To expect my partner not to watch porn ?

[Mammamia2016]

Hi all,

My partner is seemingly obsessed with porn, any opportunity he gets he will try and watch it. I put a block on the internet, so as he couldn't get onto that he then watched creepy videos on YouTube.
I am getting to the point now where I am completely sick of it, he won't have sex with me for up to a week but will watch porn in between, everytime I have found something I get so upset and every time he says he won't do it again. Now I am just numb to it and wondering wether I need to just call it a day?
We have a little girl who is 6 months, it's got worse after I've had her, I'm almost certain he watched it whilst I was in hospital after a very traumatic birth with our daughter whilst she was just hours old. I feel a lot like it's my fault, he often tells me I'm no fun anymore and we don't really have sex. He doesn't try it tbh and I'm very low in confidence. I was quite badly raped before I got with him , which he doesn't know about, I don't know if that's a factor into why I feel so betrayed and upset with him watching porn or wether it is just a normal reaction.
I am thinking of leaving him, but every time I say anything I am 'being over the top'.
Am I ?
Do I follow my heart and stay with him, or go with my gut and leave him?

Thanks in advance

The point is though, SomethingBorrowed, that OP has made it clear right from the start that it does affect their sex-life and their relationship.

And both you and Screwinthetuna are bringing up masturbation as this great "aha!", as though those who are opposed to porn are also opposed to wanking. I can't speak for everyone else on this thread but I am most definitely not.

racoon Everyone established that op's issues go far deeper than porn. It's to the other women calling people's husband a dick because they watch porn.

I'm wondering if these women also fast forward over the sex scenes in movies if their partner is watching it?

"I'm wondering if these women also fast forward over the sex scenes in movies if their partner is watching it?"

Ah, yes. The old if you don't like porn you're a prude line.

So what's the difference, bert.

Is a man watching a sex scene in a movie and then imagining it and wanking in the shower better than a man having a quick wank while watching porn?

I'm wondering if these women also fast forward over the sex scenes in movies if their partner is watching it?

Sex scenes in films are simulated. You know that, right?!

My husband happens to have the same objection that I do to porn. That most of it objectifies women, and that some of it is non-consensual and it is impossible to tell which. Also that the sex industry has massive links with people trafficking and drugs.

"Is a man watching a sex scene in a movie and then imagining it and wanking in the shower better than a man having a quick wank while watching porn?"

Of course it is. Have a think and try to work out why. I'll wait.........

other women calling people's husband a dick because they watch porn.

The only husband I can find who has been called a dick is the one who told his wife that 'all men watch porn'.

Ah, yes. The old if you don't like porn you're a prude line.

Quite.

So because I cannot trust an industry that is known for abusing women and I don't enjoy watching 5 men gang bang a teen I am a prude. I'm ok with that label.

Those women who have said they are ok with porn and the OP is being OTT have only supported her dick of a husband who blames this new mother for their lack of sex life and a untidy home. Nice. You should be real proud of yourselves. The OP has admitted low self esteem and a previous rape yet still this is all her fault.

I am horrified by some if the comments on this thread...are there really women who think that porn addiction is just watching sex and harmless and just like the movies, but with the added fun of wanking? And that if you ain't into it, then you are a killjoy prude and men are just men with needs, locker room chat is harmless etc.

I had no idea that time travel was a thing.

Some people on here have been quite frankly vile. Others I am really glad of your advice, I've spoken to him (he's at work and won't be back till late) and i feel he's manipulating the situation. Saying why am I going to take his child away from him when he's not done anything that wrong, why don't I still love him he loves me blah blah. I would never take his baby away from him to be clear. This breaks my heart but I can't keep repeating the same upset week in week out, I don't want my DD getting bigger and realising something isn't right. I haven't had any counselling no, but I don't feel I need it. I also won't be telling him about it, we've been together 2 years and I think if I were to tell him it's a bit late in the day now. He doesn't seem to comprehend the fact that no matter how trivial watching porn is to him, it isn't to me. I haven't remotely enjoyed the last couple of times we've actually had sex as I'm so self conscious, he's looking at perfect women and he's got a stretch marked, saggy partner with leaking boobs! I don't know wether to just call it a day or to try the counselling. At least on my own I wouldn't feel so fragile

I've said in my post that i don't think the op's partner is treating her right, but that has nothing to do with other posters then making the usual comments that 'your dp doesn't respect you' 'doesn't care about you' 'you're just a cool wife'.
I think the same way about the comment that 'all men watch porn' as not all do.
People are going to disagree, but saying that your partner doesn't care about you just because he watches porn ( which happens every single time) is a low blow.

Honestly op, he sounds like an arsehole and you'd be better off without him.

I agree with navy.
Even if he doesn't have a problem with porn ( tiny possibility) you don't like it. You are never going to agree on it. (Which is fine you don't have too).
He will probably always hide it to avoid a fight.
Tbh this sounds like only a tiny problem if he's saying the other things to you!

I'm wondering what the hell some people watch when they think all porn is 5 men having sex with a teenager. Plus, men are just as objectified.
As very clearly started before, the op's issue is obviously a lot deeper than just the porn issue and I haven't read all the posts but telling someone to leave their husband because they watch porn is shocking.

On it's own I think porn is no problem. Sometimes you don't want sex, just a little me time. I watch it and I know dp does too. If I blocked anything he would flip his shit and quite rightly. It isn't your place to tell another adult that they can't do something perfectly legal. But tbh it sound like the tip of the iceberg. Just another thing in a long line of behaviour that makes you feel second best/undesirable/insecure etc. I think you're focusing on it too much as one behaviour. Try and put your finger on what it is about him watching porn bothers you. Does he not look at you the same anymore? Not initiate anything? Talk to him about that, I think. Does he redeem himself in any way? If not then I'd probably end the relationship.

Sorry didn't read the full thread but I just want to add something after reading your last update. I do watch porn. Perfectly sculpted bodies and large cocks and sure they're nice to look at but they'll never appeal more than dp because he is reacting to me iyswim. They're faking a lot of it and you know that. Your partners reactions are to you and that is sexier. I don't care that he doesn't look like the men in the videos. He loves me, wants me and I'm making him feel like that so who cares if he's a little soft in the tummy and not very muscled. I don't think you should be comparing yourself because he likely isn't. But like I said I haven't rtft as I'm hiding in a toilet at work so if he really is a wanker then disregard that.

Live and let live. If that's his "hobby" then you should tolerate it. You don't have to love everything that your partner is interested in - football, train sets, pornography - just as they don't have to love everything you are interested in. Respect each other. If you think he has a problem with porn and it is damaging your relationship, then seek professional help. It's the same as with drinking alcohol or smoking weed - one partner might do it, the other partner might not be interested in it. Provided they respect each others' right to do/not do it, then there really isn't a problem - it only becomes a problem when abuse of a substance (including porn) damages the relationship, or there is pressure to join in.

Him watching porn is not in itself harmful to you - or even disrespectful towards you. In his eyes, it is completely disassociated with you. The "actresses" and/or "actors" are not real people - they are characters engaged in an activity which happens to be sex and happens to be being filmed.

Well I don't have a problem with porn, but if he's watching it every opportunity , even in the hours after uou gave birth , i would be thinking that's totally weird to be honest and I'd have a problem with it too. In fact I'd go as far as too say it's downright odd and I'd be a bit repulsed by it.

If this was prolonged behaviour for me it would also probably end my relationship. I wouldn't try to stop it as its changing who he is, but who he is would not be someone I personally would like to be involved with. If that makes sense.

Screwinthetuna because this is something that they will never agree on.
There is nothing wrong with the dp watching porn, but op does not have to like it.
She doesn't, and never will.
The dp shouldn't have to stop and most likely won't.
This is a massive thing that they will never be able to fix, although this seems like one of many problems.

So porn is a hobby now

Barin the OP nor any women for that matter should tolerate an emotional abusive man who puts porn above the mental wellbeing of his wife!
Why would anybody tolerate coming second to a porn star?

OP if your DH really cared about you he would stop.
A loving partner would not want to hurt you.
Porn is not necessary for his survival and it is not a normal hobby.
He should be the one in counselling given he puts a fake sex life above his real life one.

If you leave then he will blame you but remember you have given him a choice. His family or porn and it appears he is choosing porn.

Please tell me that I dreamed somebody putting football, trainsets and pornography on a par...............

Sorry Bert apparently they are similar hobbies. You didn't dream it.