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AIBU?

DD wants a debit card?

119 replies

katherine775 · 08/02/2017 21:03

My DD is 12, and has asked me, on numerous events now, for a debit card. She says that all of her friends have one, and that she feels 'babyish' and 'left out'.
I'm not one of those ultra protective parents - DD has a phone, regularly goes into town with her friends etc.
Last night, though, was something else. She had a complete meltdown, calling me the 'meanest mum ever'

I don't really see why she needs one - she's only in year 7. If she's going shopping with her friends, I'll give her £10 or £20 to spend. I know that most of her friends do have one - she's not being unreasonable on that. Have explained to her that they don't do anything, etc. but she's just not having it.

What do you think? AIBU? Really need some advice.

OP posts:

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Rosebud2005 · 19/11/2020 09:24

Ds 15 next week still uses his go Henry card but I’m going to be setting up a current account for him instead. I can’t get to grips with the go Henry at all. I put spend limits on it, he gets his allowance each week and I put his lunch on each day but he spends spends spends above the spend limit. How is that happening? I thought it wasn’t supposed to let you spend above that?
I don’t have a problem at all with him spending his own money - it is his money and he can spend on whatever but the issue I’m having is just teaching him generally how to regulate himself. On the go Henry he’s got money sitting there but because he’s already over his weekly spend it won’t release to be available for spending. It drives me nuts! He’s obviously getting older and I want him to be responsible for knowing how much he has to spend .. eg he doesn’t spend his school money on in-game computer stuff which is the one bug bare I have but like I said it’s his money, he doesn’t go out much so if that’s what he chooses to spend on that’s his choice. I usually just put the school money on each day but wondered if - If I were to put all his allowance plus his school money on together- would this work? He’s not the best at working it out x

melj1213 · 10/02/2017 19:08

I'd agree with you, inTheKitchenAtParties HOWEVER, in the first sentence of her post, the OP readily admits that her daughter has asked on numerous occasions previously and has got nowhere ... if she's not actually had a decent reason from her mum as to why she can't have a card, I can understand her frustration leading to a meltdown.

I don't for one minute advocate letting kids get what they want just because they have a tantrum, but her daughter has clearly asked nicely before and got nowhere ... a meltdown was what prompted her mother to at least post on here over it, and found that most people actually agree with her daughter that she is being a bit unreasonable not to let her have one, unless there are reasons that she hasn't actually put on the thread.

I remember as a kid, my mum would forever say no to things, but never explain why not or how I could work towards getting it ... I'd just have to keep asking and to some things, eventually, she would say yes. I never knew what changed their minds, what things would get a different response or how I'd "earned" it and it was a really frustrating game to play.

Fishcakey · 10/02/2017 07:53

My DS is in year 7 and has a bank account with a debit card. He is very proud of it and looks after his money really well.

AnnieAnoniMouse · 10/02/2017 02:15

What do you think? AIBU? Really need some advice

Yes YABU to advertise in this way 😁

My advice would be to get a more fulfilling job!

GwenStaceyRocks · 10/02/2017 01:55

I'm starting to suspect the OP was a plant from Go Henry

InTheKitchenAtParties · 10/02/2017 01:52

In the OP's situation I would refuse. Simply because an 11 year old needs to learn that having a 'meltdown' is not the way to get what you want.

seventhgonickname · 10/02/2017 01:46

DD had one with on line banking sorted last year age 12.All birthday money etc goes inehen her piggy bank goes over £20.
She still mainly spends my money though!

Astoria7974 · 10/02/2017 01:26

Have you taught her how to manage money yet? If not then I'd wait. Most kids accounts with a visa debit card will allow some kind of unauthorized overdraft.

Clnz4fun · 10/02/2017 00:05

Rtft now I see its no different to what it was then.

Clnz4fun · 09/02/2017 23:58

I dont see the problem with it op, she cant get an overdraft or over spend on it as long as she doesnt make a dd on it which i doubt she will have the first clue about.

Don't know if it's different nowadays but when I was 13 and old enough to do a paper round I walked into Halifax and opened an account myself don't even think I asked my parents.

MillionToOneChances · 09/02/2017 23:06

I find that simply taking the illicit purchase and throwing it in the bin/returning it is a fairly good deterrent 😄 I don't often lay down the law, but when I do it's better not to cross me.

melj1213 · 09/02/2017 22:51

ComputerUserNumptyTwit that's why something like GoHenry/Osper is a good "starter" card ... you still have control and can block purchases from certain websites etc but otherwise they can control their own spending.

My friend's son stilltries to do the same as yours with his GoHenry card, always trying to buy stuff his mum has said no to or knows she'd say no to if he asked lol, and so she won't let him have a debit card yet as he can't be trusted with the total freedom of purchasing it would give him ... when he can be, then he will get transferred from his GoHenry to a regular bank acct.

Butkin1 · 09/02/2017 20:10

DD (13) got an Osper card for Christmas. I like the fact that I'm in control of it. I can see what she's spent her money on and if she needs money urgently I can top it up via the app I seconds.

She's taking it to Italy on a school trip tomorrow and I'm happier that she has it rather than loads of Euros.

When she's older and left home or got a job then a current account will be fine but for now her Osper and Building Society a/c seem to be fine for her age.

MagicMoments22 · 09/02/2017 20:02

I had one at that age. No overdraft and only money in there was pocket money. Treat it as part of your money education for her

SallyGinnamon · 09/02/2017 20:00

My DC had them as soon as the bank would let them. Try Santander.

They get pocket money paid in by standing order every month and have to budget.

kel1234 · 09/02/2017 19:54

I never had one until I was 16..

crabwoman · 09/02/2017 19:50

I'm 33 now and had a debit card around that age. My parents transferred about £100 into it at the start of every term, and I was expected to make it last.
Can't see what the problem is tbh.

MillionToOneChances · 09/02/2017 19:36

My kids get their pocket money and that's it. No advances, no loans, no cash to go shopping, and from 14 they buy their own clothes. They manage their money themselves. They do it very well, mostly.

ComputerUserNumptyTwit · 09/02/2017 19:34

Just to buck the trend of the thread, mine has bought all manner of inappropriate (not porn or AK-47s, but not stuff you'd give your blessing to either) online, thanks to having a debit card

On the other hand, umm's post about being able to top up their spends from a distance is spot on. Not just for if they get stranded, but for if you want them to pick something up for you when they're in town.

And as others have said, it's so important to pick your battles.

MillionToOneChances · 09/02/2017 19:33

Andy yes, because it's easier for them to save and, to be honest, easier for them to make mistakes and learn from them. My DD at 13 emptied her bank account when she thought she had about £100 left. She'd been frittering. She went grey when she realised and had to sit down. I didn't have to lecture or nah, and it was a far more effective lesson than anything I could have done deliberately.

I would infinitely rather she made that mistake with £100 at 13 than £1000 at 18.

Esspee · 09/02/2017 19:31

A word of warning. Our sons were given debit cards but because of their ages we had to be guarantors. Never had any problems. Couple of years ago I discovered we were still guarantors as we had completely forgotten about it. They are now grown men. Hate to think what would have happened had they run up an overdraft!

Andylion · 09/02/2017 18:37

Many posters have said that a debit card with their children with budgeting. Surely having cash will do that as well, if not better?

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tovelitime · 09/02/2017 18:36

My 14 and 11 year old have Osper cards. I like that I get an app as well as them and it's easy to transfer money. They both get a monthly allowance on to it. They have savings accounts too linked to my bank account and neither has complained that Osper is babyish, it's great. I think that you should definitely be getting your DD some kind of card account, they don't get into debt and they learn to manage their money

Hulababy · 09/02/2017 18:26

I didn't bother with the Go Henry type cards that you have to pay for She just has a normal child's account. Most offer debit cards once they are 11/12 years old.

SecondsLeft · 09/02/2017 18:26

Oh also, if you decide not yet, let her know when - what you need to see from her, or what age.

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