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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be a tiny bit pissed off they stole my only bit of me time

264 replies

Babyiwantabump · 07/02/2017 13:21

Eldest in play group .

Youngest was napping.

Finally sat my bum on the sofa with a hot cup of tea and a bit of the Netflix.

PIL turn up Angry
No phone call before - I explain that eldest at playgroup youngest asleep upstairs it's just me . They still come in . Then I have to run around making them drinks and focusing on them!

They ruined my me time!!

AIBU?

OP posts:
citybushisland · 08/02/2017 19:16

My in-laws can't understand why I won't have them in my house or visit them (DH takes the children there). Might have something to do with the fact that they refer to me as 'the nig-nog' or 'the half-caste' - I'm neither btw, my mother does come from overseas and I have dark hair and tan easily, but I remain unconvinced that having a french mother makes me mixed race and certainly doesn't entitle them to be so rude. DH has repeatedly explained to them that it's not on and has in the past threatened to cut contact, (for which they blame me because I'm a whatever),I won't let him as I feel they are his parents and the kids grandparents but for my own sanity I cannot spend time with them.

user1483875094 · 08/02/2017 19:21

It's SO easily solved... I struggled with a similar problem with a friend, who simply had nothing to do week in and week out, and so I made a laminated notice, which I started sticking on my door, stating... PLEASE DON'T KNOCK, WE ARE BOTH SLEEPING, CALL ANOTHER TIME. THANKS SO MUCH! It really worked, and I can clearly remember the first time she came and saw the sign, and I shrank into my sofa, whilst she dithered, ... but she did not knock, and I used that laminated sign over, and over again, successfully! Good luck, and I truly understand.

Hollimum · 08/02/2017 19:30

The amount of times my Mil has turned up is just too much. She has a spare key and has been known to let herself in when no response. I once woke from a nap with her in my bedroom... I have just recently realised I can lock the door from the inside (only took me 5+ yrs!)

NavyandWhite · 08/02/2017 19:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

caringcarer · 08/02/2017 19:55

I would have said I had not slept with kids in night and was just about to have a nap myself. I am going for a nap but PIL would be welcome to wait downstairs until eldest DC needed collecting from nursery and perhaps they would like to collect for me.

mathanxiety · 08/02/2017 19:56

YANBU.
Me time is the only thing that keeps you from being run ragged.

Postchildrenpregranny · 08/02/2017 20:00

My parents were 120 miles away when I had my first child How I would have loved them to be near enough to drop in ..
But not many people had phones when I was growing up and we lived in a rural area It was the culture to drop in without prior arrangement.

scoobydooagain · 08/02/2017 20:31

My ds was 4, it was the first night I had in by myself since he was born ( he was at his dad's, contact up to then had been non existent then a couple of hours), nice food cooking, wine opened, knock on the door my step father drove 170 miles to see me, I was gutted, nearly cried, gave him a cup of tea and sent him 170 miles home, he has never turned up unannounced since.

NavyandWhite · 08/02/2017 20:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mathanxiety · 08/02/2017 20:50

What is your secret to mental and emotional health that does not require time to yourself, NavyandWhite?

Sugafreesadness · 08/02/2017 20:55

I work three days a week and my PIL do this EVERY day I have off. If they see a car outside the house they immediately see it as an invite to come in. It's exhausting. I've got three kids under 5 and yet they still come in, sit down and wait for a cup of tea whenever they fancy and NEVER help. Literally babysit once a year and then moan about it for weeks after. And some how I feel like a bad person because I so resent them coming round!

Strygil · 08/02/2017 20:59

I am amazed by how many of the "first world problems" aired on here could be solved by a little [polite] plain speaking. In your position I would have [in fact I did once] welcomed the visitors, pointed them at the kettle and the biscuits and said "How good to see you, I must have a nap, can you keep an ear out for the baby, and when he wakes up I'll join you all" and beggared off upstairs. They were a bit taken aback but in the end quite flattered to be trusted to babysit.

What you put up with politely you volunteer to have done to you again - and you'll never again have the first chance to put your foot politely down.

MrsJBaptiste · 08/02/2017 21:00

Really scooby??? Wow.

I'm clearly in the minority as I love having visitors. They can pop in all they want, it's lovely seeing family and friends. Keep turning them away and they might stop bothering.

Daydream007 · 08/02/2017 21:06

YANBU. They have no respect or thought for busy people. They just assume that other people just sit in doing nothing waiting for visitors. Tell them to phone next time.

NavyandWhite · 08/02/2017 21:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

user1476119077 · 08/02/2017 21:08

Its so easy to send a text and tell you - I would just be honest and say sorry Ive got plans and I cant see you.

Whingewine · 08/02/2017 21:09

If I'm not expecting anyone I don't answer most of my friends and family will ring if I don't answer the door straight away then you cab decide ;) lol

Butterymuffin · 08/02/2017 21:12

If the doorbell rings again without you knowing who it is, always have your coat in your hand when you answer the door. Then if needed, you say 'What a shame, I'm just on my way out to the dentist / my friend's / to collect something I have to collect at this specific time'. You may have to get in the car and sit there for a minute but once they're gone you can resume Netflix Smile

ItsThisOneThing · 08/02/2017 21:14

I'd be crying 😭 Quiet time alone is so blimmin precious! I love my ILs and family kids but would be gutted if anyone turned up unannounced during my quiet time! This has happened to me before and I always feel guilty afterwards as I think they must have picked up on the fact that I'm less than happy to see them. So then not only have I missed out on my trashy TV time I'm also saddled with guilt 😱

wherethewildrosesgrow · 08/02/2017 21:14

This happens to me every single fucking afternoon, eldest at school, youngest asleep, I'm also 35 weeks pregnant with anemia and its really taking it out of me....and pil just keep rapping and rapping the door til I answer, despite a note being pinned to it, today I snapped, today I shouted, because I have said politely on more than one occasion, that I really need that afternoon rest, I ended up in floods of tears after they had been sent on their way, husband is away til weekend so no help whatsoever with child care, but I fully intend on leaving everything to him this weekend, I'm not getting out of bed...at all....I really cannot understand why pil cant understand...what wrong with peoplde

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 08/02/2017 21:19

I think you need to return the compliment with the two kids in tow. They must have a fav tv programme or routine you can disrupt. When they complain you can be wide eyed and simply say that you took your lead from them 😀

rollonthesummer · 08/02/2017 21:20

This happens to me every single fucking afternoon

Every afternoon?? How long have they been doing it?! What on earth do you find to talk about? I would be proper mad with this. Text them every morning and say you can't sleep at night, are exhausted and going to sleep and looking forward to an afternoon of silence!!

phoenix1973 · 08/02/2017 21:22

Oh no you're definitely not bu.
That would have been my worst nightmare!
Ignore the door next time. Phone on dnd.

AyUpMiDuck · 08/02/2017 21:37

Similar to Gandalf with the coat, I'd wrap a towel around my head and say I'm just colouring my hair and have to wash the stuff off in 5 minutes. Really sorry etc etc. And, if you're feeling generous: Can you come back in an hour when the kids will be awake?

holidaysaregreat · 08/02/2017 21:39

wherethewild that sounds awful. Can't you ask them to help out? Might even be worth just going out yourself to avoid them.

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