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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU not wanting to give out party bags?

268 replies

surreynotsurrey · 08/02/2017 22:44

Wait, you've been invited to a party, fed, watered, entertained, not had to tidy up or pay for anything AND you expect a party bag?!

OP posts:
Astro55 · 09/02/2017 20:34

AIBU not wanting to give out party bags?

Is the question

Not .... ohh look what I put in mine!!

No you are not unreasonable for not wanting to do party bags .... buck the trend and say No!

Minty82 · 09/02/2017 20:42

Party bags were definitely the norm when I was little and I'm 34. My mum hated them though and refused to do them as she thought they were grabby and people should be grateful for the tea and games etc. Still remember a boy in my class saying "Where's my party bag?" as he left and my mum being appalled - none of this is a new dilemma!

Wayfarersonbaby · 09/02/2017 20:45

Party bags are not a tradition... Like trick or treat and baby showers and Father's day they have come across in the last 10 - 30 years. We used to have a balloon to take home, maybe. Cake was always eaten at the party.

I'm 40 and we always had a party bag at parties in the late 70s/early 80s! In fact the children's party thing was much more routine than it seems to be these days. As a small child living in the suburbs of a big city, it was pretty mandatory that every birthday from the age of 3 to about 7 you would have the house full of a class of kids, balloons, party games, party tea, candles on cake and happy birthday, more games, then home with a balloon on a string and a party bag of tat plus a squashed piece of cake in a napkin. Happy days!

The really posh might have an entertainer who did a magic show and balloon dogs, but it wasn't a party without pass the parcel, musical chairs, musical statues, pin the tail on the donkey and (a bit later) cutting the flour cake or slicing the mars bar game.

You also had to wear a party dress. Party tea inevitably included cheese, egg and meat paste sandwiches with the crusts cut off; chipstick crisps, prawn cocktail skips, hula hoops and Ringos; jammie dodgers, party rings, coconut fluff biscuits, chocolate fingers and Cadbury's Animals (the originals, not the manky horrors Cadburys sell as Animals today). There was inevitably a tray of luridly coloured jellies with squirty cream on the top, fairy cakes or butterfly cakes with hundreds-and-thousands on, and some exotic fizzy drinks (dandelion and burdock; cream soda). Plus cocktail sausages on sticks. The only item of fruit or veg to appear throughout would be pieces of tinned pineapple on sticks with cheese.

Happy birthday would be sung and the cake always disappeared to be cut up for the party bags (by that point each child had normally eaten his or her body weight in party rings and jammie dodgers anyway).

The bags always had some kind of e-numbered chewy sweets and lollipops plus a range of delightful plastic tat (plastic snakes, ball catchers, flipping frogs, whistles and bouncy balls).

The most coveted item in any party bag would be one of those necklaces or bracelets made out of sweets. Happy days!

You were no-one without a party exactly like this when I was a very small child! The only reason why people don't seem to do these parties these days where I live is that most people's houses are too small.... no big 1970s boomer pads for most families these days.

Minty82 · 09/02/2017 20:52

Awww, yes Wayfarersonbaby! Nodding along to all of that. And we always had fizzy drinks - the eyebrows of my daughter's reception class parents (me included) would go through the roof these days if anyone served anything stronger than Ribena!
Also I was a bridesmaid a few times as a small child, in 80s silk confections with puffed sleeves and about 50 netted petticoats. It was absolutely the done thing to wear these to every birthday party you went to until you grew out of them...

mysteriouscurle · 09/02/2017 20:59

I used to love doing party bagsSmile feeling a bit wistful and nostalgic nowBlush

Wayfarersonbaby · 09/02/2017 21:01

Yes the kids' parties my DD goes to are much more of the raisins-carrot-sticks-and-hummus kind these days....one year I really want to throw her a proper old-fashioned party but my house is really too small and I can just imagine the horrified looks from all the Boden-clad mummies Grin

I remember always wearing a big party dress to birthday parties until I was about 10, even when the fashion for class parties became roller discos in the late 80s (the exception being swimming parties!) I remember all the little girls in puffy frocks and little boys in shirts and bow ties! But my siblings, who are about 8-10 years younger than me, never wore party frocks or smart clothes to parties, just normal clothes or tracksuits or whatever Sad

user1476119077 · 09/02/2017 21:14

I don't do party bags but I give some £1 fun books. Kids and parents love it. Its a bit mean to give nothing

GrumpetLikesCrumpets · 09/02/2017 21:39

Soupdragon hahahahaha. That's brilliant.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 09/02/2017 21:45

@Teyingtobegood10 - yes, it may be a cop out to do sweetie bags/cones - but I had three boys, so that was three parties a year from the age of about 4 until they were too old for parties at around 11. That's 8 years of parties, 24 lots of party bags.

I had party bag fatigue, and I think you might have resorted to sweetie bags too, in my place!

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 09/02/2017 21:46

Bugger - that should have been @Tryingtobegood. Why don't I proofread.

Crunchyside · 09/02/2017 21:48

I was a child in the 90s and I loved getting party bags. It wasn't all Pinterest-y back then, it was just a cheap colourful plastic bag with a few nik naks and a slice of cake - a bouncy ball/plastic tat, mini pencils, small bag of Haribo etc. But I remember being so excited and happy to receive it and look through it in the car on the way home from the party. Ah I can almost smell the plastic bag and the cake wrapped in a paper napkin!

SleightOfMind · 09/02/2017 22:06

All I have to add is that when the DTs (3) come home from parties, DD (7) and DS (15) circle like makos till the bags have been dissected.

Curlyshabtree · 09/02/2017 22:09

I hate them and don't do them but have nowt against those they do.

hellomarshmallow · 09/02/2017 22:55

I used to love those little rubber monster finger puppety things.

JonHammAndCheese · 10/02/2017 01:44

DS1 didn't get a party bag from the party he went to at the weekend.

The whinging in the car on the way home as a result nearly got me in the phone to the hosting parents, bellowing, 'YOU FUCKING STARTED THIS, YOU CAN DEAL WITH IT!'

Please, for the sake of the other parents, just give the bastard bags.

Orrrrrrr he could learn to be more grateful and that you don't always get things like that, and we can work together to end the terrible trend that is party bags!

ElphabaTheGreen · 10/02/2017 04:52

JonHamm Please read my comment from 9:22 yesterday and include yourself in it.

BathshebaDarkstone · 10/02/2017 05:08

I don't usually do party bags because I can't afford it. Last year my aunt paid for DD's party, we made it joint with adult DS1, I did party bags, DS1 was ridiculously excited about receiving one! Grin Unfortunately on the day he was in hospital. Sad

As I'm usually short of cash, I'd rather do a better party with no party bags.

BusterGonad · 10/02/2017 05:25

I don't understand all the moaners about party bags, I was on the understanding that the party was for children, party bags make children happy, is it really that difficult to take 10 minutes out of your food shop to chuck a few bits in your trolly to make your child and their friends happy?And to think the children's parents took time out of their life to attend something they have no interest in and no doubt spent time and money on a lovely present too. What a miserable lot!

Only1scoop · 10/02/2017 07:35

Elpheba
'The professionally sanctimonious' Grin

BathshebaDarkstone · 10/02/2017 07:42

Buster as I said, it's not the time, it's the money. I can't really afford birthdays as it is.

BathshebaDarkstone · 10/02/2017 07:42

Buster as I said, it's not the time, it's the money. I can't really afford birthdays as it is.

Astro55 · 10/02/2017 07:44

Can't they love being with their friends without being given a reward for attending?

BathshebaDarkstone · 10/02/2017 07:44

Oh FFS, sorry about the fucking double posts.

ChameleonCircuit · 10/02/2017 07:49

It's DS's party tomorrow. We have brightly coloured paper bags (with handles!) that will contain a book, a rubber that's also a "fit it together" puzzle, a key ring torch, a fun size chocolate bar and a bloody humungous slice of cake. I usually cut the slices big enough to feed at least three! Grin We're not having the party at home, but from now on, party bags shall be known as "fuck off home" bags. 😂😂 (the bags will have cost about £2 each in all, which I don't mind, as long as it's not plastic tat.)

BusterGonad · 10/02/2017 08:37

Bath I obviously don't mean you, or anyone else who financially can't afford it, I mean the people that just don't want to.
Astro of course they can but why be so bloody grumpy and begrudging over something that children gain so much joy from? You've just got such a miserable attitude about it.