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Original poster

Vindictive SIL

199 replies

Bookworm13 · 05/02/2017 15:42

If anyone can offer any advice, I would really appreciate it!

My SIL has never liked me from the beginning and goes out of her way to be bitchy and nasty.
Unfortunately, we will be seeing her next week due to a family anniversary celebration and I am dreading it!
Both me and our two kids have Northern accents and despite having very soft accents, she continuously pretends she can't understand what we're saying or does impersonations of how we talk. (They live in London.)
When I've mentioned this to my DH, he just laughs it off and says it is her sense of humour!
She has even made comments in the past like "Your children need a haircut" or "Their jeans are getting a bit short in the leg!"

She is a raving snob and talks about football being "common" as she knows my elder son is football crazy. She'd rather go to "rugger!"

She also takes the mickey out of anybody who shops in places like Farm Foods or Lidl as she is forever banging on about shopping at Waitrose....
When she's not making nasty comments, at other times she will completely blank me!
If I could get out of going to this bloody thing, I would but I know she would manipulate the whole situation and my DH would cop it from the rest of the family.
I could understand it in a way if I had done something to upset her but I haven't!
Friends have advised me to blank her back and only answer her if she talks to me.
Any advice on how to handle this vile woman would be most appreciated!

OP posts:
AmberNectarine · 07/02/2017 01:00

Wow, she's a massive social climber,

On the basis of your OP, I was going to venture a guess that she wasn't a Londoner by birth, but a quick skim of the thread confirmed this!

Speaking as a born and bred Londoner, we tend to be very accepting and encouraging of diversity!

How parochial her outlook must be, if she genuinely thinks anyone gives a toss about where she buys her milk.

Take no notice, that sort of person will never be happy with their lot.

AmberNectarine · 07/02/2017 01:08

And completely agree that NO-ONE uses the word 'Rugger', and I very briefly dated an ex-public school boy who played for England! A heinous affectation, right up there with referring to a napkin as a serviette!

Aebj · 07/02/2017 01:35

Tell her gentleman play football. It's a well know fact😃

lotbyname · 07/02/2017 01:48

If she mentionsaid waitrose bring up the overheard in waitrose page!

Araminta99 · 07/02/2017 01:56

AnotherSadMum yes I was just thinking of the same thing! Interestingly, when it says that kind words heap fiery coals on their head, it was talking about the purification process of metal. The fiery coals get rid of the impurities, so it's saying that by being kind to people you can bring out the best in them.

WeatherwaxOrOgg · 07/02/2017 03:03

Some of these suggestions are great! And at first I loved the kindness one but on reading Cherry soup and Jenbob13's posts I actually do think this is absolutely the way to go.

I had a negative family member (actually a sweet person just deliberately pessimistic and opposite) and one day I snapped and just said things like, well I'd have been disappointed if you said anything else seeing as you'll never agree, or haha there goes X - prophet of doom again, and lol you dont even believe that, you were saying the opppsite a week ago, ... things like that and it didn't entirely stop but it almost did. Even now when it surfaces again it's easily silenced.

I'd say things like the two posters I mention suggest and also things like, ohhh X, you're soo upper class, I'm honoured to know you or ohh X, yes I can see how they would have thought you were royalty, you're just SO classy. Or Waitrose! Wow! We were so impressed you shop there we haven't stopped talking about it since!

I guarantee she'll feel like a complete idiot.

But I do think you should speak up for your poor children's sake and ignore any family offence. If they can accept her rudeness they can accept yours too and hopefully she'll stop once she's exposed like that.

The trick is not to respond like that occasionally but every single time to every dig she makes no matter how small.

Fwiw I'm a southerner and I absolutely love all northern accents! :)

WeatherwaxOrOgg · 07/02/2017 03:07

Oh also ... the other posters are totally correct about rugger and yes, Essex is her achillies heel. Poke it!!

Ladymadonna3kids · 07/02/2017 09:50

Please please will you tell us how you got on? We're cheering for you! X

LancelotLink · 07/02/2017 10:32

This is the funniest thread I've read in ages.

While I love Moomin's suggestions and want Moomin to be my Zen Master in the ancient art of passive aggression, I'd go with teaching the kids how to do a sarcastic impression of Auntie Mingebag (either a Ray Winstone cockney geezer or a Brian Sewell too-posh-to-function), and then every time she pretends not to understand them say encouragingly "sorry kids, you know people from Essex struggle to understand people who aren't from Essex, you'll need to repeat that in Auntie Mingebag's accent!"

elfies · 07/02/2017 11:54

A lovely neighbour always answered unwanted comments with 'Yes ,well' , and turned away with chin held high . I always admired her for avoiding confrontation .

TwoTicketsToTeesside · 07/02/2017 13:39

"Waitrose! Wow! We were so impressed you shop there we haven't stopped talking about it since!"

Haha, I love this! Please say this, really excitedly.

alltouchedout · 07/02/2017 13:42

Laugh at her. Really big, huge, attention grabbing laughs. Act as if she's making the funniest joke ever. Bring other people in "oh SIL, isn't she funny- say it again SIl, so Bob can hear how funny you are". React to everything she says as if she's a fucking comedian.

Or get pissed and tell her to fuck off. I probably would.

Cloudyapples · 07/02/2017 13:51

When she makes fun of the accent, why not teach your children to reply 'it's rude and not nice to make fun of people auntie xx.'

If you're defensive she might turn it around on you, but she can't do that with children surely?

Jaxhog · 07/02/2017 13:57

Whatever you do, do not be defensive. This is what she wants, as it makes her feel superior. Either go with the killing with kindness (my favourite) or make out that what she says is just too funny to reply to.

averythinline · 07/02/2017 14:06

If the thought of going there makes you think of taking Drugs to get through it just say NO... - don't go...

If its a really special event that is already booked or something you may want to chuck a sickie , DH can go on is own or take the kids if he has to (personally my children wouldn't be going anywhere where an adult can take the piss out of them in front of me )

Subsequently just refuse to go until either DH has spoken to her or you feel able to walk out as soon as she starts... as this is the message you are giving your children...it is ok for them to be bullied if its a 'sense of humour'

If you don't feel you can stand up for yourself (been there got the t-shirt) do it for your children- I have got much less tolerant of being treated like crap since becoming a parent...

CheshireGirl38 · 07/02/2017 17:16

I don't think I'd bother playing games, I'd probably just tell her to stop and that she's incredibly rude. So what if you get a bit of hassle from MIL? You're never going to be friends and its more likely to stop her than any attempt to be subtle which she's too thick-skinned to understand anyway

Deejoda · 07/02/2017 18:29

I would call her out on this behaviour. Politely and firmly, loud enough for everyone to notice. I just couldnt sustain the overly nice kindness. And definitely tell your DH you expect him to stand up for your children and decline to go to any more family events if she doesn't apologise for her childish bullying behaviour. Life is too short! Prioritise your well-being. Good luck!

Original poster
Bookworm13 · 08/02/2017 17:06

Thank you all - and I will let you know how it goes.... she sent a text to my DH this morning, thanking him for her birthday present and sent him a photo of it - nothing to do with me of course....! X

OP posts:
Benedikte2 · 08/02/2017 21:16

If she attempts to belittle your children say to her in a rather bored tone "Please don't do that SIL, we're trying to teach our children good manners and respect for other people"

Good luck

LaContessaDiPlump · 08/02/2017 21:23

Get your DH to text back saying that it was nothing to do with him and that you're the only one who ever remembers birthdays and buys cards/gifts (assuming it's true). She'll hate that!

SittingWithMyFeetUP12 · 08/02/2017 21:56

You could just agree with everything nasty she says...that wil take the wind out of her sails....and then smile nicely...:-)

SittingWithMyFeetUP12 · 08/02/2017 21:58

...although I wouldnt stand for her being rude to your children....I'm still smarting from a woman in Cornwall, laughing that even our children had "the accent" .....(witch)...and I had to smile and agree....

BananaInPyjama · 08/02/2017 23:24

when she takes the mickey out of your accent, I would be inclined to try a really over the top, mouth full of marbles ' What-ho' type accent.

RAAAALLLY (pronounce Raleigh) darlinnng? It must be frightfully tedious if you RAAALLLY cannot understand any accents which are not RP'

HaveAWeeNap · 16/02/2017 06:38

How did it go, OP?

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