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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be a tiny bit pissed off they stole my only bit of me time

264 replies

Babyiwantabump · 07/02/2017 13:21

Eldest in play group .

Youngest was napping.

Finally sat my bum on the sofa with a hot cup of tea and a bit of the Netflix.

PIL turn up Angry
No phone call before - I explain that eldest at playgroup youngest asleep upstairs it's just me . They still come in . Then I have to run around making them drinks and focusing on them!

They ruined my me time!!

AIBU?

OP posts:
OctoPawpaJetter · 08/02/2017 22:08

Oh man. You was robbed. That sucks.

I have committed to half an hour's exercise 5 days a week...that's mostly also WITH one or both kiddos around while I jump about to my DVD (baby rarely sleeps long enough for me do even 30 mins, the ratbag...but another story). I WILL NOT answer the door during this time. Especially when it's someone reading the meter or trying to sell me something.

Original poster
Babyiwantabump · 08/02/2017 22:13

Oooh lots more messages since I last checked .

Anyway , yes I would have been annoyed if it was anyone who came round doesn't matter that it was the PIL.

Other thing that annoys me is that they didn't ring before - they ALWAYS ring before if it is OHs day off to check it's ok ! Why do they think they don't have to do that with me is beyond me - shouldn't it be the other way around?

OH thinks that they just want me to like them? Eh? I do ! Maybe a little less if they are going to keep doing this though!

OP posts:
Original poster
Babyiwantabump · 08/02/2017 22:14

And they never babysit or watch our DSs - SIL kids yes but not ours .

Baffles me but that is a whole other thread !

OP posts:
Liiinoo · 08/02/2017 22:28

My ILs used to do this. They just didn't understand the concept of someone wanting to be alone and when DH went away on business would urge me to stay at theirs. They eventually got used to the fact that I was in their eyes an oddball who liked to be alone.

A few years ago we went away for a few weeks. An old friend of mine who was living in very difficult, crowded conditions moved into our house for those weeks. She was longing for peace and solitude. My (lovely) ILs found out she was there and felt sorry for her isolation. They visited her everyday, often driving her back to their house for meals. Unlike me, she was too polite to 'just say no' and her peaceful break did not go to plan.

HappyFlappy · 08/02/2017 22:52

I made several large hints that they were to fuck off but it didn't work

I hate that OP - it's happened at Chez Happy , too.

Me: For fuck's sake will you not all just fuck off to the far side of fuck and then fuck of further than that.

Bastard In-Laws : Why yes. Thank yu. We'd love a cup of tea.

Angry
Ohyesiam · 08/02/2017 23:08

That would have made me feel violent. And in an soooooooo a pacifist.

Original poster
Babyiwantabump · 08/02/2017 23:13

happyflappy that made me LOL

It was exactly like that :

Me:Erm well it's just me baby is asleep and toddler at playgroup .
Them: oh well we shall come in anyway
Me : but it's just me - baby asleep toddler at playgroup. I was just sitting down for 5 minutes to myself
Them : (looking around living room ) oh it really is just you
Me: yes I'm alone for the first time in ages . Baby is asleep . Toddler is at play group . I have some time for myself for a change .
Mil : (big smile) oh we can keep you company - pop the kettle on that's a dear .
Me ShockHmmConfused Erm ok . But it's just me . Baby is asleep . Toddler at playgroup . I was having 5 minutes (trails off ) Sad tea or coffee

OP posts:
Original poster
Babyiwantabump · 08/02/2017 23:15

There was a lot more of me repeating myself and them not getting the hint but you get the gist

OP posts:
TinklyLittleLaugh · 08/02/2017 23:57

I have been plagued by this for years but I am older now and have toughened up. Last Saturday afternoon, DH was taking the boys to football, DD was seeing friends. I had downloaded a new book on my kindle and was looking forward to a free afternoon.

FiL rang up and announced he was coming round. DH explained that everyone except me was goin out, bearing in mind that FiL and I do not get on at all. "Fine" he said "I'll just come round and have a chat with Tink."

Only he never just chats to me: he talks at me in a long, boring and goady monologue. It makes me want to beat my head against a wall. So I made DH ring him back and say I had plans.

"You've hurt his feelings you know" said DH, all reproachful and disappointed. Fine. You stay home from the football and entertain the old git then. He's not my Dad.

mathanxiety · 08/02/2017 23:58

NavyandWhite, would you drive 170 miles to see someone when you didn't actually know if they were home or in a fit state to see you or if they were entertaining other people that night?

harrietsout · 09/02/2017 00:48

I would be annoyed about this too! From my experience, the type of people who call in unannounced are the type of people who take it really personally when you bring the subject up with them and ask them to call ahead.

woollytights · 09/02/2017 07:55

It's quite far fetched to call it rude or inconsiderate Hmm. They stopped by for a cup of tea and a chat, as a one off, and were gone after an hour. How some of you can get so angry about that is very peculiar to me, and I'm a miserable, antisocial fucker. I'd empathise more if they made a habit of imposing themselves or were nasty but I'm not getting that impression in this instance

If you really didn't want them there you could have taken some control of he situation and said you were busy dealing with something quite important so could they pop back later on.

Mumsnet, where it's fine for the postman to have a piss up your house but incredibly rude for your in laws to pop in and say hello!

RachaelCatWhisperer · 09/02/2017 08:13

I don't think it was a one off, actually, and it is certainly rude and inconsiderate to turn up unannounced but yet not accept that it isn't a good time. Pop round by all means but don't step over the threshold without being invited in.

Oh, and very rude and inconsiderate to dismiss how someone feels, even if you disagree.

MachineBee · 09/02/2017 08:35

I've just had a weekend where I was seeing my grownup DDs together for the first time in 6 months and DSis hijacked my time with them. We were staying at my DF's because the girls wanted to visit some of their late DF's family. I no longer live in my hometown and one DD lives abroad and the other miles away, hence why I don't get to see them together much any more. The only time I had with them together during the weekend was visiting their DFs grave, because of other pre-arranged visits. Hmm Sad When I called my DSis out got mad she said she hadn't seen her DN (the one who lives abroad) for 2 years! Except she was with me when I saw them last summer Confused. She is a Grandma who sees her own DD and GCs every week and would flip her lid if anyone interfered with those arrangements. Whether it's interrupted me time or special time with your kids/DH/best friend there will always be a self-absorbed relative that has no thought for others feelings! Angry

SparkleMotions · 09/02/2017 08:55

This would do my head in! I don't have the greatest relationship with my PIL, so I'd be pissed off it they just turned up whenever they felt like it, but I don't answer the door to unannounced visitors, if people want to come in they bloody ring first!

NavyandWhite · 09/02/2017 09:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BiddyPop · 09/02/2017 09:16

But Navy, it is when you are judging with your judgie pants hoicked up so far!

Sometimes it literally is about needing a few minutes of peace to cope with the rest of the day. Not everyone is a complete extrovert with endless resources of energy and pleasantness.

NavyandWhite · 09/02/2017 09:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BeyondThePage · 09/02/2017 09:30

If you do bother answering the door in future - always do it with a coat on - keep one strategically placed - that way if it is someone you DON'T want to see, you are on your way out "so sorry" or if you DO want to see them, you just got in and glad you didn't miss them...

BiddyPop · 09/02/2017 09:48

But you are commenting on the OPs response and other posters' responses to the same scenario, and saying that they are unwelcoming, and sounding like you think they are not very nice people, when you DO comment on similar posts.

So absolutely, the question about what YOU, yourself personally, would do Navy in that circumstance, is totally relevant. And also how you would expect to be received, or whether you personally would be upset if you weren't welcomed with open arms having not given the person you are deigning to call on the warning that you are coming or the option to tell you that it doesn't suit.

NavyandWhite · 09/02/2017 09:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SapphireStrange · 09/02/2017 10:01

Navy, equally, in what world is it not mean/rude/selfish to just turn up unannounced?

I wouldn't have ever come to see you again. In this poster's case, that's probably what she was hoping!

NavyandWhite · 09/02/2017 10:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SapphireStrange · 09/02/2017 10:04

they ALWAYS ring before if it is OHs day off to check it's ok ! Why do they think they don't have to do that with me is beyond me - shouldn't it be the other way around?

This goes back to the point that they clearly feel that your OH's time is more important than yours.

You need to assert yourself. The conversation should have gone
You: Erm well it's just me baby is asleep and toddler at playgroup
Them: oh well we shall come in anyway
You: No, it's not convenient. Let me know next time you're free to come round and we'll find a good time.

SapphireStrange · 09/02/2017 10:05

Navy, family if anything should be MORE considerate of each other's wishes than friends.

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