Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 15 16

Original poster

BIL & SIL BOOKED THEIR WEDDING 2 MONTHS BEFORE OURS

381 replies

wingingitmomma · 08/02/2017 23:20

Aibu?? My dear sweet mil popped in tonight (which I am surprised about because my daughter was asleep and she would of known that she only usually cares if she gets to see the baby) she stayed for about an hour it was a nice visit although I was kinda pissed because I cleaned the bathroom specially and she never went to the toilet to inspect it (I know how she loves to judge me) Anyway, she so happened to SLIP into the conversation that my OH brother booked their wedding 2 days ago. Great! I love a wedding when have they booked it for then she tells me 2 months before yours! Me and OH have had our wedding booked for a while. They are having a destination wedding 2 months before our freaking wedding our wedding is costing in excess of 10 grand there's no way we can afford this and even if we could we have a young baby who I would not feel happy to take on a plane for 10 hours or leave her for nearly a week which is what they are asking. they got engaged earlier this year after me and OH they have known the date of our wedding for sometime and I feel like they are stealing our thunder and trying to overshadow our big day! Am
I being unreasonable? I feel so put out that they have done this surely they know we can't afford to make their wedding! When Mil told me I had to act really happy for them but inside I was raging!

OP posts:

KoolKoala07 · 08/02/2017 23:37

I do get it op, our best man has booked the same venue and photographer as us and it really peeved me. Im sure there are gong to be quite a few other elements of the day copied also. Sounds pathetic to others but that's how I feel. On the other hand though, they will be feeling a bit flat because theirs is all over but you will have yours to still look forward too.

HappyFlappy · 08/02/2017 23:37

it was a nice visit although I was kinda pissed because I cleaned the bathroom specially and she never went to the toilet to inspect it

momma

Original poster

wingingitmomma · 08/02/2017 23:37

It wasn't a surprise visit she said she was coming all day but when she was over an hour late and she knew my daughter would be in bed I assumed she wouldn't come. Hope that clears that up for you.

OP posts:

MixedGrill · 08/02/2017 23:38

Are they actually expecting you to fork out for a 10-hour flight destination?
I agree that is unrealistic/ ridiculous. Also presumably you / your DH are using your annual leave for your own wedding / honeymoon?

If leave from work is not an issue and they are paying for the flights and accommodation, then go! Babies travel fine on long flights before they are walking

Astro55 · 08/02/2017 23:39

Hey... but they get to spend 2 weeks with MIL!!

HappyFlappy · 08/02/2017 23:40

A 10 hour flight will mean very few guests I suspect

I agree.

This is a way to get wedding presents without having to put up with the relatives. No-one will go. Everyone will buy a gift.

They've cracked it!

tooclosetocall · 08/02/2017 23:40

You need to step back and see it for what it is: a wedding, one day.
There's no unspoken rule of the first to get engaged is the first to marry.
I would be quite smug happy at having my wedding afterwards as you won't be the one spending a fortune, they can't copy any details (unless you share too much info) and their wedding will be done and dusted by the time yours comes around.

Unless you know for sure (and I mean really, how would you know for certain? ) that they have deliberately set this date in spite of your plans, then yes YABU.

If you can't afford to go, I wouldn't bother. Put any money you would spend on money aside towards your own big day

unfortunateevents · 08/02/2017 23:41

If BIL is going to be upset because his family aren't going to be there, that is surely something he and his fiancee should have taken into consideration before booking a wedding abroad? Also how are they trying to guilt you into going, you only heard about the wedding tonight from MIL, it wasn't clear from your post that you had spoken with them at all? A couple of hours after hearing about the wedding for the first time seems a bit early to be laying on the guilt?

Justmuddlingalong · 08/02/2017 23:42

So what are you going to do about it? There's nothing you can do, so keep your rage for things that deserve it.

pringlecat · 08/02/2017 23:43

YABU but I understand why you're annoyed. I think most people would be, even if they didn't voice it.

By any chance is the date of the wedding significant to them? I.e. to get that date they would have had to either have it just before your wedding or wait nearly a whole year for it to come round again?

UghUgh · 08/02/2017 23:43

Did your partner speak to his brother this evening?

bonfireheart · 08/02/2017 23:43

I would of agree with you, that must of been a shock for you, especially when you of a little one to think of, now you of to go on a flight, what was she thinking of?

AlmostAJillSandwich · 08/02/2017 23:44

Wouldn't bother me if my sister or my DP's brother got married the day before my wedding, it's not the same day so they aren't overshadowing me at all. Not being able to attend because they decided to have it abroad would sadden me, but i wouldn't be angry in the slightest. That's the kind of big day they want, all the luck to them it's what they dreamed of.
I don't agree with people getting or announcing engagements, or pregnancies etc at weddings though. yeah all the family are in one place for one big happy surprise announcement, but its in bad taste and takes some of the attention off the marrying couple. Everyone deserves their one day, but it really is just one day, not "you can't marry in the same year as me" etc.

tooclosetocall · 08/02/2017 23:45

Destination weddings are imho. It's inviting a list of family and friends on a holiday honeymoon. Not many will cough up and if they do, might do so out of guilt without truly wanting to.

Allthebestnamesareused · 08/02/2017 23:51

Well everyone will know you are getting married 2 months later and will realise why you can't go anyway.

If they are that bothered about you not being there they can pay for you to go!

It sounds as though no-one else is going (to Maui) and you'll have an entirely different wedding anyway.

I do get that perhaps it is stealing your thunder. Maybe you used "their" baby name on your baby so they are getting their own back

IwasAM · 08/02/2017 23:54

'BIL....I also know he's very upset not to have his family there'

Winging How do you know this?

Original poster

wingingitmomma · 08/02/2017 23:54

He has spoken to him and BIL got upset that we won't be going the date has no significance it was all picked by SIL who is all about her family she doesn't care about his. Sad. I don't think I'm being unreasonable to be honest I get it's their choice but we would never have booked our wedding so close to theirs if it had been the other way around.
It's just not what you do. I feel sorry for BIL he sounded so upset :(

OP posts:

Original poster

wingingitmomma · 08/02/2017 23:55

Maui?

OP posts:

BeIIatrixLeStrange · 08/02/2017 23:55

I think its a real shame if you let someone else's wedding, ruin yours.

I really honesty don't see your problem, it is like you are looking for drama where there is none.

HeddaGarbled · 08/02/2017 23:58

Are you really spending over £10,000 on your wedding?

I think that you need to calm right down and get some perspective. The most important things are your marriage and your baby.

You and your SIL-to-be don't need to have a wedding war where you both spend ludicrous amounts of money trying to be the most "special". They've made their choice. As someone once said, let it go.

You are marrying into this family. Your life will be very unhappy if you choose to take umbrage at everything they do, including not using your bathroom! Your wedding is one day. If you want your marriage to last much longer, invest more emotional energy into your relationships than being the star in your own drama.

7SunshineSeven7 · 08/02/2017 23:59

That's nothing, I know someone who's twin booked their wedding the week after her own.

MommaGee · 08/02/2017 23:59

Where r they getting married??

angelofmylifetime · 09/02/2017 00:00

I think it's rather nice that the two brothers are having such completely different weddings. That way no one can compare.

Had he booked his wedding 2 months before at the same venue as you and so on, then I can see you would be annoyed. But sorry I think YABVU and can't really understand your annoyance at all.

NarkyMcDinkyChops · 09/02/2017 00:01

I also know he's very upset not to have his family there apart from my MIL Who is going to attend
No he's not. If he was bothered about his family going he wouldn't have booked a long haul destination wedding!

Original poster

wingingitmomma · 09/02/2017 00:03

We were always spending that amount on our wedding I've been planning mine for while and I have a large family and I want to accomdate all OH family and some
Extra friends of his also in order to get the room we wanted for special excess we had to pay for extra guests to qualify to use that room at our venue I know it's not about other people but in this case I talking about accommodating someone who is very young and who will likely not be here next year I'm not trying to spend more then anyone on this wedding it's just how it's panned out that's all.

OP posts:

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 15 16

Swipe left for the next trending thread