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Original poster

To expect my partner not to watch porn ?

240 replies

Mammamia2016 · 06/02/2017 10:46

Hi all,

My partner is seemingly obsessed with porn, any opportunity he gets he will try and watch it. I put a block on the internet, so as he couldn't get onto that he then watched creepy videos on YouTube.
I am getting to the point now where I am completely sick of it, he won't have sex with me for up to a week but will watch porn in between, everytime I have found something I get so upset and every time he says he won't do it again. Now I am just numb to it and wondering wether I need to just call it a day?
We have a little girl who is 6 months, it's got worse after I've had her, I'm almost certain he watched it whilst I was in hospital after a very traumatic birth with our daughter whilst she was just hours old. I feel a lot like it's my fault, he often tells me I'm no fun anymore and we don't really have sex. He doesn't try it tbh and I'm very low in confidence. I was quite badly raped before I got with him , which he doesn't know about, I don't know if that's a factor into why I feel so betrayed and upset with him watching porn or wether it is just a normal reaction.
I am thinking of leaving him, but every time I say anything I am 'being over the top'.
Am I ?
Do I follow my heart and stay with him, or go with my gut and leave him?

Thanks in advance

OP posts:
Screwinthetuna · 06/02/2017 20:31

Here *

Screwinthetuna · 06/02/2017 20:33

Raccoon, if he knew the reason why it's affecting her so much and still didn't give a shit then of course, absolute dickhead. It's the fact he doesn't have a clue

BertrandRussell · 06/02/2017 20:33

"vagina look like something out of a horror film and yet it's inexplicable to think that he might not want to go pouding his penis into it."
Such a sensitive way to describe
Loving consensual sex after a traumatic birth experience..............

Original poster
Mammamia2016 · 06/02/2017 20:33

Of course he knows it's affecting me !!!!!!

OP posts:
Screwinthetuna · 06/02/2017 20:34

Plus klap, she's not telling 'someone' she was raped, it's her bloody husband who she has just had a baby wirh and who she is sharing her life with! That's not, 'someone'!

Doughnutsandrainbows · 06/02/2017 20:34

Op, sorry if I've missed a bit but got side tracked by the debates around porn.

Have you talked with your DP about the other issues without talking about the porn. E.g. the sex, your perception of yourself, his perception of you, his of himself, you of him, your dd etc?

It may well be something on either side and the porn is a symptom of the issue, which yes, needs to be resolved, but is causing you both to avoid talking about the issues. Maybe they are things you can move on from, and maybe they aren't, but I think that's where I would start. The porn thing to me sounds like a distraction... as we have seen on here.

Apologies if I've totally gone off track and out of line x

RacoonBandit · 06/02/2017 20:36

He does have a clue. The OP has told him it is hurting her. She has told him it is distressing her. She has told him how shit his need to constantly watch porn and wank is affecting their relationship. Why should she discuss a really fucking traumatic rape with a man that does not care? Why should it take her rape to make him stop hurting her.

OP I am so sorry to keep discussing your rape in this way.

Screwinthetuna · 06/02/2017 20:37

Op, you have so much you both need to talk about if you want to work things out. Have you asked him why he's watching so much porn? Literally say, 'why do you feel you have to watch this every day?' and see what he says?

AnyFucker · 06/02/2017 20:38

I wouldn't be sharing the details of my rape with a porn addled verbal abuser either

In fact, I would be removing myself and my dc very far away from him

TedEriksen · 06/02/2017 20:39

U2

Apologies, that ended up being more arsey written down than in my head.

For a subject as contentious as porn, I'm prepared to accept there are a lot of different viewpoints, but it's not like we are talking about video games or birdwatching or football. There is a moral dimension to this argument and anyone is entitled to find porn usage unacceptable in a partner.

Screwinthetuna · 06/02/2017 20:42

Doughnutsandrainbows, that's exactly the point I've been trying to get across.

RacoonBandit · 06/02/2017 20:47

Why is all of this down to the OP to solve?

She has tried to discuss it with him.
It's his porn habit that is causing problems in the relationship.
Yet apparently it's down to the OP to put all the effort in/accept his hobby of an adult man. To do this she must reveal a very traumatic event with him even though he has already shown he does not give a shit about her emotions.

Screwinthetuna · 06/02/2017 20:50

Stop calling it a hobby, Racoon, that's ridiculous. It is NOT down to just OP to resolve, it is down to both of them, which is why they BOTH need to voice whenever it is they have going on that's making them unhappy in their relationship

Somerville · 06/02/2017 20:50

Sorry to come back and irritate you with more of my low-intelligence discourse, Screw, but the ship sailed a long time ago with the point you and Doughnut are making. OP made it clear right from the start...

I get so upset and every time he says he won't do it again.

I feel a lot like it's my fault, he often tells me I'm no fun anymore and we don't really have sex. He doesn't try it tbh

every time I say anything I am 'being over the top'.

OP is talked out.

Bluntness100 · 06/02/2017 20:51

. Perhaps quite a few agree with me in that the problem with the porn isn't the biggest issue in this scenario, but op's past traumatic sexual events.

Christinayangstwistedsista · 06/02/2017 20:54

The OP has made her feelings clear, his response has been that she isn't fun anymore

RacoonBandit · 06/02/2017 20:55

I was not the one that started calling it a hobby Screw that was the phrase used by one of your porn is cool supporters.

Have you read any of the OPs posts? She has said she has talked to him. It is his porn habit that is making her unhappy. What else do you suggest she talks to him about?

Fables77 · 06/02/2017 20:57

When do you find the time? The human species baffles me I'd rather watch paint dry.

Screwinthetuna · 06/02/2017 20:58

Does he prefer it to having sex with op though? She said he doesn't have sex with her 'for up to a week.' That's still pretty regular sex. Again, has she asked him why he feels the need to watch it as often as she thinks he does? Is it an escape in the way that others may drink/get high? Why? Who knows. This is why they both need to talk about their feelings without (and I'm speculating here op, I have no idea) him perhaps feeling backed into a corner and embrassed about the porn watching.

Screwinthetuna · 06/02/2017 21:00

Raccoon, 'porn is cool supporters'Confused. Haha, pretty sure I've never once insinuated that porn is cool. Doesn't affect my life, true, but this isn't about me.

RacoonBandit · 06/02/2017 21:01

It's like talking to a brick wall.

Screw the OP has talked to him about her feelings. He does not care. He does not think he is doing anything wrong. So now what do you suggest?

birdbandit · 06/02/2017 21:03

Flowers for the OP, sorry your post has been derailed by MRAs X

Christinayangstwistedsista · 06/02/2017 21:05

OP has said that they don't really have sex and he doesn't try

From what She has said it looks as if they have discussed it, he has said he wouldn't do it again and then has

Screwinthetuna · 06/02/2017 21:05

Perhaps she's shouted and he's literally embrassed for being caught out, little a lad with a dirty magazine, and has lashed out.
Which is why I suggest she comes at it from a different angle. Instead of saying, 'stop watching that, it's upsetting me, etc' she ask him WHY he's watching porn so often and see what he has to say for himself. OP is clearly not happy in the relationship (and I'm sure nobody is judging that, she has every right to be unhappy and he might be a complete dickhead) but he might also be unhappy and if OP wants to save her marriage, why not discuss this

Screwinthetuna · 06/02/2017 21:08

Christina, she said they don't have sex for up to a week. Maybe I just have the world's most boring sex life, but that's sounds frequent to me