To tell dsd she has to move out?

[Gem90]

She is 19, refuses to apply for jobs, doesn't want to go to college and is just generally rude and spiteful to me, dh and my younger ds with dh.
Today was the last straw, she came home drunk this morning at 3am, banging about the kitchen making food, waking us all. This morning I told her she has a month to find somewhere else to stay. She started shouting then crying saying she would change, she would start paying rent out of her jobseekers bla bla bla, but I'm done. I told dh she has a month to go or I will and he agrees she needs to live in the real world and realise how good she has had it all these years.

I hope the Stepdaughters father has seen through the obvious dislike of his daughter and decided to work with his daughter by himself. Feel sorry for the pair of them really.

No obvious dislike I can see at all. Just a need for caring and respect- for all concerned
Yes the DH, or stepdaughter's father, as Henrietta puts it from dsd's point of view, does need to work with his daughter. He needs to work with her to ensure she shows caring and respect for both herself- by getting voluntary work and eventually paid work, and everyone else around her-by speaking kindly and helping stepmum and her dad with the daily work in their shared home.

I can't see dislike either, even though dsd doesn't seem very likeable.
While a parent has an obligation to always love their dc and not allow people to abuse them, they also have an obligation to ensure their kids are polite and considerate. In getting married, he formed an obligation to support his wife. Does she have no right to respect in her own home?

HenriettaH Tue 07-Feb-17 02:43:58

I hope the Stepdaughters father has seen through the obvious dislike of his daughter and decided to work with his daughter by himself. Feel sorry for the pair of them really.

Oh do give it a rest!

Stop projecting your own step mums rejection of you onto this thread!
The dsd has been there 4 years. 2 of them she has been lazy, verbally abusive and selfish. Its not rocket science to think that enough is enough and its time she shaped up.
You are STILL ignoring the fact that both Op's husband and dsd's mum are saying the SAME THING to her but its just OP who is being unreasonable.

Could you please tell us why its ok for her OWN PARENTS to say this but not OP?

My first ever deletion!!!! Woo hoo!

I hold my hand up, I called someone "unpleasant". I've seen much much worse go by without being deleted mind you.

So Gem any news on your dear step daughter and what is happening. I really hope she finds the right way forward and if she does make some positive moves, please do extend the deadline on her moving out.

Pushing her into her boy friend's home is not a realistic or pleasant option.

I do hope you and her dad can work things out.

Please encourage your husband's compassionate side. His daughter will always be his daughter.