To expect husband to use his brain occasionally?

[McDougal]

Together for 16 years, married for almost seven but almost certain that he has engaged his brain about three times during that period. He'll do absolutely anything for anyone, me included, but the second conversation turns to him doing something without direction, he goes blank. Please tell me it's not just me that this infuriates?

Meh, you are sounding a little idealistic. Which is fine, until you start to apply it to real life.

Look, if you died tomorrow he'd have to work out the Nursery times and step up to the plate with everything else.

So knowing that, if you're still happy for him to treat you this way then that's your choice.

But I think it's a pretty shit example to your daughter. Therefore I think the two of you should put your heads together and work out how to set a better example.

Perhaps you could try being less overbearing and take a step back, and he could try taking on more of the jobs you do.

I'm struggling to see what feminism has to do with the men in our lives being a bit challenged in the intelligence department?
AFAIK it's not sexist to be a man and be a bit, well, thick for want of a better word. If he's a good person than why does it matter if he's a not the cleverest? Everyone deserves love regardless of their intelligence.

Quite new to this so didn't realise I needed a lighthearted disclaimer.

My original post came following a long day at uni (exploring feminist literature ironically) and just wanted to have a moan and maybe a little reassurance that it's not just me who feels like this.

I'll give being a smidge more laid back a go though. He makes it look amazing so might as well

My son-in-law is rather like this. He is a supervisor in a demanding,busy job with one of the emergency services. Could do his job blindfolded he is so competent at it. Yet (according to my DD) the minute he walks in the front door at home,he turns into a giant toddler,physically incapable of doing anything,even just making a cup of coffee. He collapses on the sofa or bed,whingeing incessantly about how tired he is and how ill he feels,and tries to get my DD to run around after him for the rest of the evening (she doesn't). Really does make me wonder how he manages to hold down such a responsible job.

I'm with you OP, I took your initial post to be lighthearted. Things can get a bit intense on here at times, especially if there's a man involved in the equation.
Women usually get great advice on here for serious issues/problems with there husbands and partners but I think sometimes it turns in to a general dislike of men and spills on to other threads where things are being said lightheartedly.

Gosh- I don't think I've ever been called a feminazi on so little evidence!

Incidentally, it is a bit offensive to the victims of actual Nazis. Maybe another word would be better?

"I think sometimes it turns in to a general dislike of men "

I love men. That's why I hate seeing them characterized as Kevins or toddlers, or it being assumed that they are incapable of looking after themselves and their families, despite being adults capable of holding down a job

I actually wasn't being lighthearted. The way it comes across may seem that way but it was meant as a serious point.

Why are some men allowed to become brainless fuckwits as soon as they get home? If they were truly brainless fuckwits then they would have a job, a car, know about rents and mortgages etc etfc.

Op... This may sound victim Blamey.
Stop wiping his arse for him. Stop letting him be an idiot.

He's just as capable at home to organise things as he is at work where he organises everyone. Difference is, at work hell get sacked, at home.... You'll do it....

You're basically his mum......

Femin-twat-sies?

It is possible to categorise men as much as it is women.

I've always wondered if there's a 'Dadsnet' to give the internet a bit of balance.

Yay, another thread bashing men

"It is possible to categorise men as much as it is women."

What do you mean?

Definitely not my intention to bash anyone. As I said in a previous post, I was just wondering if anyone found themselves in a similar position and was infuriated by it as much as me.

For all I know, DH could be on dadsnet asking if anyone else's DW expects them to do things before they need doing 😬

LOL. I once said about my FIL that he had two modes: automatic or remote control. This has oft been repeated! It doesn't get better.

He is not on dadsnet. There is no dadsnet.

To make a dadsnet successful dads would have to, on the whole, take the initiative to find the solutions to the latest family challenge. That is not the norm - and before anyone starts, I know that your DH or dp is the exception.

That's why it's mumsnet.

So true, Baffled.

There's a Dadsnet here on MN.
There are also a great many 'men' orientated forums across the web.
You'll find hundreds of men talking about a great many issues and technical type things. DIY is popular, knowing how to do butt joints or rendering a wall or artexing a ceiling. Car forums too, boring out valves, fitting fat exhausts, tuning timing. Etc etc.

A good few of those intelligent diyers, car driving men will then plead ignorance when it comes to putting the washer on, for some reason its very complex, or they'll 'forget' how to load a dishwasher, couldn't possibly remember when kids go to nursery etc basically certain men will feign ignorance and thickness about anything that is no i terest to them, that way they don't have to do it, their partner will.

Remember:
"Your just better at it than me love" almost always translates into,
"I can't be arsed and I know you'll do it anyway"

"Your just better at it than me love" almost always translates into,
"I can't be arsed and I know you'll do it anyway"

I said almost those exact words to DH the other day before he expertly gave my car some TLC.

Truth is if he hadn't, I'd have put it in the shop. I could do it, but I won't. We make a good team.

My DH is pretty on top of things...now. I do have/had to drill him like a Drill Sgt though to make sure he knows stuff. He knows I get frustrated at his lack of knowledge so has developed lots of coping strategies. I always say to him that if I wasn't here he'd have no choice.
My Mum died when I was 8 so the concepts of a mum not being there and a dad doing everything are natural to me. IYSWIM?!
WRT all the things he does that I don't, I can do them I just choose not to. We have a very equal split of responsibilities. I'd manage without him and he'd manage without me. We'd both be financially better off too! (Insured lots) so if I stop posting will someone track me down please?

Baffled - that's exactly it with us too. We know our strengths and we stick with them. No harm in that.

Apart from when I have too much time to think our strengths aren't evenly balanced and post on here to vent

"To make a dadsnet successful dads would have to, on the whole, take the initiative to find the solutions to the latest family challenge. That is not the norm"

Why not? Pink brain/blue brain?

Oh BertrandRussell, I don't know why It is the norm, probably because I don't care why it is the norm.

It's back to idealism vs realism isn't it? It just is. Norms are just the norm.

And we can neurotically try to change reality from what it is into what it apparently should be, or we can enjoy the roles that suit us best in our partnership. We can also still reserve the right to get a little pissed off with our significant other from time to time. Its all very natural.

Not everything needs to derail into a femintwatsie vs reasonable women situation.