To be a tiny bit pissed off they stole my only bit of me time

[Babyiwantabump]

Eldest in play group .

Youngest was napping.

Finally sat my bum on the sofa with a hot cup of tea and a bit of the Netflix.

PIL turn up
No phone call before - I explain that eldest at playgroup youngest asleep upstairs it's just me . They still come in . Then I have to run around making them drinks and focusing on them!

They ruined my me time!!

AIBU?

[LoupGarou]

Re the 170 miles - it really depends on the relationship the poster had with her stepdad doesn't it?

We have people drop in pretty much every day, we live in a very tiny very remote community in an area where we have to leave doors unlocked so that people can duck into somewhere safe if a polar bear pitches up and gets a bit too keen. I do not like people turning up unannounced, for me its a PTSD trigger. I do appreciate that its just the way people are here though, and people here are lovely. If I asked any of them to leave as I wanted some time to myself, they would, without getting offended at all - people accept that if you just pop in you might get turned away and nobody minds this. That is what makes it tolerable, that and the fact that nobody expects you to dance attendance on them.

I have set things up so that I am as comfortable as possible with drop ins, our house in open plan and I have a set of four big soft armchairs around a table between the kitchen and living areas, guests can sit there while I go about my business and I can still talk to them easily. That way if I'm in the middle of say, baking, I don't have to stop.
The drop ins were pretty handy when we were renovating the house, while DH was at work it was useful to have people to hold pieces of wood for me and pass me tools while I worked .
Our dog is also trained to keep people in the entrance hall/mudroom and alert me as I really would not be able to cope with people walking in and surprising me.

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

@SingingInTheRainstorm - this was not just because it was the PIL - the OP has already said that she would have felt the same whoever it was that turned up.

Where I used to live, I had a number of friends who used to drop in unannounced all the time, and I liked it. It worked for me, at the time - the boys were all over 3, so were out at playgroup or school, and I welcomed the company. But I can remember back to the time when they were much smaller, and they'd have a nap after lunch - and I loved that bit of time to myself, to watch Neighbours and Home and Away and/or nap in my chair in the front room - it was very precious, and helped me hang onto the remaining shreds of my sanity, and if people had popped in unannounced then, I would have felt deprived, in the same way the OP does. Luckily I hadn't made that group of friends, at that point, so there was very little unannounced popping.

I can see both sides of the step father who drove 170 miles and was turned away. On the one hand, as @NavyandWhite says, it seems pretty mean to turn away someone who has driven that far, without so much as a cup of tea - but on the other hand, as @mathanxiety says, it is pretty strange to drive that far without having contacted the person you intend to visit, to make sure they are in and in a fit state to welcome company.

Maybe the compromise would have been a quick cuppa, and then send him on his way - a bit less mean but would still have made him think about phoning ahead the next time?

[LoupGarou]

I still can't understand these people who never answer the door unless they are expecting someone. It's totally bizarre.

It depends on where you live though doesn't it? In one of places we lived previously we lived in the middle of nowhere in a place which had a reputation for drifters (not UK). If I wasn't expecting someone is would have been foolish to open the door.

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

I missed your post, @LoupGarou - I suppose it is better that the people pop in unannounced than that the polar bears do!

I can imagine the AIBU from the bear - "It was really cold and my neighbour's door was unlocked, so I just popped in for a hot drink - she screamed and got a gun and chased me out! AIBU to think this was Rude and Inhospitable??!"

[LoupGarou]

@STDG "wtf is wrong with people these days, maybe its a generational thing? It would never have happened in my day. Only on bearsnet. Sad face."

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

Yup!!

[ThumbWitchesAbroad]

SDTG - she did make him a cup of tea before sending him away again! :)

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

Ooops - I missed that. Humblest apologies!

[chatnanny]

I'd hate it too but am aware that I'm very British about it. I have two friends one South African and one Kiwi who say they were really hurt when they first lived here that people obviously didn't like them popping in... took them a few years to get used to it. I even ask my own adult DC if it's ok to pop in. Have to say they don't return that compliment! My DS walks in, opens the fridge and asks what there is! Cheeky thing.

[derxa]

I'd hate it too but am aware that I'm very British about it. I have two friends one South African and one Kiwi who say they were really hurt when they first lived here that people obviously didn't like them popping in..
I think it's a very English thing.

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

I live in Scotland, and where I live, people don't seem to just pop in - you make arrangements for someone to come for coffee. I have lived here for over 8 years, and have a nice circle of friends - I have often said they'd be welcome to pop in - I don't work and am usually at home - but it has never happened.

[derxa]

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius I suspect we live in different areas. People in the country are forever just turning up. Not so much as in the past though.

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

I'm sure you are right, derxa - do feel free to drop in for coffee any time you are in the area!

[derxa]

I'm sure you'll be delighted to see me looming over the horizon.

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

I will - honest! And I make a mean cup of coffee.

[RachaelCatWhisperer]

I think it depends what they do when they get there though. I think if you pop round and the person says that it's not a good time, you have to listen and go away until it is convenient. And if you are not prepared to be dignified and respectful if turned away, YOU SHOULD RING AHEAD!!!!!!!

I still say a drawbridge and portcullis is the answer.

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

Optional boiling oil?

[impossible]

Don't answer the door next time (we've all done it) but be grateful. My dcs didnt have grandparents and I would have loved that supported and an older generation for them to get to know.

[RachaelCatWhisperer]

Yes I think we've all established that you think this is all unreasonable Navy.

[SalmonFajitas]

lol Navy admit it you turn up at all your friends' and relations' houses unannounced and get offended if they're busy don't you?

[Redlocks28]

This would drive me mad-I truly hate people that just stop in!

[FeeLock28]

I used pull out the phone socket and put a big notice on the front door saying, "New mother sleeping - please call back later". Worked well and people phoned in advance.

[Deejoda]

It is a vert British thing.
It would depend on who was popping round. My mum I wouldnt mind because she would look after herself, maybe even cook or offer to look after the baby so I could get a rest/have a bath/nip out to the dentist. My PIL I would mind because I would feel the need to offer them drinks and couldn't just run off to do my thing. In general, I couldn't ignore the doorbell. A sign on the door sounds like a good idea though

[hennaoj]

Could be worse. Try being newly living together, between 8am and 9am on a Sunday morning when your in-laws to be turn up, several weekends in a row. Even tried to put us in separate bedrooms when we first moved into out own house!