BIL & SIL BOOKED THEIR WEDDING 2 MONTHS BEFORE OURS

[wingingitmomma]

Aibu?? My dear sweet mil popped in tonight (which I am surprised about because my daughter was asleep and she would of known that she only usually cares if she gets to see the baby) she stayed for about an hour it was a nice visit although I was kinda pissed because I cleaned the bathroom specially and she never went to the toilet to inspect it (I know how she loves to judge me) Anyway, she so happened to SLIP into the conversation that my OH brother booked their wedding 2 days ago. Great! I love a wedding when have they booked it for then she tells me 2 months before yours! Me and OH have had our wedding booked for a while. They are having a destination wedding 2 months before our freaking wedding our wedding is costing in excess of 10 grand there's no way we can afford this and even if we could we have a young baby who I would not feel happy to take on a plane for 10 hours or leave her for nearly a week which is what they are asking. they got engaged earlier this year after me and OH they have known the date of our wedding for sometime and I feel like they are stealing our thunder and trying to overshadow our big day! Am
I being unreasonable? I feel so put out that they have done this surely they know we can't afford to make their wedding! When Mil told me I had to act really happy for them but inside I was raging!

I booked my wedding a Week before my best friends. Get me!
(for clarity, due to complicated reasons we had v few dates to choose from and my best friend is excited as it's 'near a double wedding')

I could do with cleaning my bathroom too.
You must hate me op

My DB and his wife got married 3 weeks before us! Wedding booked after ours! It was the only time they could both guarantee off work so there was little choice. Wasn't an issue in the slightest.

The world won't stop turning if you don't go to their wedding. It really is no big deal if they've planned to get married before you.
Try to calm down and focus on your own wedding and don't turn into a bridezilla. And get those wedding invitations sent out as soon as possible!

It's not a competition you need to realise your own worth you are just as good as she is , dont fret about it , pinch any great ideas they have and keep tight lipped about yours mwahhaha Congratulations my dear

Yanbu.
We had friends A who booked their wedding over a year in advance and had sent out save the date cards etc. It wasn't a lavish wedding if you see what i mean, but a lovely one and we were all ecstatic for them to tie the knot.
Friends B booked their wedding for two weeks later. It was a destination one. They wanted everyone to fly out for a week. They made my DH and Friend A best men so they had to attend (two weeks before my due date). They became weddingzillas. It really began to eclipse Friends As wedding and everyone felt it and lifelong friendships nearly ended over it.

They are all friends again now and I didn't give birth whilst DH was there but I'm still fuming that they though it fine for him to spend 1000+ whilst having a baby and buying a new house wasn't a problem to them. And that I refused to be there. And that they pissed all over friend As wedding bonfire.

YABU.

You sound as if you probably wouldn't go to their wedding whenever it was anyway (with a baby, etc), so why does it matter when it is?

A wedding is about celebrating day 1 married to the person you want to be with for the rest of your life. It's not about winning a competition for the biggest, most important day on the social calendar.

You sound very precious op, I can't see the issue, you need to get over yourself

I guess it depends on their motive in chosing the date, OP. If you think they were deliberately trying to overshadow your wedding (sooner, more exotic etc) then you might have a point, but I'm guessing they'd have booked closer to your date if that was the motive.

My ex SIL tried to do this to us, but she had been doing that sort of thing to XH since they were kids. When we announced our engagement, she announced hers two days later, to a guy she had only known for a few weeks. When we announced our date, she announced her date for just a week before ours. She couldn't get a booking anywhere though (and MIL had gritty words with her about it), so ended up being two months after. The marriage barely lasted a year.

When we announced I was pregnant, they annouced the next day she was engaged to her latest boyfriend. When we announced the due date, they booked their wedding for ten days before it, at the opposite end of the country where no family live, and then complained that we couldn't go. PILs said they wouldn't go either in case the baby came early, and it did - arrived the day before their wedding and she moaned forever after that I had stolen her thunder!

Perhaps your ILs had a limited choice of dates OP, and they had to take this, so unless your SIL is like mine then it may not be deliberate. But as for them getting arsey over you not going, you are definitely NBU.

No my sil is exactly like yours it's pretty sad when we first told them our date she kept a 2 week long joke going about how they had already booked theirs for the same date, we nearly cancelled our wedding and lost our deposit she didn't even tell us it was a joke my mil did at the very last min but she knew how much stress it caused us because the venue didn't have any other dates free apart from nye and said they wouldn't refund us anything we had paid so far unless they could sell our date to someone else and we wouldn't see the £500 deposit we paid sil never apologised for that upset she thought it was hilarious and no kidding it was 2 weeks before it came out it was a joke!

Why are you getting married? Is it to make and celebrate spending the rest of your life with the person you love? Or to compare weddings with other people/be the centre of attention? Even if they were getting married the week before it shouldn't take anything away from marrying the person you love. If it does you might not be marrying the right person.

YAB a bit U - I understand why you are annoyed, but they can choose whichever wedding date they want. It's not like it's the week before or after yours.

Can you stay home with the baby while your fiancé attends?

I was trying to put it into perspective. The most important thing is that you're marrying the person you love. Sorry if you failed to understand that. I've reported what you've said as I feel it's a personal attack.

I have offered him to accompany his mum
To the wedding I'd be happy to stay here and look after LO he said even 2k is hard to come up with so close I have already explained all this someone else asked

Oh you mean like you were trying to attack me? Obviously you can't handle it when it's done back to you yes I will bite back when you're asking questions I have already answered and questioning whether I'm marrying someone because I love them or not I don't think many people would be that happy with the situation I'm in it's easy to sit in the sideline and say iabu but unless it's happened to you then you wouldn't know how it feels.

Gosh you sound very angry and defensive. I was merely trying to get you to put it into perspective. This won't matter when it's your wedding day. What anyone else is won't matter and you won't care because it will all be about you two getting married. Nobody could take that away from you. Perhaps I worded it badly or whatever but you shouldn't waste your time being cross about things you can't change. I hope you have a wonderful wedding day and a very happy life together

Bloody hell, it's two MONTHS not days or weeks! Stop being such a drama queen, enjoy your own wedding and send them a nice card for theirs. You sound like hard work.

YABU and self centred

AND SHOUTY

Betty it's not so much the 2 months before it's everything in the mix together and it was done very underhand we weren't even told properly my mil slipped it in a conversation it just feels like it's been very secretive then the whole lying about their date being the same time she genuinely cracked up laughing when she found out we nearly cancelled our wedding and that I was in tears when I found out we would lose the deposit then this I do feel like it's been done on purpose i know you were trying to put another point across I totally get that but believe me when I say I'm marrying my OH because I love him and I couldn't picture my life without him we've been through a lot together and we get on amazingly even after everything. For what it's worth my OH has spoken to me this morning and he totally agrees he thinks it has been done out of spite also.

Only read the OP but what struck me immediately is if you feel your thunder is being stolen why are you inviting people to see you marry who would think bah, bored of weddings, went to one two months ago.

I just think you'll be happier if you let it go. Easier said than done sometimes but being cross about it won't make your sil a nicer person unfortunately. Just let them crack on.

Can you say why you asked if yabu? Because when anyone says that yes, yabu, you get all defensive.

Also the standard drip feed re your sil and her evil joke.

Not very standard when you let it go on for
2 weeks. Fair enough a day or something but that was awfully long she didn't even come across she was joking she pretended to get really angry if was weird when I found out I genuinely thought omg she's a lunatic.

When is their celebration? You haven't told us yes.

I agree it's been done out of spite.