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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or is 36 too old to start a family?

123 replies

VivienneWestwoodsKnickers · 05/02/2017 17:07

I'm 36 in 4 weeks, DP will be 37 about the same time.

We need ICSI to have a chance at kids, and I need to drop a lot of weight before we are eligible. Think 5 stone.

My DP is worried that we're getting too old to think about starting a family. I'm beginning to doubt myself on this element of the many issues we're up against, as I didn't think it bothered me. Apparently it does a little.

So is 36 too old? How did you find it?

(Massive assumptions here that in the next 13 months I can get the weight off, actually conceive in the one attempt at ICSI on the NHS and carry to term etc. I may well be 37 by then).

OP posts:
EggsEleven · 05/02/2017 17:08

I was 38 when I had DC1. I don't know any different but I don't think I was too old to start a family.

Joinourclub · 05/02/2017 17:10

Definitely not too old.

booellesmum · 05/02/2017 17:11

Definitely not too old.
My mom had me at 39 and that was 44 years ago - I am an only child.
She was classed as an older mum back then but completely different now.
Good luck!

DesignedForLife · 05/02/2017 17:11

I'm 33 and just had DC2, I think you should go for it. I don't feel too old to have more.

Maverickismywingman · 05/02/2017 17:12

Definitely not too old.

mayhew · 05/02/2017 17:12

Not too old for kids by any means. Or to lose 5 stone. Both have the potential for immense improvement for your health and happiness. Crack on.

WhaddaPalaver · 05/02/2017 17:13

I was 37 when DC1 was born and almost 40 for DC2.

Was chatting with a friend the other day and she mentioned that her mother was 45 when she was born. They have always had a really good relationship.

You have some challenges ahead re: weight loss and ICSI, but you are most definitely not too young my dear.

WhaddaPalaver · 05/02/2017 17:13

I mean OLD!!! Not too OLD Grin

esiotrot2015 · 05/02/2017 17:14

definitely not

cudbywestrangers · 05/02/2017 17:14

I was 33 when I had ds1 and was often the youngest mum at groups. The oldest mum I came across was 44 when she had her twins. So 36/37 definitely not too old!

esiotrot2015 · 05/02/2017 17:15

although I would start tomorrow witha brand new lifestyle plan and getting your dp on boad is crucial to this

Ilovewillow · 05/02/2017 17:15

Definitely not too old but I wish you well with the fertility route - it can be tough at any age. I had my first at 36 and second at 41, both IVF.

Xmasbaby11 · 05/02/2017 17:16

Not too old at all. Lots of friends had first child at 35 to 43. Not that it's easy, of course, but if that's what you want you should go for it asap.

I was 35 when dd1 was born and dh was 46. His age is a bigger factor imo - we havev2 dc now and he is exhausted.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 05/02/2017 17:17

36 - on the older side to start a family, so not ideal.

36 - on the older side but would like Children, vs No children - ideal to start asap.

humanfemale · 05/02/2017 17:19

No way! Kids in mid and late thirties is very much the norm where I live.

Original poster
VivienneWestwoodsKnickers · 05/02/2017 17:19

I don't know why I'm massively doubting the decisions I'm making at the moment. Thank you all.

He's totally on board with the lifestyle changes (apart from the gym - he hates it. Military, has a pathological hatred of PTIs and all thing related I think!) . He's given up smoking after 20+yrs, minimised alcohol, secured a 2 yr shore posting etc. He's just debating the various issues I think. He's the infertile one bless him.

OP posts:
fortitude9 · 05/02/2017 17:20

What? No! 36 is like the average for 1st or 2nd baby in my area of London!!

ManaFleet · 05/02/2017 17:22

My DS is 8mths old and I am 43. We'll be trying again this year but will prob call it a day around late Summer as that would result in a pregnancy coming to fruition when I'm 45.

Go for it!

CantGetNoSleeeeeeep · 05/02/2017 17:23

I'm 36 and I don't feel too old get cracking on the weight loss good luck!

CiderwithBuda · 05/02/2017 17:24

I had DS at the age of 37. Conceived at 36, overweight, first attempt at ICSI and dh was also the one with the fertility issues. So it can happen!

However obviously if you're both as healthy as you can be it will be better. So losing weight will obviously help.

He doesn't have to go to the gym. Finding something he actually likes will be better as he is more likely to keep it up.

adamharriet · 05/02/2017 17:27

Nope. Good luck! Smile

MollyHuaCha · 05/02/2017 17:28

Go for it!

Mari50 · 05/02/2017 17:28

It's not too old to start a family but it might be too old to finish your family- depending on how many children you want

eurochick · 05/02/2017 17:29

It's not at all unusual these days but losing 5 stone will take a while do you probably want to crack on with that if you want to do this!

We started ttc when I was 34 but due to unexplained infertility nothing happened. We started ivf when I was 37 and did four rounds in a year, which was gruelling, because we felt like we were running out of time. The 4th round worked, a month before I turned 38. It does mean we will in all likelihood stick at one because we are out of time. Having a non sleeping newborn was knackering in my late 30s (probably would have been at any age tbh) so it's only know we are feeling like we are emerging from the fug of sleeplessness and could consider another (daughter is now 2.5). But I'm 41, my husband is 42, and neither of us is mad keen on more ivf. A natural miracle would be lovely but is incredibly unlikely.

Katedotness1963 · 05/02/2017 17:32

Had our first at 36 and our second at 38.

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