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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DD wants a debit card?

119 replies

katherine775 · 08/02/2017 21:03

My DD is 12, and has asked me, on numerous events now, for a debit card. She says that all of her friends have one, and that she feels 'babyish' and 'left out'.
I'm not one of those ultra protective parents - DD has a phone, regularly goes into town with her friends etc.
Last night, though, was something else. She had a complete meltdown, calling me the 'meanest mum ever' Shock

I don't really see why she needs one - she's only in year 7. If she's going shopping with her friends, I'll give her £10 or £20 to spend. I know that most of her friends do have one - she's not being unreasonable on that. Have explained to her that they don't do anything, etc. but she's just not having it.

What do you think? AIBU? Really need some advice.

OP posts:
deblet · 08/02/2017 21:24

Its something most sensible parents do nowadays so she probably thinks you are being mean and a little old fashioned. All my kids had one at 11 when they graduated to a proper bank account and its been invaluable at teaching them to budget. They use online banking and if they want to buy a game on steam. a moonpig card or gold coins for a game once its gone its gone and they are all really good with their money. They don't have access to their savings though.

PoptartPoptart · 08/02/2017 21:25

DS has a Go Henry card. We transfer pocket money across each week and he can earn extra for certain chores etc.
He loves checking the app and working out what he wants to save or spend.
I have put limits on how much he can spend per transaction and per week.
I can also check the 'parent' app to see what he has been spending and to set goals for him as incentives to earn more.

dangermouseisace · 08/02/2017 21:27

YABU

my 6 year old has a Go Henry pre-payment card (cos her older brothers have)

It's easier to keep her birthday money/pocket money in there than getting lost around the house/her brothers pinching it!

She's too young to understand money properly but her elder brothers do (8 and 10). I'm happier with them carrying a card than lots of cash. They can add up and there can be limits set on the card, also it can't go overdrawn and it's got contactless.

Leeds2 · 08/02/2017 21:27

My DD got one a little older, maybe 14. She had to have an interview with the Bank Manager! Scared the living daylights out of her! The card (Lloys Bank) was aimed at young people, and it didn't allow them to be overdrawn.

HermioneJeanGranger · 08/02/2017 21:30

I don't really see why you won't let her have one.

I had one from secondary, so I was 11. My mum put my allowance in my account every week and I could earn more by doing extra chores.

What's your reason for saying no? It's not like she can spend more than she has in the account.

MirandaWest · 08/02/2017 21:32

DS and DD both have debit cards - they both got them when they were 11. They don't use them too much but it makes it easier with pocket money as it just goes in by standing order.

Seeingadistance · 08/02/2017 21:34

My son is another one with a Go Henry card. He would have had a child's account and card from a bank, but it was a bit of a hassle paperwork-wise and I couldn't be arsed with that and Go Henry was easier.

MongerTruffle · 08/02/2017 21:35

dangermouseisace

Was that meant to say "YANBU"?

BackforGood · 08/02/2017 21:36

Like everyone else, i cant see why you object to it, although my dc never asked / felt they needed one, I cant see the problem if its something all her friends have.

Leggit · 08/02/2017 21:36

Go Henry is ok for under 11's. When they reach 11 a current account with a debit card is a must imo. It's really important for our kids to learn about modern methods of money. Cash is so out of date for lots of things.

Any reason you think she shouldn't have a debit card?

Somehowsomewhere · 08/02/2017 21:37

I had one at 11, I'm 32 now. Don't see the issue.

987flowers · 08/02/2017 21:42

I'd let her have one!

HolgerDanske · 08/02/2017 21:48

I think you need to pick your battles when children are starting out on the transition to adulthood she is four years away from legally being able to marry, she is five years away from being able to drive, and eight years away from actual adulthood. There is absolutely nothing wrong with her having a debit card, and what I would do is firstly, sit down and examine as objectively as possible what reason and argument you have for not wanting her to do something as simple as learning to manage a current account and get started on the way to learning to balance her budget. Secondly, listen to what she is saying. She is ready to take on this step. She is out of sync with her peer group and she is feeling babied. Thirdly, look again at what actual reasoning you have for denying her this opportunity to take a step toward independence.

Gallavich · 08/02/2017 21:51

What is your issue with it?

melj1213 · 08/02/2017 21:51

Go Henry is ok for under 11's. When they reach 11 a current account with a debit card is a must imo

TBH I think that things like the GoHenry card are actually better than just a current account and a debit card as an introduction to money management, whatever age they are. It gives them freedom to make their own purchasing choices but the parent still has the ultimate control ... once you can see they have an understanding and are managing their money, then progress to a current account etc.

With the GoHenry you can put limits/restrictions on what/where/how much they can spend (including online), you can get alerts when they spend it and the children can use their app to keep track of their money and any savings they've set up.

forgottenusername · 08/02/2017 21:53

dd1 had a young person's account from 14 at HSBC. Despite the fact they told us it was impossible to go overdrawn, she managed it! I went in and queried it, wanting to know how it had happened. All to do with switch transactions of low value not triggering a balance check I think.

Anyway, I paid off her overdraft as a one time only deal. It was less than £1 :)

Katinkka · 08/02/2017 21:54

My kids all have Osper cards. Why won't you let her have one?

StillMedusa · 08/02/2017 22:01

She wants to be like her friends...that is normal and understandable. Mine all had cash point cards from yr 7, which turned into debit cards later. Even my DS2 who has learning disabilities has had one from age 12, precisely because we wanted him to learn a necessary skill. (Ok he has lost a lot of bank cards but hey ho)

I think a basic account with an allowance is a great way to learn budgeting!

Niskayuna · 08/02/2017 22:13

I think it's a great idea if she asks NICELY. Given her attitude, she can wait a little longer and learn a valuable lesson about flies, honey and vinegar.

When she's decided to speak to you with some respect... yeah, get her the card. I know, I know, looking at cash in your hand makes you think more about how it's spent, but she's right, it does look and feel more grown up to use one.

If the account only has £20 in it, she'll still learn the value of money when it runs out, or she gets a bank statement in the post showing how it was frittered away.

Spam88 · 08/02/2017 22:13

Oh my goodness...I genuinely didn't think you could have a debit card until you were 16. My mum is obviously a better liar than I thought! 😂

PossumInAPearTree · 08/02/2017 22:24

Dd got a Barclays current account for her 11th birthday. Has a debit card but one where she can't go overdrawn. Her pocket money goes in every month and she has to manage her money.

Crumbs1 · 08/02/2017 22:30

I think ours had cards from around 12 ish. We opened current accounts and set an allowance. They then had to budget for specifics like Costa trips, friends presents, cinema trips etc. Good lessons to be learned.

Leggit · 08/02/2017 22:35

mel you can do all of that with a debit card and online banking. Go Henry is babyish for teenagers, not to mention the fact that you have to pay for it every month. Much better to teach them to manage their own accounts. Current accounts with debit cards for 11+ year olds is designed with them starting to manage their own finances in mind.

Leggit · 08/02/2017 22:39

she'll still learn the value of money when it runs out, or she gets a bank statement in the post showing how it was frittered away.. People still get bank statements sent out! If you get your DC current accounts with debit cards, get the app so they (and you) can check anytime.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 08/02/2017 22:42

Pick your battles, there's loads ahead as she enters her teens and this is def not worth getting stressed out over.

Both of mine had Barclays accounts at that age, think it's 11-16

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