02/2017 15:44

*It's so odd his repeated references to your DD's room!

Yeah, it really is - and especially to your dd's toys.*

  • yes, he's being very clear, the sleepover is to be at your house in your DDs room and with your DDs toys - he wouldn't want any misunderstanding and for you to think they were offering to have a sleepover at their house!

I'd be calling him out by now and just telling him I am not babysitting his child, overnight or otherwise, end of.......

WhatchaMaCalllit · 10/02/2017 15:45

I love historia's text about the toys. Also you could include about the paint/wall coverings too say that they were bought in B&Q (or wherever) and you had a tradesman come in a do up your DD room (seeing as they are more invested in the room and toys and not in their niece).

PyongyangKipperbang · 10/02/2017 15:45

Be aware that about this time tomorrow there will probably be an "emergency" that means that DN will need to come to yours for the night. So turn your phones off......

JennyWoodentop · 10/02/2017 15:46

Be aware that about this time tomorrow there will probably be an "emergency" that means that DN will need to come to yours for the night. So turn your phones off......

good point - one final email or text that you're not babysitting and then screen your calls

Glamorousglitter · 10/02/2017 15:46

You could suggest that after last time you felt it might be better to bring the girls somewhere like the park for a picnic / hot chocolate for an hour or meet at the zoo, this keeps the parents present and puts onus on them to supervise their child while you do yours, also both children (in theory ) have a (albeit parallel ... but this is maybe ok for a 2 and 4 year old anyway) good time ...

CondensedMilkSarnies · 10/02/2017 15:47

Don't take your coats off when you get home on Saturday, so you're prepared to say 'just on our way out' when they inevitably 'pop' round.

Original poster
Nicpem1982 · 10/02/2017 15:47

When's half term?

OP posts:
AGirlsNameIsAryaStark · 10/02/2017 15:49

Nicpem1982 I think most places are breaking up today!

ChrisYoungFuckingRocks · 10/02/2017 15:49

Sorry, I'm going to have a migraine on Saturday, so I won't be babysitting entertaining anyone. Wink

Original poster
Nicpem1982 · 10/02/2017 15:49

"Are you busy next Sunday? Would be exciting for dn to play with dds Christmas toys"

Monday is my none work day

OP posts:
YellowDinosaur · 10/02/2017 15:50

Ours break up next Friday