To expect my partner not to watch porn ?

[Mammamia2016]

Hi all,

My partner is seemingly obsessed with porn, any opportunity he gets he will try and watch it. I put a block on the internet, so as he couldn't get onto that he then watched creepy videos on YouTube.
I am getting to the point now where I am completely sick of it, he won't have sex with me for up to a week but will watch porn in between, everytime I have found something I get so upset and every time he says he won't do it again. Now I am just numb to it and wondering wether I need to just call it a day?
We have a little girl who is 6 months, it's got worse after I've had her, I'm almost certain he watched it whilst I was in hospital after a very traumatic birth with our daughter whilst she was just hours old. I feel a lot like it's my fault, he often tells me I'm no fun anymore and we don't really have sex. He doesn't try it tbh and I'm very low in confidence. I was quite badly raped before I got with him , which he doesn't know about, I don't know if that's a factor into why I feel so betrayed and upset with him watching porn or wether it is just a normal reaction.
I am thinking of leaving him, but every time I say anything I am 'being over the top'.
Am I ?
Do I follow my heart and stay with him, or go with my gut and leave him?

Thanks in advance

I know, but further down the post she said they don't really have s x and he doesn't try

But he's not a little lad. He is a grown man!

Why is this mans shit behaviour being excused like he is a lil rascal who cannot control is sexual urges...yuk.

Anyway, enough for one day. I hope you manage to resolve things, op, if that's what you want to do. I also hope you deal with your past demons and gain your confidence back. I'm sure you are a lot more beautiful than you feel/your husband makes you feel and I sincerely hope you find a way to feel happy

Sorry I was talking about taking the porn out of the equation totally, and having a conversation sided by both. Not referencing issues back to the porn which obviously puts people on the defensive/ attack whichever side of the fence they sit.

I'm not saying the porn isn't an issue, but the OP posted that he said she's not fun anymore, that she should leave the baby crying and has posted that she doesn't perceive herself positively. He may well have similar feelings about himself.

To me that suggests that they should have a conversation about how they can get their sex life back on track if that's what they both want. Bringing the porn into the conversation which they appear to have opposing views on, ultimately turns it into a full blown conversation about that... which doesn't help. I don't think the ship Has sailed if that hasn't been attempted.

The OP said he doesn't try... does he think he is and isn't getting a response? Does she think shes trying and not getting a response... in which case does he think shes not trying. Does he feel jealous of DD and the time OP devotes to her (not saying that's wrong but could be something he's feeling)? Why does OP feel concious (I appreciate she put due to those in porn but it is feasible that this only exasserbated by the porn ) I'm not saying talk about the trauma of the OPs past if she doesn't feel it appropriate.

It may well be that it is purely the porn damaging their sex life... just from my reading of OPs posts I would think there is more underlying it.

I've always been very upfront with potential new partners that i dislike porn and consider watching it when you're in a relationship as cheating as you're viewing someone else sexually and getting sexual pleasure from someone other than your partner. This is my personal feelings and preference and then they have the choice, if they are happy to give up the porn completely we can explore beginning a relationship, if it's something they're not willing to give up that's fine too, but i won't be interested in a relationship with them. I don't think it's fair to get in to a relationship with someone who you know does something (watches porn, smokes, drinks etc) then expect them to change that some point down the line.
It does sound as though he's going way over the top with it though, watching it at every possible opertunity at the detriment to your sex life and couples time, and time as a father. If he really did watch it just hours after the birth of your child whilst you were in hospital, that is disgusting.
He knows it upsetting you, he's promised to stop and he won't. That disrespect and complete disregard for your feelings would be the end of things for me. If he honestly prioritises porn over his partner and child, he's got a major problem or he's a complete arsehole.

Realised I have totally gone off track... Not that I don't still believe what I typed. Got side tracked by sex life being an issue.

If it is purely just an issue of him watching porn and you not liking it because of how him watching the porn makes you feel, and him not taking this on board then you really need to put yourself first. X

Screwinthetuna- once a week is not regular you may indeed have a boring sex life unfortunately.

Screwinthetuna- once a week is not regular you may indeed have a boring sex life unfortunately.

"once a week is not regular"

What? Of course once a week is regular. The clue is in the "once a". Frankly when you have small children if you have the interruption-free time and energy for daily chandelier-swinging rumpo I take my hat off to you.

Possibly you're just being flippant but I hate the idea that there's a "correct" amount of sex to be having, where more is crazed nymphomania and less is "a problem". It's only a problem if you're unhappy with it.

I was merely demonstrating the point that what can be considered frequent to one person may not be considered frequent to another.

"I was merely demonstrating the point that what can be considered frequent to one person may not be considered frequent to another."

Well, quite, but not in a particularly helpful way.

Well neither is stating what one would consider to be frequent when another may disagree and not offering any helpful advice to this poor lady.

Fables, you clearly came on this thread to argue. Behave yourself

You behave

ARe people forget that the ops rape is secret, as in her partner doesn't know. Do not make out that he doesn't care she was raped and is using porn over her. Porn is for a quick release and having an orgasm is good for so many reasons. There is nothing wrong with enjoying porn, there is nothing wrong with not liking it. The op needs to decide wether to leave this man or not based on what she doesn't like, he is not I. The wrong and neither is she, he can't see why she hates it as much as she does because she hasn't explained that to him, she doesn't have to, but then she has to accept there is no reason he shouldn't be allowed.