Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU not wanting to give out party bags?

268 replies

surreynotsurrey · 08/02/2017 22:44

Wait, you've been invited to a party, fed, watered, entertained, not had to tidy up or pay for anything AND you expect a party bag?!

OP posts:
kippersandcurtains · 09/02/2017 15:24

I love doing party bags & my kids love receiving them. I don't feel they are nonsensical or materialistic neither do they have to be full of tat (though judging here if they are). We enjoy decorating the (paper) bags and stuff them together - happy days. I've bought over the years mini pots of play dough, aeroplane kits, masks, bubbles, pez sweet dispensers, bath bombs - all good fun and imo a part of the whole party thing.

kippersandcurtains · 09/02/2017 15:25

NO judging here. Is what I meant...

OverTheGardenGate · 09/02/2017 15:27

Party bags were not a concept when my kids were little 20+ years ago,
at least not in the area that we live. I wonder when and where they started and how they spread. It would be interesting to know where the first party bags were distributed amongst the hoi-polloi. I expect posh people always had them cos they have plenty of cash to waste.
Back to the point. I wouldn't want to give them out. A bit of cake is enough.

Swirlingasong · 09/02/2017 15:34

I like cake in party bags! If you send the cake home it means the crumbs aren't all over your house/ party venue and you can send some home for siblings too. Always helps in this house if one child has been to a succession of parties and the other hasn't if a bit of cake can be proffered.

Also against the grain, I don't like the books thing. My kids love books, but the party bag ones have never been one's they would have chosen. They always play with the tat but have never touched the books. There's also something just a bit worthy about it. A party is a couple of hours of frivolousness and that's a good thing. I'd be fine if I was offered herbal tea or a kale smoothie after a dinner party, I might even like it and drink it daily, but to be honest at a party I'd probably prefer a nice coffee or brandy.

ChipmunkSundays · 09/02/2017 15:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DEMum101 · 09/02/2017 15:42

I thought like you jcne that they were a pointless waste of money and just encourage children to be materialistic and grabby.

And I still think that really. But I found right from DD's first party that I really enjoy choosing the bits and making them up and before her last party DD and I did it together which was lovely.

Oh and as to cake I am in South East London and cake always comes home in bags here. DD doesn't really like it so I eat a lot of squashed cake with bits of tissue in - yum!

eleven59 · 09/02/2017 15:43

Yes I do feel smug

About what?

About considering the environment. Just getting in there before someone else did ;)

Mia1415 · 09/02/2017 15:46

I think my DS (4) and his friends would all cry if they didn't get a party bag. It is the norm and they are so exciting when you are little. They don't have to cost that much either.

(although DS went to a party recently when the party bags probably cost about 3 times as much as the £10 present we gave. I've honestly never seen anything like it!)

DEMum101 · 09/02/2017 15:50

I was going to parties around 40 years ago (terrifying admission) and we got wrapped up cake (and often a piece for a left-at-home sibling) but no party bags. So it is clearly something that has been introduced between 25 and 40 years ago.

pilates · 09/02/2017 15:55

YABU

The kids really look forward to receiving them and my children used to love giving them out.

They are no big deal a piece of cake with some sweets and you would have thought you have given them the moon.

WaitrosePigeon · 09/02/2017 16:02

Just getting in there before someone else did ;)

It wouldn't have taken long would it!

Swirlingasong · 09/02/2017 16:05

Party bags were the norm when I was young (early 80s) and not a posh area either. I don't think party bags or any other 'stuff' teach children to be materialistic, it's the response you teach them to it all that does that.

BusterGonad · 09/02/2017 16:36

Just another one here who was a bloody fantastic mum until I gave birth! 😂 Before I had a child dummy's were the devils work, as were Wotsits and happy meals!
Party bags are supposed to be full of sugar and tatt and squashed cake just like kababs should never be eaten sober! They go hand in hand!

user1484578224 · 09/02/2017 16:36

you have to give kids bags of sugar and tat to get them to leave? Don't you just say " thanks for coming i hope you enjoyed it" bye bye

youngestisapsycho · 09/02/2017 17:00

I never did party bags.... slice of cake and a lolly as they went out the door. Never any complaints.

Sammyislost · 09/02/2017 17:13

I think a party bag is a lovely traditional idea, children get so excited by them...but BOY are they full of pointless crap!?!

I always do party bags, and to start with I did things like playdoh and cutters (that matched the party theme) but now I just throw in all the sweets leftover from halloween, and all the party bag toys that came from other peoples party bags!

As people have said, there's no party bag law, but the kids will be expecting one!

skincarejunkie · 09/02/2017 17:42

I don't want to go to OP's party! I don't like my children being where they are not wanted! Utterly joyless way to look at a gathering celebrating YOUR child's birthday and one where, presumably, other parents have taken the time to put their DC's in party clothes, buy and wrap a present and take time out of a probably busy day. Party bag or not, I'm not coming! Slap on a smile and remember it's not all about you.

SoupDragon · 09/02/2017 17:46

We gave out sweets in a biodegradable bag at the last party

Were the sweet wrappers biodegradable?

Oblomov17 · 09/02/2017 17:53

Why would you not? You sound like a right miser. I used to love going party bags.

Nicpem1982 · 09/02/2017 17:55

I love party bags my dd (2) loves them too.

I'm in the camp of getting carried away though and spend more than the 1.00 that's pitched on here.

For my dds first birthday I gave a mini bottle of prosecco and hand made truffles to the mums as a thank you for coming now go home and relax!

Oriunda · 09/02/2017 17:58

I do the same as @bonbon - I grab any party bag tat my son hasn't got his mitts on and pop in my recycling bag. Ditto any remaining sweets from Halloween stash. I've enough for 2 pieces of tat per party bag for his upcoming party. I do a book from Book People as well. I deal with cake issue by preparing cupcakes in a cello bag ready to go in party bags. The 'candle blowing out' cake is a smaller affair which we either take home or I put candles in cupcakes and offer round to parents. My son loves his party bags.

LemonScentedStickyBat · 09/02/2017 18:04

I hate them because of the tat, but surely it's the equivalent of an adult getting a glass of champagne at a wedding - might not be necessary,
but it's tradition, and most people would be pretty pissed off not to get one drink after they'd travelled and brought a present.

Nicpem1982 · 09/02/2017 18:10

Lemon I agree.

It's a lot of effort for a child to accept a bday invite and if schedules are like mine it involves some commitment and organisation.

I think the party bag is a nice gesture and children love them all my dds have been well received by the guests (she's 2 but guests are up to 6/7 at her parties) I don't even think it matters what's in them my dd has had some lovely party bags with Disney dvds and orchard games in but she's also had cake and stickers and loved them all

5moreminutes · 09/02/2017 18:10

Isn't it funny how many people go straight from:

X was not part of my personal experience 25/30/35/40 or however many years ago

To

This is absolutely irrefutable concrete proof that X was invented/ introduced to an entire country recently

Rather than having the awareness that their personal experience does not necessarily correlate with that of all or even most other people of roughly their generation and does not clearly or conclusively prove anything except that that was their very specific personal experience.

You see this on threads about all sorts - never had a sleepover/party bag/kids over to tea/snack between meals/ trick or treating/ any parental downtime/ my own room a a child/ grandparents babysitting/ extra curricular activities ... in my limited personal experience during the 60s/70s/80s therefore such a thing was obviously completely unheard of and utterly absent from the entire UK until much later and invented by feckless /spendthrift /entitled /millennial parents - true alternative fact, everybody says so...

Swirlingasong · 09/02/2017 18:17

Totally agree, 5more, the best example I have of such reasoning is my (otherwise lovely) grandmother who tried this with morning sickness. Apparently it simply didn't exist in her day and no one would have been able to sit around throwing up ten times a day so just didn't!