To expect husband to use his brain occasionally?

[McDougal]

Together for 16 years, married for almost seven but almost certain that he has engaged his brain about three times during that period. He'll do absolutely anything for anyone, me included, but the second conversation turns to him doing something without direction, he goes blank. Please tell me it's not just me that this infuriates?

Baffled

"Not one person, not one, has dared to mention the baby brain effect of becoming a new father. That, "oh fuck, it's in me now. If I don't bring it home my baby won't eat and could die. Is better be super effective at work."

Why is that? Maybe it's fear of the men-haters who expect it all from men and expect to be understood as woman and as a mother."

Maybe it's because you've just assumed that the man is the breadwinner which, given it's not the 1970s, is probably not the case. So actually the 'shit, it's all on me now' moment was mine.

And FWIW I'm a feminist and not a man-hater. Nor do I buy in to negative male stereotypes. I think it's natural human behaviour (both genders) to take a shortcut and let someone else do things if they show willing to.

The issue is that women are generally socialised to allow this to happen to please people and be amenable and are also socialised that the state of the house/children is a reflection on them (whereas men are socialised that the monetary value of the house/car/etc is what reflects on them).

I reckon that last post nails it, Stumbly .

Yes stumbley ! I am the sole bread winner for my family - it's me me only me

And I know how to bake a
Potato

Hate cooking though - such a waste of time . Wish we could have have food pills

Stumbly nailed it. I'm as feminist as it gets but if my in laws are coming round I do some last minute cleaning because in their eyes, a dirty home reflects badly on the woman.

Fwiw, I don't hate men. I love men, and respect them. That's why I think they are equally able to do the boring, thankless drudge work that women do. I reckon it's the people who think men are 'useless at that stuff' who hold them in low regard.

Friends of my DH (mine too but his originally, from uni) had a baby a few weeks ago. I bought a card to send to them and gave it to him to write. It's still not been written or sent, despite him moving it upstairs to the bedroom (??) and me reminding him a dozen times. I can't write it, then he looks like a wanker. Do I literally need to hand him the pen? It takes 30 seconds to write a card! I'll f-ing post it! Just write it! ARGH

Ah, I see the thread had moved on somewhat. Ahem.

I'm against dickheads of both sexes.
Hope that makes things clearer for you.

I am a feminist. I don't do extra cleaning when my inlaws come round, but I'm not going to get arsey with those who do. I am pissed off with sexism, inequality and the
undervaluing of what is seen as women's work.

But I don't take my frustration out on other women and call it feminism. Because it's not.

Since when has being a feminist mean that you don't like a clean house when you have guests?

You're back Bert. Did you make that donation?