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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

BIL & SIL BOOKED THEIR WEDDING 2 MONTHS BEFORE OURS

381 replies

wingingitmomma · 08/02/2017 23:20

Aibu?? My dear sweet mil popped in tonight (which I am surprised about because my daughter was asleep and she would of known that she only usually cares if she gets to see the baby) she stayed for about an hour it was a nice visit although I was kinda pissed because I cleaned the bathroom specially and she never went to the toilet to inspect it (I know how she loves to judge me) Anyway, she so happened to SLIP into the conversation that my OH brother booked their wedding 2 days ago. Great! I love a wedding when have they booked it for then she tells me 2 months before yours! Me and OH have had our wedding booked for a while. They are having a destination wedding 2 months before our freaking wedding our wedding is costing in excess of 10 grand there's no way we can afford this and even if we could we have a young baby who I would not feel happy to take on a plane for 10 hours or leave her for nearly a week which is what they are asking. they got engaged earlier this year after me and OH they have known the date of our wedding for sometime and I feel like they are stealing our thunder and trying to overshadow our big day! Am
I being unreasonable? I feel so put out that they have done this surely they know we can't afford to make their wedding! When Mil told me I had to act really happy for them but inside I was raging!

OP posts:
bumsexatthebingo · 09/02/2017 00:03

YANBU op. I got engaged quite a while after my db. Him and my sil had a long engagement as they had a massive, expensive wedding. Me and dh just wanted a register office do but I would ever in a million years have got married before his wedding even though we could have done as I would have just felt it was stealing his and my sil's thunder. We got married the month after and it was really nice that we got to talk about wedding stuff together and my mum got to wear her mother of the bride outfit again!
The fact that your bil/sil are also having their wedding abroad and are making you feel bad for not being able to go is even worse though.

GabsAlot · 09/02/2017 00:03

whats it got to do with us how much op is spending completely irelevant

sounds like bil is a bit of a pushover or worse his fiance is an abuser-not taking his family into cosieration isnt very nice its his day aswell

Original poster
wingingitmomma · 09/02/2017 00:07

It's not about what we are spending on the wedding it's about how much we don't have to spend to go to theirs. I wasn't trying to make a point of how much we are paying out as I say there are reasons for that not because we are flashy people this is the most we have ever spent on anything like ever! lol

OP posts:
DontTouchTheMoustache · 09/02/2017 00:07

I think YABU. They can't make their wedding convenient for every single guest. You don't get to take a whole year for your wedding, it's just a bloody day. You clearly expected her to wait until after you got married, but how long after? Would 6 months have been enough? They just want to get married, presumably because they are in love and not to upset you by having a wedding too close to yours. You are being very overdramatic.

Crumbs1 · 09/02/2017 00:12

If you want to go could you reduce some of the costs of yours?

Justmuddlingalong · 09/02/2017 00:13

You say you have been planning your wedding 'for a while'. How long is a while? Because other people's life's go on in the meantime, and don't stop because another couple are getting married.

Original poster
wingingitmomma · 09/02/2017 00:13

Crumbs.. believe me I would love to cut more corners then I already have!

OP posts:
Original poster
wingingitmomma · 09/02/2017 00:18

I've been planning mine since October I got engaged last spring not that it matters the point is as soon as we set the date which was some time ago oh brother and sil was the first people we told as they live a couple of hours away and we wanted to give them
Plenty of notice also as they live further away we wanted to do something nice for them so wanted to see if we could go ahead and book them a room on us.. see we went the awful people you think we are my point is we did all that because we couldn't picture our wedding without them
And then we get treated like that and before anyone says your wedding is about you and oh most people want their family to celebrate with them we are no different we want all our family and friends with us.

OP posts:
FireInTheHead · 09/02/2017 00:22

It's a wedding day not a wedding year. It will take nothing away from your wedding which sounds like a completely different kind of event to theirs. They have the same right to get married when and where they choose just as you do. The price they will pay for having a destination wedding is that many guests won't be able to afford it. They must already realise this.

The only unreasonable thing in this scenario, apart from your sour attitude about having to sharing your bridezilla limelight, would be them getting arsey when you point out that - what with the expense of your own wedding and the inconvenience of traveling with your young baby - you won't be able to attend.

Original poster
wingingitmomma · 09/02/2017 00:22

Oh and yes I may of paid for their room but that cost me MY hairdresser it's not like I'm some spoilt child getting everything because I'm not my photography is being done my family friend because I could afford to have the person I wanted I'm okay with all this as long as everyone can come and everyone has a good time it's really not that I'm trying to get my own way over everything but I'm going without to make sure everyone is happy only to know that we are being cut out of their wedding

OP posts:
MommaGee · 09/02/2017 00:23

Op where are they getting married? Is there any chance of cheap flights?

Original poster
wingingitmomma · 09/02/2017 00:25

I can't say for Privacy but nope no cheap flights and it still doesn't solve the baby situation I can't take my baby on a flight for that long.. hell even I would struggle I find flying soo painful.

OP posts:
DarklyDreamingDexter · 09/02/2017 00:25

YABU. Do you expect them to avoid the whole year so it doesn't take the attention away from you in some way? Get over yourself!

Justmuddlingalong · 09/02/2017 00:27

You're getting your knickers in a right twist here OP. Casting up paying for their room is not painting you in a good light.

Original poster
wingingitmomma · 09/02/2017 00:29

Not at all I just think it's rather close esp when they don't live local themselves and they wanted to figure in a family reception when they get back which again is even closer to our wedding which is still going to be an expense to me and OH. I don't think there's any need to be rude like that I haven't been rude to anyone on here I'm simply asking advice if you want to be rude then please so it elsewhere it's not very constructive. I swear some
People on here only come on to be nasty?

OP posts:
Justmuddlingalong · 09/02/2017 00:32

...and others to stamp their wittle footsies.

Original poster
wingingitmomma · 09/02/2017 00:32

They live far away we didn't want it to fall on them to sort out accommodates they would have nowhere to stay free of charge why should they have to fork out for somwhere to sleep when they attend our wedding we want them there it's only one night so we want to pay for them? I swear you can never do right on mumsnet if I refused to pay for them that would be wrong! I'm
Not sat here saying we have stacks of cash and we can afford everything in the world am I?!

OP posts:
Original poster
wingingitmomma · 09/02/2017 00:34

Grin jeeeez this site really cracks me up!

OP posts:
DontTouchTheMoustache · 09/02/2017 00:35

So when would you be able to afford the flights/solve the baby issue? Perhaps you could work it out and then tell them when they are allowed to get married?

astormgivenflesh · 09/02/2017 00:37

I don't think you're being unreasonable to be upset at all. Similar thing happened to me; sister got engaged soon after I did (dragged her partner to buy a ring and told him to get on with it!), we said we wanted to get married in late August and suddenly they had a venue booked for early August the same year... I know it's 'just a wedding' but it's easy to forget that a lot of time and emotional labour goes into planning one. I felt like everything I said about mine was pitted against theirs which I hated as I didn't want it to be a competition!

It's sad that you won't be able to go but they've known for a while that your wedding is at that date and the cost will be prohibitive for a lot of people. I have little time for people who complain about no friends or family attending their weddings whilst booking them thousands of miles away at great cost - maybe that makes me a horrible person! Long distant weddings are lovely but not if they come with an expectation of hat everyone should drop everything and find the money necessary (often v high as wedding venues bump them up!) to attend!

FlowersStar

NovemberInDailyFailLand · 09/02/2017 00:38

But your loo is clean, which is the main thing.

Original poster
wingingitmomma · 09/02/2017 00:43

Astormgivenflesh and November those have to be the most sensible comments I have read! If truth be told i do feel guilty for my BIL he's really sensitive and lacks confidence although I don't know why he's a great guy we really want to attend his wedding they have been talking about a wedding for a while but kept saying it would be next year and in this county so we went ahead and booked ours they even talked about having our daughter (their only niece) as flower girl I'm more shocked then anything this has been very sudden now BIL is upset we are upset really not a nice situation to be in I'd be heart broken if he said he wouldn't come to ours so I can imagine how that feels but without plummeting ourselves into more debt I don't know how it's possible.

OP posts:
fallenempires · 09/02/2017 00:45

I honestly don't understand all the expense about weddings,I speak as a divorceeWink A wedding is one day and you can spend as much or as little on it as you both choose,the marriage is more important.A good marriage is priceless.

astormgivenflesh · 09/02/2017 00:48

Do you think they would pull out if attending yours if you couldn't make theirs? Would they not be able to see how completely different the scenarios are?
I'm sorry you're getting a tough time on here Sad I really don't think it's unreasonable to be bothered by this - it's a really frustrating situation that doesn't seem to have an easy solution; you can't magic more money from nowhere, you can't make the long haul flight more manageable for a baby, you can't move your wedding etc. so it's just going to be one of those things where there is tension for a little bit and that sucks xxx
Flowers

antimatter · 09/02/2017 00:53

I would actually try to go to that wedding. Over all is the experience what matters. People travel with small kids (they are actually going free!).

Your wedding will be different from theirs! No point comparing!