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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or is 36 too old to start a family?

123 replies

VivienneWestwoodsKnickers · 05/02/2017 17:07

I'm 36 in 4 weeks, DP will be 37 about the same time.

We need ICSI to have a chance at kids, and I need to drop a lot of weight before we are eligible. Think 5 stone.

My DP is worried that we're getting too old to think about starting a family. I'm beginning to doubt myself on this element of the many issues we're up against, as I didn't think it bothered me. Apparently it does a little.

So is 36 too old? How did you find it?

(Massive assumptions here that in the next 13 months I can get the weight off, actually conceive in the one attempt at ICSI on the NHS and carry to term etc. I may well be 37 by then).

OP posts:
DelphineCormier · 05/02/2017 17:56

I was closer to 50 than 40 when I had DD. 36 is absolutely not too old!

GinIsIn · 05/02/2017 17:58

DH & I are both 34. I'm about to have DC1 of what we hope will be 3 any day now!

Stopandlook · 05/02/2017 17:59

I had my first (of 3) at 35, so no not too old. Go for it and I wish you all the best.

keeplooking · 05/02/2017 18:05

I had my first (of 3 - 3rd when I was nearly 46) at the age of 35 y 8m. Never too late (Well, technically, one day, I suppose, but you know what I mean!) - go for it, and good luck. Smile

Mehfruittea · 05/02/2017 18:08

I was 28 when we started ttc. 31 when we started Clomid and 32 when we started IVF. During 1st cycle they said ICSI was necessary, it failed. 2nd attempt, different protocol, still ICSI and at 33 it succeeded.

Gave birth when I was 34 to our one and only. Don't give up hope. Do make decisions together and respect each other's feelings. Ask for fertility counselling, your NHS IVF clinic should be able to provide it. Best of luck.

TheLastUnicorn1 · 05/02/2017 18:10

I am 36 today and hopefully starting our first IVF in a few months after 3 years trying naturally, so I hope not.
Good luck with your journey!!

Dontjudgeme1 · 05/02/2017 18:14

Definately no too old. l had my first at the age of 38( turned 39 the next month) and had my second at 41. It is possible. Good luck with the weight loss and with the baby plans.

theDudesmummy · 05/02/2017 18:16

I had my one and only baby when I was nearly 46 (I did however already "have a family" then, in the form of stepchildren who lived with me).

soupmaker · 05/02/2017 18:19

Good luck OP. I had DC1 at 37 and DC2 the week before I was 43. It's not too old at all.

TickTickBoomBoom · 05/02/2017 18:19

l lost 7 stone, we managed to have sex once the week after I had the coil out (he was on nights), and I was pregnant with twins. I was 37 Grin.

There are pros and cons, but these days more and more women are having children later. 36 is definitely not too old though. According to the peadiatrician, fertility drops drastically after 37, so he advised me not to leave it much later.

lljkk · 05/02/2017 18:23

I know two women who started having children at age 39, and had 3 children (no twins). They don't seem to have any regrets.

QueenOfTheSardines · 05/02/2017 18:24

I was 36 when I had DC2 - this is normal age for children around here, I'm not an "older" mum at all.

Pettywoman · 05/02/2017 18:25

I had mine at 34 and 38. 36 not too old at all.

flumpybear · 05/02/2017 18:30

Not at all!! I was about 3 stone over weight with DD1 and fell pregnant st 35, born at 36. I did suddenly get fit and lost 8kg in about 6 weeks - I was SMOKIN' at the gym and really getting myself in shape!! Fell pregnant and she was perfect!!! Then did exactly the same with DS1 - was about 4 stone over weight then, gym bunny for a couple
Of months and fell pregnant without realising it - I was 39 - they're 8 and 4 now .... I'm 5 stone over weight but would, in a truce, FO to the gym and get a regime in place if I was really wanting a baby and just 'do it'! .... good luck, get that 'noting is
Gonna stop me' attitude and get your babies!! FlowersHalo

TreeTop7 · 05/02/2017 18:34

I know lots of women who had first /second babies in their forties. 36 is definitely not too old. Good luck with the fitness kick and the treatment.

PetalMettle · 05/02/2017 18:39

I had dc at 34. It took me 20 months to get pg due to unexplained infertility and I got pg just before we were due to start icsi (and 3 cycles after my hycosy). I lost 5 stone in 6 months on slimming world

PetalMettle · 05/02/2017 18:40

Oh should say my bmi was 31 when I started and I think just over 20 by the end of it.

Ohyesiam · 05/02/2017 18:44

I was 38 and 40 when I had mine, and it's been great.
Best of luck with it all x

HelenaGWells · 05/02/2017 18:47

I was 29 when I had DS and I'm still one of the youngest mums standing outside the school gates. I know a lot of mums who had kids in their 30's and a good few were early
40's.

iMatter · 05/02/2017 18:48

Dc1 at 36, dc2 at 37.

I don't think there is a time/age when it's easy.

Go for it...!

Marley45 · 05/02/2017 18:53

No way are you too old! I'm 36 this year and due my first baby any week now. My H has just turned 38. We needed fertility treatment to conceive.

Go for it! And good luck!

BadToTheBone · 05/02/2017 18:54

Definitely not. I had my dd at 38, she's 11 now and I can't imagine life without her, she makes everything better. I did already have a 3 yo at the time so she wasn't my first, but I don't see what difference that would make. I'm certainly not out of place amongst her friends mums, we're of similar ages.

Good for it, good luck with the weight loss.

Oysterbabe · 05/02/2017 19:21

I was 34 when I conceived DD and was the youngest in my NCT class. Now trying for #2 at age 36.
You really do need to crack on with the weightless though.

Fridgedooropen · 05/02/2017 19:48

Definitely not too old at 36 (I had mine at 35) but crack on with the new healthy lifestyle. You can also (both of you) get into the habit of taking vitamins etc while in the weight loss period so that you're then both primed and ready for ttc. Don't know how bad your DH's diagnosis was but the right supplements have been known to make a difference to sperm health too. Good luck.

Fortifiedwithvitaminsandiron · 05/02/2017 20:11

I remember your posts re. ICSI before Vivienne - you are definitely not too old and will be a lovely Mummy. Kick that 5-stone's arse xxx