Skip to main content
Skip to main navigation
Skip to talk navigation

Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

AIBU?

DD wants a debit card?

119 replies

katherine775 · 08/02/2017 21:03

My DD is 12, and has asked me, on numerous events now, for a debit card. She says that all of her friends have one, and that she feels 'babyish' and 'left out'.
I'm not one of those ultra protective parents - DD has a phone, regularly goes into town with her friends etc.
Last night, though, was something else. She had a complete meltdown, calling me the 'meanest mum ever'

I don't really see why she needs one - she's only in year 7. If she's going shopping with her friends, I'll give her £10 or £20 to spend. I know that most of her friends do have one - she's not being unreasonable on that. Have explained to her that they don't do anything, etc. but she's just not having it.

What do you think? AIBU? Really need some advice.

OP posts:

Report

Herschellmum · 09/02/2017 15:56

I'm all for not giving in to tantrums, however I'm unsure the reason why she isn't allowed one.

Frankly, if my kids ask for something I will always consider it and give them a response, I'm not saying She should have one, but wondering what your reasons for not giving her one is. Otherwise for a teenager, or anyone it can feel controlling to not be allowed something when there is no reason given.

By all means stand your ground if that's what you believe right, but justify it to her so she understands, she might not agree, but least she knows your reasons.

empirerecordsrocked · 09/02/2017 15:56

Can't imagine why you would have a problem with it tbh. I never use cash any more - contactless card or phone when i can and chip and pin when not. Cash will be phased out imo.

user1486557769 · 09/02/2017 16:00

GoHenry costs £2.50 a month to have, that's a good enough reason for not bothering when they only get a few pounds a week pocket money. I think I'll look into bank accounts though.

user1471596238 · 09/02/2017 16:13

I don't think that the OP was being unreasonable, maybe she wasn't aware of the options available and clearly she cares enough to ask for advice on MN!

MyGastIsFlabbered · 09/02/2017 16:18

Has the OP ever come back? DS1 has just turned 7 and has a go Henry card, it makes him feel very grown up but I get to control how much he can spend in one go. He'll learn that money doesn't just come from the ATM and that you can only spend it once. When he's older I'll probably get him a proper current account but it suits us for the moment.

BusyBeez99 · 09/02/2017 16:20

We had goHenry was ace. Have just cancelled it as DS has turned 11 and opening a bank account next week. Think you are being silly for no reason

pishedoff · 09/02/2017 16:23

DS (13) has had an Osper card for just over a year. I really like it as I can see what he's spending money on and transfer money very easily - on the app. So no worries about if he was out and needed bus money home

He likes it because he looks cool

LemonBreeland · 09/02/2017 16:24

Another one who can't see why it would be an issue. DS1 had his from 12, but Bank of Scotland allow them from 11. He can't go overdrawn, but it helps him learn to manage his own money from a young age. He orders himself things online, although knows to check with us if a website is safe. He mostly uses amazon.

Twinkletowedelephant · 09/02/2017 16:26

My dd is 10... I got her a beeper...It's a keyring from whsmiths with bpay on it I can load it with money and she can use it as contactless payment. Most places take it. She loses wallets and bag regularly...Her keys are a safer bet :)

Twooter · 09/02/2017 16:26

Mine have all got Osper cards - much cheaper than Go Henry. Also means that I can easily transfer more money them via an app on my phone - really useful if they're shopping in town and you suddenly remember something you want them to pick up for you. I like the fact that it's separate to their bank accounts and there is a saving option for the Osper accoint as well.

MrsScrubbingbrush · 09/02/2017 16:29

DDs (11) each have an account with Lloyds which pays interest.

They have a debit card so they can draw out cash/pay online or in shops. They can't go overdrawn. Their pocket money is paid into the account each month & as are any cheques they get for birthdays/Christmas.

It gives them some independence and gets them used to managing money.

All part of growing up.

HerOtherHalf · 09/02/2017 16:33

My kids all had debit cards from an early age. No risks or downsides that I can recall and it had the distinct advantage that I could give them money without having to go to the ATM myself - pocket money by standing order and ad-hoc payments by bank transfer.

dementedpixie · 09/02/2017 16:33

Osper isn't much cheaper than GoHenry as it charges £2.50 per month or £24 if you pay it all in one go. I still wouldn't pay for either of them as you ca get a free. Any account instead

FormerlyFrikadela01 · 09/02/2017 16:44

I feel cheated now. HSBC didn't give me a debit card until I was 16 and it was one of those crappy solo ones that is hardly accepted anywhere. I genuinely thought you had to be 16 to have a debit card.

dementedpixie · 09/02/2017 17:04

www.hsbc.co.uk/1/2/current-accounts/under-18-bank-account they offer a card from age 11

TheEdgeofSeventeen · 09/02/2017 17:37

My mum did this when I was younger and honestly, when all your mates are paying on card and you have to count out your cash ... its embarrassing. because they WILL ask why don't you just pay on card and then you have to explain that your mum won't let you get one and that makes you feel like you can't be trusted and like a baby.

MillionToOneChances · 09/02/2017 18:22

At 12 they can get a straightforward debit card from Lloyds/Nationwide etc. If they have loads of savings maybe don't put them into the new card account

Think about the long term goal - do you want them to spend their money as soon as they get it, or do you want them to save? Do you want them to rely on handouts or manage their own income? Work out how much you usually hand over in drives and drabs every month and transfer that to the DC's account every month. And the fringe benefit is they have a card like their friends.

SecondsLeft · 09/02/2017 18:22

Well, you need to be able to hold your ground with her, but is this the right battle? How about asking her to write you a list of reasons she thinks having a debit card would be useful to her. Then you can show how mature and grown up you are by taking her reasons on board and saying yes. Plus she will have learnt how to successfully get her point across, not by having a tantrum (I wonder if she does this because its the only way she feels listened to?).
I find the text message banking has been invaluable in teaching my two how to manage their money, and track what they have spent on.

Hulababy · 09/02/2017 18:25

DD has had a bank account, with a regular amount going in it since she went to secondary. It has a debit card which she can use at cash machines and also can pay by switch.

I actually prefer her having the card to carrying larger amounts of cash around with her.

Her proper savings are separate and actually not an account she has access too at all. However, sometimes this account does have a fair bit in - she gets more money each month now she is older - as she doesn't spend it all in a month, and will save up for things, etc. She is sensible however, and she knows if she ever loses the card (she hasn't so far in 4 years) or it is taken she must tell us immediately so it can be cancelled.

SecondsLeft · 09/02/2017 18:26

Oh also, if you decide not yet, let her know when - what you need to see from her, or what age.

Hulababy · 09/02/2017 18:26

I didn't bother with the Go Henry type cards that you have to pay for She just has a normal child's account. Most offer debit cards once they are 11/12 years old.

tovelitime · 09/02/2017 18:36

My 14 and 11 year old have Osper cards. I like that I get an app as well as them and it's easy to transfer money. They both get a monthly allowance on to it. They have savings accounts too linked to my bank account and neither has complained that Osper is babyish, it's great. I think that you should definitely be getting your DD some kind of card account, they don't get into debt and they learn to manage their money

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Email address

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

Andylion · 09/02/2017 18:37

Many posters have said that a debit card with their children with budgeting. Surely having cash will do that as well, if not better?

Esspee · 09/02/2017 19:31

A word of warning. Our sons were given debit cards but because of their ages we had to be guarantors. Never had any problems. Couple of years ago I discovered we were still guarantors as we had completely forgotten about it. They are now grown men. Hate to think what would have happened had they run up an overdraft!

MillionToOneChances · 09/02/2017 19:33

Andy yes, because it's easier for them to save and, to be honest, easier for them to make mistakes and learn from them. My DD at 13 emptied her bank account when she thought she had about £100 left. She'd been frittering. She went grey when she realised and had to sit down. I didn't have to lecture or nah, and it was a far more effective lesson than anything I could have done deliberately.

I would infinitely rather she made that mistake with £100 at 13 than £1000 at 18.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.