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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DD wants a debit card?

119 replies

katherine775 · 08/02/2017 21:03

My DD is 12, and has asked me, on numerous events now, for a debit card. She says that all of her friends have one, and that she feels 'babyish' and 'left out'.
I'm not one of those ultra protective parents - DD has a phone, regularly goes into town with her friends etc.
Last night, though, was something else. She had a complete meltdown, calling me the 'meanest mum ever' Shock

I don't really see why she needs one - she's only in year 7. If she's going shopping with her friends, I'll give her £10 or £20 to spend. I know that most of her friends do have one - she's not being unreasonable on that. Have explained to her that they don't do anything, etc. but she's just not having it.

What do you think? AIBU? Really need some advice.

OP posts:
harderandharder2breathe · 08/02/2017 21:05

But why can't she have one? It's safer than carrying cash around surely?

Thebookswereherfriends · 08/02/2017 21:05

Why won't you let her have one?

Crispsheets · 08/02/2017 21:05

What problem for you have with it? It will teach her money management.

ughwhattodo · 08/02/2017 21:06

My DS (similar age) has a go henry card. Its like a prepaid debit card and you can set up limits, link pocket money to tasks, etc.
It helps him with budgeting and he thinks he looks cool Wink

Believeitornot · 08/02/2017 21:06

Get her a bank account and she can have one? I had a bank account at that age. And this was 25 years ago Shock

AliceInUnderpants · 08/02/2017 21:07

Think about your reasons for saying no. Does she have a lot of money in the bank that she would have access to? If so, could you open a second account with a card and just transfer 'spending money' over when needed?

Hellmouth · 08/02/2017 21:07

I don't see anything wrong with that personally. You could get her her own account and put her pocket money in there. Also, it's easier to replace a debit card than it is to replace money if she loses her purse :)

alleypalley · 08/02/2017 21:07

My dd has a gohenry card. It's an app that you have on your phone, you can pay her pocket money, set limits on how much she can spend in 1 transaction or in a week. It is both a debit card and she can have savings on it as well, set targets on the savings etc. I also get notifications when she uses it so I know how much she has spent and where she spent it. Also if she wants to earn some extra money for something I can set tasks on it and tick them off to be paid when she does them.

idgafwhatyouthink · 08/02/2017 21:07

she'll need one soon enough so might as well get her one, will teach her how banking works (depositing funds etc)

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 08/02/2017 21:08

DS has had one for a while now and he's 13. The first one he got was just a cash card, so he could get his own money out but couldn't chip and pin. Now he has a normal bank account but with some restrictions, I think, because it's a junior one.

He's trustworthy with money though and doesn't spend for the sake of it - are you worried your DD can't be trusted to manage her money?

ifyoulikepinacolada · 08/02/2017 21:09

I think the real question here is why don't you want her to have one? Surely it's safer than cash?

Purplangf · 08/02/2017 21:10

Let her have one - DD (10) has an Osper card a bit like the Go Henry cards mentioned above. I don't really see your argument against her having one.

gamerchick · 08/02/2017 21:10

Yeah you can get those prepaid ones now can't you? I can't see why not letting her have one, it's not that big a deal is it?

SorrelSoup · 08/02/2017 21:11

Sounds like a great idea.

Crispbutty · 08/02/2017 21:11

She can't go overdrawn so I can't see why you won't allow it. Much easier using a card these days.

user1471537877 · 08/02/2017 21:14

We set our DD and DS 14 and 13 up with ones 6 months ago, it's helped with their money confidence

They can check balances on their phone and learn to budget, DS can order in McDonald's on a screen so doesn't have to wait and queue

All in all it's good experience, DD has ASD and it's helping her develop social skills as she would just leave us to pay before but will now pay for herself

Magzmarsh · 08/02/2017 21:14

Both my dc got one on their 11th birthday. It's a great way to introduce them to being responsible for running their own finances responsibly, beats me why anyone would want to forbid this. You're being weird op, not surprised your dd is so unhappy about it.

ZombieApocalips · 08/02/2017 21:14

Most banks offer them from age 11. They can't go overdrawn and can use them online for small purchases.

Lostin3dspace · 08/02/2017 21:15

Mine both have them, they''re proper bank cards, but have no overdraft facility, and some types of purchase are restricted (monthly subscriptions eg) I then pay them weekly pocket money by standing order. They do me small shopping favours (get bread and milk from shop) and I can use the bank app to refund them. Also, if they're away from me, and stuck (missed last bus, need money for err m girlie toiletries), I can just credit their account instantly. When one of them went away with the school, and was marooned At midnight with everyone else in French service station, with no money and no food, I could instantly provide her with some money and she could get Euros from a cash point there.

Motherofhowmany · 08/02/2017 21:17

Let her get one it will teach her money management skills.

I had one at like 10 I think.

MongerTruffle · 08/02/2017 21:18

What's the problem with her having one? Almost all banks let kids from the age of 11 have them.

BoomBoomsCousin · 08/02/2017 21:18

Unless you have a reason for not getting her one you do sound a bit mean (though not the meanest mum in the world!). Why are you denying her something that's so normal and will have zero cost to you?

dementedpixie · 08/02/2017 21:20

Why would you not let her have one? Dd has had one since age 11 as that's when you can get a current account with debit card

ImperialBlether · 08/02/2017 21:20

It's not like she can run up credit, is it? And if she only has £10 or £20 on it, then even if someone steals it, it's not worth much.

Go and apologise!

melj1213 · 08/02/2017 21:23

Why don't you want her to have one?

A lot of banks do accounts for children, and if they have an option to have a debit card, why not? It's a great way to help them start learning to budget and manage their own money and banking.

By that age I had my own account and cash card which was updated to a debit card after a few years - my parents put my pocket money into my account at the start of the month and I had to manage that money through the month. If I ran out early then tough (obviously my parents would sub me if it was important, but I'd have to do extra chores to earn it) it also meant that when I recieved money/cheques for birthdays/Christmas, I could choose whether to put them into my own account, or into the savings account my parents had for me ... whereas before, cheques were always such a faff as they either had to go in my savings or my parents would cash it and give me the money from their account.

My friend's son also has a goHenry account and it's working really well because when he had cash she never knew what he was spending it on as he'd go out with £10 and come home a few hours later with nothing left but never actually say what he'd bought/done, but now she actually has more control over his spending as she can check what he's using the card for - so she can see he went to McDonalds then the cinema with his friends, then they stopped off for icecream on the way home, as he used his card to pay for them.