Vindictive SIL

[Bookworm13]

If anyone can offer any advice, I would really appreciate it!

My SIL has never liked me from the beginning and goes out of her way to be bitchy and nasty.
Unfortunately, we will be seeing her next week due to a family anniversary celebration and I am dreading it!
Both me and our two kids have Northern accents and despite having very soft accents, she continuously pretends she can't understand what we're saying or does impersonations of how we talk. (They live in London.)
When I've mentioned this to my DH, he just laughs it off and says it is her sense of humour!
She has even made comments in the past like "Your children need a haircut" or "Their jeans are getting a bit short in the leg!"

She is a raving snob and talks about football being "common" as she knows my elder son is football crazy. She'd rather go to "rugger!"

She also takes the mickey out of anybody who shops in places like Farm Foods or Lidl as she is forever banging on about shopping at Waitrose....
When she's not making nasty comments, at other times she will completely blank me!
If I could get out of going to this bloody thing, I would but I know she would manipulate the whole situation and my DH would cop it from the rest of the family.
I could understand it in a way if I had done something to upset her but I haven't!
Friends have advised me to blank her back and only answer her if she talks to me.
Any advice on how to handle this vile woman would be most appreciated!

Oh, and good luck! I know just how upsetting this stuff can be, particularly if you are a nice, good person like you!

when she starts in about the accents repeat everything back to her really slowly as though you're teaching a toddler to speak. If you can sound a couple of words out as well it would be a nice touch..
Otherwise I'd be giving her a polite but cold shoulder. I don't have time for arseholes though and can't really hide my disdain for people like her!

How old are your children. You might be able to enlist them.
For example, if she derides your accent you could turn to them and say, "You people down here do talk differently from us, but it's rude to comment about it."

And buy her a copy of Debrett's or whatever the hell it's called. That book about etiquette as she seems to have no idea.

Oh dear, please insert "see" between you and people.

Just seen your update about her Essex heritage. What do you mean she has no Essex trace to her voice? Oh yes she does - and you simply must mention it regularly. It doesn't matter what she says or how she says it - you absolutely must squeal "oh my goodness - I can so hear your Essex accent when you say that!!"

She sounds vile, one of my SILs has a problem with me so I understand. I'd be inclined to have an innocent and bemused response when she does an impression of you "is that supposed to be our accent?" Bewildered face " oh maybe don't let my kids hear you mocking them, just don't want them to get upset or afraid to open their mouths out of our county" smiley face.

I think we have the same SIL!! Mine is utterly vile - no children and always having digs at me and once she's had a few drinks her nasty remarks get more overt. She and her DH just talk to each other mostly when we meet at PILs (only place we meet) which is fine but it puts me on edge just being in her company. I know my MIL is a bit scared of her and tiptoes around her. As someone else said she is probably unfulfilled otherwise she wouldn't keep trying to score points. Mostly I ignore her as far as possible.

The obvious solution is just to laugh (not raucously, but more in a bemused way) at everything that comes out of her mouth.

If she thinks she's not being taken seriously - laughed at - it will drive her crazy.

My SIL has been hateful to me like this for 20 years.

I pretend she isn't. I value my relationship with DB very highly and won't do anything to make him feel conflicted.

I feel really proud that I've managed to be kind, interested and welcoming to her all this time despite her behaving so badly.

Take the high ground OP. Don't let her rattle you.

Oh the massive potential for piss-taking. Admire her jewellery - "love the necklace, it's just so......Essex" (no offence to Essex dwellers, just referencing the tv stereotype). Tell her we only have electricity three days a week, it's a northern thing. Complain about wearing heels to the family event and say you're only really comfortable in clogs. And so on....

If you do get a bit tipsy and being PA isn't as satisfying as being bitchy you could always act out each sentence as your saying it, like you're playing charades.

Rope the kids and DH in to help and even use props! Make it a real theatrical performance! You could mime a hilarious (bitchy) impression of Aunty Cubtysnob too.

Who said family get togethers had to be boring eh?!

*youre

**Aunty Cuntysnob

The shame

I couldn't be arsed with passive aggressive responses, and I couldn't live with myself if I 'rose above it' and was pleasant to her - fuck that! I think I'd just literally have to blank her. She makes a dig, don't respond, turn away and talk to someone else, or do something else. If I did feel a response was warranted, a simple "Not interested," would suffice for me.

I've had a really unpleasant SIL for 12 years now. She has n't got any better but I'm less bothered.

First you have to get it straight in your head that there is nothing you can do or say that will change the situation to 'better' or 'normal'.

It may take a few years for your DH to get a grip and agree with you. you're never going to see a certificate but you are still probably right that she is a bitch.

As for all the lines and comebacks, I'm not quick witted enough and I brood on it and it makes me upset. I stay out the way, keep the kids out the way and minimise contact.

We've just had our annual passive/aggressive thank you letter - it's better than one of those round robins. She's very bitter about everything and mean and competitive. Sadly I don't like the cousins mixing and feel absolutely no bond towards her children.

Protect yourself, stay out of her orbit.

I went on a parenting course where the teacher suggested a great way to deal with bullies and I think it might help you. She said get your children to practise making an exaggerated puzzled 'you are an idiot' superior expression on their face. So if anyone is mean to them - they look them in the eye - make their you are an idiot face - and walk off. It's less challenging then using words, and makes the other person feel like an idiot and less likely to say something mean in the future. It's better for your confidence as if you choose to ignore someone they see you as meek and are more likely to have another go at being nasty.

She sounds awful. Ignore her when she starts.

I think the, head on the side, sweet smile & "do fuck off" should do it.
take up genealogy, you will likely discover her roots are somewhere N of Greenwich

Be proud of your northern accent, and let her know that you're proud!

There is nothing more parochial than mocking someone's accent. I mean, she lives in London for christsakes!

I'm not from the UK so have an accent. There is a certain type of person who mocks accents, and when they do I write them off instantly as I realise they have the wit and depth of Bernard Manning.

I would say something with a smile like "yes I find it hard to understand you, too, as you tend to mumble, don't you? Shall we just agree to each make an effort?"

Even if she doesn't mumble it'll drive her mad that you think she does.

you're never going to see a certificate but you are still probably right that she is a bitch.

I am keeping this

She sounds very full on and full of herself. Agree that you could have lots of fun there, and why not.
I was about to suggest some things pp have mentioned already.

Your DH laughs it off?
When words are hurtful, it's not someone's 'sense of humour'

being really nice to her is the way to go.

it will piss her off even more