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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Or is 36 too old to start a family?

123 replies

VivienneWestwoodsKnickers · 05/02/2017 17:07

I'm 36 in 4 weeks, DP will be 37 about the same time.

We need ICSI to have a chance at kids, and I need to drop a lot of weight before we are eligible. Think 5 stone.

My DP is worried that we're getting too old to think about starting a family. I'm beginning to doubt myself on this element of the many issues we're up against, as I didn't think it bothered me. Apparently it does a little.

So is 36 too old? How did you find it?

(Massive assumptions here that in the next 13 months I can get the weight off, actually conceive in the one attempt at ICSI on the NHS and carry to term etc. I may well be 37 by then).

OP posts:

Viewofhedges · 06/02/2017 12:56

There are some lovely positive stories on this thread OP but as someone who tried later (35 plus) and DIDN'T succeed, just beware that this is not a one-outcome situation. I would suggest you keep two possible new lives in your mind, so that either way you have a positive outcome. Ours has been new career for me, and making the most of our un-tied-down ness. Having children is a wonderful thing, but there are other ways to have a wonderful life, too.

notfromstepford · 06/02/2017 13:04

I had my first at 37 and my second at 41 so not too old. My Dsis is going for her 2nd IVF baby and she is 45 - had her 1st at 42.
So I don't think it's too old.
A friend of mine has also lost 4 stone in 6 months so she can have an op she's waiting for - it can be done.
Good luck with it all OP.

olympicsrock · 06/02/2017 13:10

If you really want children it is definely possible. I had my first at 33 and second at 37 so I am nearly 39 with an 18 month old. It is exhausting and I am in good health but over weight bmi 28. Parenting has been much tougher than we thought. I wish we had started earlier. You need to be absolutely sure that you won't miss weekends away, Sunday lie ins ,shopping for fun etc . My best friend is 38 without kids and I think if you've got to this age without babies then it's a huge change.

mandi73 · 06/02/2017 13:14

I had my DD2 at 35, DD3 at 40 and DS2 at 42.
If it's something you really want then go for it but start making changes now and Good Luck :)

PinkCrystal · 06/02/2017 13:41

Not too old. I would say it is the average age where I live.

LauraLovesDaisy · 06/02/2017 13:42

No it's not too old!

paddypants13 · 06/02/2017 13:44

Not too old at all! I wish you every success with your weight loss too.

Beebeeeight · 06/02/2017 18:45

If you want DCs you have to think long and hard about whether you're prepared to sacrifice having them for the sake of your dp.

Your chances of having a child from one round of icsi with no sperm mobility is very slim.

Your other possibility is as sperm donor.

If I was in your situation is end the relationship and find a new dp.

But having DCs is much more important to me than a dp.

some people would choose their relationship.

But there's no use making a decision based on a fantasy rather than statistical facts.

hazeyjane · 06/02/2017 18:52

if I was in your situation is end the relationship and find a new dp.

Really?! Blimey thats quite a statement!! I'm glad my dh didn't feel that way when we had struggles with conceiving.

Op - good luck with your journey, whatever happens. (we eventually had dd1 and 2 and ds at 37, 38 and 41)

Original poster

VivienneWestwoodsKnickers · 06/02/2017 19:14

There will be no leaving my partner over this. He is more important to have in my future than non-existent, potentially impossible children. And believe me, he's tried to convince me to leave him over this, and get pregnant with someone else. Not happening.

OP posts:

dingdongthewitchisdead1 · 06/02/2017 21:28

I'm 35 with 3 dc and want another.. but financially will have to wait till we are 38.. so as long as nature permits, you aren't too old! Go for it!

Rememberallball · 07/02/2017 22:46

I hope not - I'm 45, DH is 48 and has 2 children though I have none. We have been together almost 3 years and married for 16 months. We are off to Cyprus for ivf treatment in the late summer having been told we'll need donor egg treatment if we want a family of our own!!

Changednamesorry · 08/02/2017 08:22

34 average age for first baby in Spain. You would be 100% normal here.....people looked at me like I was crazy when pregnant at 25. Now 32 with2 kids and people are stuneed when they see the baby and I say he is my second.
Not too old.

lubeybooby · 08/02/2017 08:34

you're nowhere near too old but you should probably start getting on with it seeing as you can and still young enough but there are problems. I wouldn't be comfortable waiting much longer with known fertility issues.

StarkintheSouth · 08/02/2017 08:52

I was one month shy of 34 when I had DD - so no you are not too young!

qazxc · 08/02/2017 08:56

I starts ttc at 34 and had dd at 36. So no, you're not too old.

SuperSheepdog · 08/02/2017 09:13

Not too old. However I'm a bit surprised that you are critical of the doctor for not telling you you'd need to lose weight for ICSI. Even when ttc naturally a healthy body weight is worth pursuing for your sake and the baby, as well as potentially helping you to conceive.

I say this as someone who also had to loose weight ttc. Now I try to keep it off to be healthy for the dc.

Good luck!

Liskee · 08/02/2017 10:52

I don't have fertility issues which I am extremely grateful for, however I didn't have DS1 until I was 37, and had DS2 at 39 so I don't think you're too old to start a family. The weight loss though sounds important and urgent so crack on with that asap!

Raffles1981 · 08/02/2017 11:01

I am 36 and this is my first. I would never have had a child any younger - for me personally, I was not ready. My partner is 53 and has two kids, well, 23 &27 yrs old, from his first marriage. I am worried but every first time parent has worries. Age is just a number, yes it may be physically harder, for some, but I think being mentally ready should also be a big factor x

user838383 · 08/02/2017 16:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

flumposie · 08/02/2017 17:20

I had Icsi at the age of 38 ( nearly 39) and husband was 44. It was successful. Go for it.

GotToGetMyFingerOut · 08/02/2017 18:04

No absolutelt not. Get on the Cambridge diet or diet now and it will fall off in that time. You can totally do it!!

limon · 08/02/2017 18:07

No. I started my family at 43 and 3/4.

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