To expect husband to use his brain occasionally?

[McDougal]

Together for 16 years, married for almost seven but almost certain that he has engaged his brain about three times during that period. He'll do absolutely anything for anyone, me included, but the second conversation turns to him doing something without direction, he goes blank. Please tell me it's not just me that this infuriates?

Ohdearducks I do wonder if there is a correlation between these women who won't shag anything but perfection, ergo won't shag anyone...

Maybe that's why they are so angry!

MrsRyan yes I am still married to and do respect him.

He just doesn't have a clue about how to look after DC. He does a hard physical job, most of the cooking, all the housework, DIY, maintenance, taking the bins out. He also does the market shop. I look after the DC and do the supermarket shopping and the washing.

I only know how to do the things I do because I have 26 years of experience. He has about 6 in the same things.

Well each to their own Bath but I couldnt look a man in the face that didn't know how to look after his own children. I think it's shameful. I certainly wouldn't have had more than 1 when I realised he hadn't a dam clue how to be a parent.

Ohdearducks - That was a nice post about your husband. Really lovely. And you are right love and partnerships are about so much more than just point scoring and ensuring that no-one is "done out of anything" !!

And MrsRyanGosling15 - I think looking after your own kids is something everyone can do in their own way - the problem seems to be finding a system that both parents can follow easily, especially if one is out of the house a lot or one is very insistent on a certain routine.

As I said I didn't really like the way my DP did the childcare and I couldn't just arrive home from 12 hours out of the house and pick up where he left off - but he did a brilliant job and the kids still talk about the places he took them and the fun they had.

I love clever men.
It's a far more important attribute than being "gorgeous and an amazing shag."

Men are criticised for having such shallow views.

I need intelligence in a partner.

Skerrywind have you rtft? She was replying to a query about who would shag her DH!

I'd say there are worse reasons to consummate the nuptials!

skerry one of the most intelligent men I know can't tie his own shoe laces. We all have our thick bits.

Intelligence is often coupled with everyday ineptitude, agreed.

I wonder how many of you would earnestly say you aren't feminists.

What exactly does this have to do with the OP's post Bert?

I know a lot of intelligent men and it is important to me - very sexy - but actually after many years I would now pick kindness over everything else.

And my brother is super-clever - top of his field- one in a million. But cannot tie shoelaces, remember anyone's birthday or do the simplest DIY! Yes we all have our thick bits..

"It's a far more important attribute than being "gorgeous and an amazing shag."

That's not why I'm with him, it's why I want to shag him you can reread the rest of my post to find out why I'm with him, those other attributes I gave are far more important to me than cleverness.
This man has single handedly cared for me and took on everything else 100% through two hyperemetic pregnancies and never complained once, he makes me laugh every day, he brings me flowers just because, he makes time to play with our kids every day, he tells me he loves me and treats me like a queen when I am far from it.
Why would I throw all that away because he lacks common sense?
It seems like you've latched on to one part of my answer to another poster in order to make me seem shallow because "men are criticised for having such shallow views."
Well that's fine what ever helps you get your point across but I think it's clear from my previous post that, that's not my motive for tolerating my DPs occasional lack of common sense. I tolerate it because he's human and not perfect just like everyone else.

Women also display the same traits you know (specific women not the whole clan!) so it's not man specific. Like it or not most people take on roles within a relationship, hopefully those roles aren't specified by gender but still roles non the less. We're doing a lot of work on the house, driving older cars, raising two dc's and both working full time. I probably do more cleaning than my wife, cooking is probably equal, cars / houses tend to fall into my area (I used to be a "proper engineer before becoming a desk jock and my father was a carpenter!) organising the kids events, finances, clothes and administration generally my wife's arena. We both spend time with dc's but yes I'd need to look at a calendar to know when DC1 was doing activity x and wouldn't necessarily know who's teacher was who's. On the other hand my wife (educated to PhD level) would probably lopp fingers off using a chop saw and struggle replacing suspension struts! In conclusion we do well in our own arenas and are comedecly bad outside them occasionally... probably whilst we make a good team!

That's exactly it, these traits aren't gender specific! Partnerships are about supporting each other and acknowledging strengths as well as weaknesses.

You'll notice all my posts have been specifically about my DH, no generalisations at all, but differences will always be commented upon and this thread obviously lends itself well to exploring gender stereotypes.

Yes we absolutely can be less than the perfect brain boxes some on here claim to be married to.
I've had my moments, we all do stupid things from time to time.
If a partner's level of empathy, respect or love for me depended on my level of intelligence than I'd happily never see them again, I just couldn't be with someone so cold hearted.

My DH is very, very clever. He works in academia, is brilliant in his subject, has good general knowledge and is great at working out all sorts of conceptual problems far faster than me (and I'm pretty smart!)

He also had cancer in his mid-20s and the chemo drugs have left him with short-term memory issues and ADHD-like tendencies (can't be diagnosed as ADHD as that has to have started in childhood). So he is pretty rubbish at knowing our daily routines, remembering dates/appointments or spotting chores that need to be done. I'm pretty sure there is an element of laziness in there, as he was pretty untidy before he got sick, but it's considerably worse now. It drives me crazy, despite my best efforts to be patient, and I worry about how we'll cope when I go back to work (currently on mat leave with 4mo DS) ,but it's not because he's a manchild or whatever other insult some posters would throw at him.

MrsRyan I did only have one with him, not because he "didn't know how to be a parent", but because, at 49, running around after a 5yo might just kill me! I definitely don't want to be doing it at 54!

He does what he does spectacularly, I do what I do spectacularly, and it all works out very well.

I couldnt look a man in the face that didn't know how to look after his own children. I think it's shameful. I certainly wouldn't have had more than 1 when I realised he hadn't a dam clue how to be a parent.

I think this sums up perfectly the difference between feminists and the MN femintwatsie.

Also I believe it is the reason feminism isn't given more support on MN and the questionably inappropriate word gets thrown about so much... because by god, I would not want anyone to think that identifying as a feminist meant I shared these hateful and intolerant views on anyone.

How about "I couldn't look a person in the face who couldn't look after their own children".........?

For the record, I think most of the behaviors people have talked about on this thread would be unacceptable regardless of the sex of the person displaying them. But I suspect women would be cut significantly less slack......

Less slack

Yes, less slack.

Women are generally held to account for the way houses are run and children are raised in a way that men are not. Surely that's not a particularly controversial thing to say?

Held to account by whom?

Many men would not run a household as a many woman would.

But do you know what? Left to fend for themselves they would be just fine... even looking after the children.

Women are not generally complaining that the husband doesn't do the things at all.

Is that they don't do them their way. On their timescales. To their standard.

It not the bad bad men that causes the issues, it's the bad attitude towards equality used by some nasty women under the guise of feminism.

Release the clench. Practice acceptance. Experience contentment without oppression. Stop giving feminists a bad name.

Held to account by a still-patriarchal society, obviously. Which regards domestic chores and childcare as female roles, and too often regards male input into these areas as 'babysitting' and 'helping out'.

It not the bad bad men that causes the issues, it's the bad attitude towards equality used by some nasty women under the guise of feminism.

How bizarrely angry you are by the mere existence of the idea of equality, baffled. Are you baffled by a lot of things, as your name suggests, or just feminism?

Gosh, you're cross, baffled!

Do you really think my mild expression of my opinion that men (NAMALT) should not use assumed helplessness to avoid household/childcare tasks they do not wish to do (something that many people have observed happening) and that women should not go along with this is "giving feminism a bad name"?

"Gosh your cross" only works as a goad if the poster is actually cross and not just baffled at the stupidity women who truely believe they are fighting for equality and cannot see they are in a grudge match to put men down so they can know how it feels.