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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Or is 36 too old to start a family?

123 replies

VivienneWestwoodsKnickers · 05/02/2017 17:07

I'm 36 in 4 weeks, DP will be 37 about the same time.

We need ICSI to have a chance at kids, and I need to drop a lot of weight before we are eligible. Think 5 stone.

My DP is worried that we're getting too old to think about starting a family. I'm beginning to doubt myself on this element of the many issues we're up against, as I didn't think it bothered me. Apparently it does a little.

So is 36 too old? How did you find it?

(Massive assumptions here that in the next 13 months I can get the weight off, actually conceive in the one attempt at ICSI on the NHS and carry to term etc. I may well be 37 by then).

OP posts:
hels71 · 05/02/2017 17:33

I was 36 when I had my daughter via ICSI. (Dh was 49)

BoomBoomsCousin · 05/02/2017 17:33

I had ivf at 39 and gave birth at 40. It's not too old, though I would have preferred to be younger - so crack on!

BagelDog · 05/02/2017 17:34

36 is the average age to have your first round here, Surrey, or in Kingston where I used to work

happypoobum · 05/02/2017 17:35

Definitely not too old. Best of luck!

RB68 · 05/02/2017 17:35

Alot depends on your general health - I was 39 when I delivered (38 when conceived) and very overweight but it was natural. All I can say s get serious about losing weight and getting fit and this will all help things as well as helping you cope when baby arrives. Seriously start this week and stop thinking about things.

GreedyDuck · 05/02/2017 17:35

Definitely not. I was 40 when I had my first and trying for a second now at 42. My mum was 39 when she had me, my sil was 42 when she had my nephew.

BiscuitMillionaire · 05/02/2017 17:38

It's not too old to be a parent, definitely not. However, a woman's fertility does decline after 35 so you'd be wise not to delay any longer.

Bluetrews25 · 05/02/2017 17:38

Wishing you every success.
The greater the effort, the greater the reward.
Hope everything goes well.

Lottie4 · 05/02/2017 17:39

I was 34 and and I have friends who were 34, 35 and 37 when they had theirs.

Insabbathstheatre · 05/02/2017 17:39

No you are not too old - perhaps try the blood sugar diet to help loose weight and maintain (with more calories after 8 weeks) for a healthy diet. I really wanted a baby and it motivated me to stop smoking - so good luck!

ITMama1 · 05/02/2017 17:39

Just had our DS end of last year following 5 years of fertility treatment (4 x ICSI), also suffered male fertility issues. I turned 37 2 weeks before he was born. I'd suggest getting the weight loss started as we took a year per try and only succeeded on our very last try. Wishing you both luck!

Mermaid36 · 05/02/2017 17:40

I was 35 when I got pregnant, 36 when I had the twins - definitely not too late!

stoopido · 05/02/2017 17:41

Not too old. I am thinking about having my 3rd child and I have just turned 38 my DH is soon to be 47.

LilacPeony · 05/02/2017 17:44

No. Jo Brand was 43 and 45 when she had her daughters and i bet she is a fab mum.

Foldedtshirt · 05/02/2017 17:44

A dear friend and her husband were adamant they would never have children; she was quite large and I also suspect it was his idea to not have them (2 facts unconnected)
After her 40 birthday party he changed his mind and she had a baby on her 41st Birthday.

foxyloxy78 · 05/02/2017 17:45

Not too old at all. I was 34 when had dc1. Mid to late thirties is the norm where I live.

Blueroses99 · 05/02/2017 17:46

No fertility clinic will think that you're too old. There are some NHS trusts that don't fund unless 36 or over (there's a chat on Infertility threads).

I've been TTC for 4 years and pregnant after third ICSI cycle, I will be 35 or 36 when baby arrives depending on whether she comes along before or after my birthday in July! DH is 39.

StumblyMonkey · 05/02/2017 17:47

I'm in the Home Counties/London area....it's a very normal age to have DC here.

JayzuzMaryJoseph · 05/02/2017 17:50

Nah. Go for it!

My closest friends were 35, 37, 40 and 41 when they had their first children.

Its not always as straightforward the older you get (two of my friends had fertility treatment)...but there is no reason why you shouldn't go for it!

35+ is the norm now where I am. I was 27 when I had my first and I was literally some sort of 'gym slip mum' Grin.

ConvincingLiar · 05/02/2017 17:51

Not too old, but get on with it now. Don't waste years dithering.

AntiHop · 05/02/2017 17:52

I'm 39 and I have a 2 year old. I intend to try for another in a couple of years. Can't afford to before then.

Juveniledelinquent · 05/02/2017 17:53

Not too old. The issue is do you really want to be parents?

lottiegarbanzo · 05/02/2017 17:53

Not too late at all. Had dd at 38, no probs (not starting from the same position as you but, it's where you could be by 38). Where I live it's the 20-something parents that seem the odd ones out. I didn't feel 'older' or any different from the very healthy, happy way I felt in my early 30s at that point.

I think the way to think about is that, if it's something you want, or even think you might want, it's far better to be moving in a direction that allows it to happen - you can always change your mind later - than not, then regretting it when it really is too late. Especially given that weight loss is a good thing in itself, for so many reasons. You've nothing to lose - except the obvious.

Sunnyshores · 05/02/2017 17:53

Admittedly with ICSI, age, weight obstacles it will be harder for you to conceive than most - but it certainly isnt impossible amd IF you really want a baby you will be much more motivated and able to cope with the process. Good Luck

Helbelle75 · 05/02/2017 17:54

Nope, not too old.
I'm 41, DH is 42, we're having our first in April. I lost a stone earlier last year with slimming world and conceived naturally.
Planning on another child after this one too. Just trying to keep fit and healthy.

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