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Original poster

To be shm after children are at school

921 replies

Notthinkingclearly · 05/02/2017 17:45

I have 2 dc who are 6 and 9. Since my first child was born i have been a stay at home mum. My DH works away alot abroad so I am often on my own. My Dc's have not been the most robust and have both had quite a few weeks off school with legitimate reasons over the last few years with hospital appointments. I have felt that if I had been at work I would have been a rubbish employee. I seem to be really busy all the time but feel I am constantly justifying to everyone why I don't have a job. I look after a relations 2 year old one day a week, help in school one day a week and I am a member of the schools PTA. I don't go out apart from supermarket or a walk during the week and only ever sit down to eat my lunch during the day. Am I as spoilt and lazy as I am made to feel?

OP posts:
formerbabe · 06/02/2017 17:05

But it CAN be done, it's possible, just requires a hell of a lot of organisation

It's really not always possible. The wages I'm capable of earning would not cover the cost of a childminder before and after school. One of my dc has sn which means they could not go to holiday clubs. God knows what I'd do for the 14 weeks holiday they get a year. I also have no idea what job would allow me 2 days off a week to attend appointments. It isn't always possible to work.

elektrawoman · 06/02/2017 17:57

I am a SAHM and I am always busy, but not rushed off my feet. I am not a daytime tv sort of person. I do have time every week to meet a friend for coffee or go shopping. (I could spend all day cleaning and have an immaculate house but don't want to!). It's still a juggling act with all the DCs and I do honestly wonder how working mums manage! I recently had one child off school ill for a week, then there is half term coming up, plus medical appointments, school meetings - then house stuff like repair guys and deliveries - I agree it's not a full-time job looking after school age children and a house, but I also don't know how you find jobs that allow this much time off? Genuine question. (I am trying to work out what job I could go back to!)

StealthPolarBear · 06/02/2017 18:02

In fairness I don't have medical appointments. Not sure how they're manageable as theyre not usually flexible.

StealthPolarBear · 06/02/2017 18:03

Working mums and dads need to manage together and share the time off

WizardSally · 06/02/2017 18:06

What will you do with yourself all day, every day, every week/month/year? I don't get it.

Weekends will feel like every other day with the exception of the kids being home. What is there to look forward to? I just don't get it.

BoboChic · 06/02/2017 18:08

WizardSally - not everyone has no interests or hobbies!

formerbabe · 06/02/2017 18:13

What will you do with yourself all day, every day, every week/month/year? I don't get it.

Well today I went to the gym. Went for a walk whilst running some errands. Hoovered the whole house. Cleaned both bathrooms. Cleaned the kitchen. Did two loads of washing. Re organised the playroom. Made dinner.

What is there to look forward to?

Plenty of things...Same as if you went to work but had things to look forward toConfused

mambono5 · 06/02/2017 18:14

What will you do with yourself all day, every day, every week/month/year?

Financial reasons aside, do you really need a job to entertain yourself and have a purpose in life? Wow. Nothing wrong with a fulfilling career, but it doesn't mean you would be lost without work. Would you?

StealthPolarBear · 06/02/2017 18:15

Your house must be gleaming! Tomorrow will you be admiring it (I have fantasies of the house staying clean for more than a few hours)

mambono5 · 06/02/2017 18:16

When you think about the amount of people moaning on Sunday night and wasting their life waiting for Friday.. pretty sure many would be happy not to have to go to work and would find plenty to do.

WizardSally · 06/02/2017 18:16

Not everyone feels entitled to have someone else financially support them in order for them to enjoy interests and hobbies all day every day.

So let's break a normal day down, how would it look?

7-9 getting DC ready and doing school drop offs
9-10 cleaning, maybe?
10-11 some sewing, perhaps? Art? I don't know, whatever the 'interest' is.
11-12 read a book, do some puzzles?
12-1 lunch with a friend
1-2 codes with a friend
2-3 yoga, maybe?
3-4 getting ready to collect DC
4-5 supervising homework, making dinner
5-7 dinner & a tidy
7 onwards whatever evenings normally consist of.

Every. Single. Day?

WizardSally · 06/02/2017 18:18

Well today I went to the gym. Went for a walk whilst running some errands. Hoovered the whole house. Cleaned both bathrooms. Cleaned the kitchen. Did two loads of washing. Re organised the playroom. Made dinner.

Every single day? How do you feel any sense of achievement or have any drive to get up to do those things?

I wouldn't be lost without work if I felt I had EARNED the right to spend my days however I please but I would need something, some kind of structure otherwise all days would just merge into one.

StealthPolarBear · 06/02/2017 18:19

Presumably some days would involve longer exercise, swimming maybe. Pps have mentioned hospital appointments, they can take all day.
lunch with a friend can easily last longer than an hour. If I were a sahm mning would be on that list at least three times, which is probably why it's a good idea I work

formerbabe · 06/02/2017 18:19

My house is clean until the DC come home...Sad

I find the day flies by with me still having loads to do. Tomorrow I need to do the food shop and I'll go to the gym again. That will take about 2.5 hours out of my day leaving me with 3.5. I'll probably do my ironing for an hour...Wash my hair and do my nails(another hour). Make myself lunch and sit down to eat it...Then time to pick up kids. It's not massively exciting but I'm happy.

StealthPolarBear · 06/02/2017 18:21

Yes I know that well. Can I send them to boarding school (preferably with dh)?

NataliaOsipova · 06/02/2017 18:21

Weekends will feel like every other day with the exception of the kids being home. What is there to look forward to? I just don't get it.

But weekends absolutely aren't like every other day....because I've had all week to deal with the boring crap that needs to be done. And I've had all week to think about/research/book brilliant stuff to do with the kids at the weekend. So obviously I look forward to the weekend, because we are out and about having a super time as a family. All the shopping, laundry etc has been done....or it can be left until Monday morning.

And I have the school holidays to look forward to....when I get to spend weeks on end with my children. What's not to get?

WizardSally · 06/02/2017 18:22

Everything that has been listed consists of exercise, cleaning and appointments - all things people manage successfully whilst working full time and not something you would ever imagine someone planning to do with their existence.

What do you want to do when you grow up?
I want to clean, exercise and have the flexibility to attend appointments.

Or

I'm handing my notice in.
Why?
I want to clean, exercise and have the flexibility to attend appointments

Obviously some have medical reasons or dc with behavioural/medical reasons that make it impossible to work and I'm not including them in the above.

StealthPolarBear · 06/02/2017 18:22

Cooking can easily take me half a day

mambono5 · 06/02/2017 18:23

WizardSally

If you can't think of anything more interesting to do during the day than a puzzle and cleaning, I feel a bit sorry for you. It sounds like you have a fascinating and fulfilling job (which is great), good luck with your retirement though. Don't get me wrong, I love my job, but if I could afford not to go anymore, I would be gone before you can say P45.

WizardSally · 06/02/2017 18:23

Wtf are you cooking??

WizardSally · 06/02/2017 18:24

I did ask how would a normal day look and improvised as I work so wouldn't know. Feel free to offer a more realistic breakdown of the day.

So planning activities to do at the weekend takes all week?

StealthPolarBear · 06/02/2017 18:26

Something like lasagne. I use lots of vegetables and chop them very precisely :)

WizardSally · 06/02/2017 18:26

Sounds delicious

NataliaOsipova · 06/02/2017 18:28

WizardSally. But most jobs require you to do the same (or at least reasonably similar) things day in and day out. That's why it's a job.

I'm dying to know what you do! I had what would be considered my many to be a pretty exciting/glamorous sort of job....but, being a job, it wasn't exactly a thrill a minute sort of existence, even though it had its good parts. Are you the Prime Minister? Or Hollywood actress?

formerbabe · 06/02/2017 18:28

Every single day? How do you feel any sense of achievement or have any drive to get up to do those things?

I feel a massive sense of achievement and happiness thank you. I'm pretty happy looking after the house and DC. I feel a great sense of satisfaction when my DC come home to a clean house with a nice home cooked meal and me there to sit with them and chat about their day and help with their homework and reading.

We all enjoy different things.