To tell dsd she has to move out?

[Gem90]

She is 19, refuses to apply for jobs, doesn't want to go to college and is just generally rude and spiteful to me, dh and my younger ds with dh.
Today was the last straw, she came home drunk this morning at 3am, banging about the kitchen making food, waking us all. This morning I told her she has a month to find somewhere else to stay. She started shouting then crying saying she would change, she would start paying rent out of her jobseekers bla bla bla, but I'm done. I told dh she has a month to go or I will and he agrees she needs to live in the real world and realise how good she has had it all these years.

Her child is 22 months old.

She is working NOW and presumably was working before having the child if she has her own home. Why is that so hard to understand? Is there a law against 26yr old having their own home or something? I know people who went into work straight from school and had moved into their own homes within a year, and are now mortgage free with a second holiday home! Its not rocket science.

What her situation is is frankly nothing to do with you, the thread is about the abuse she has suffered at the hands of her dsd.

Try sticking to the FACTS and stop making things up that arent of any relevance to the thread.

Burning well she's been told over and over that it's none of her business. That she has no rights to make demands or help out. Or have an opinion. What was it? Oh yeah..step out and let the parents parent.
You can't have it both ways.

Ok lets suppose the op doesnt 'own' the house but its rented.
It could still be in her name only, even if it isnt the fact remains that the dsd chose to go there and has for 4 years, it obviously wasnt that bad as she could have went back to her mothers.

And yes Henrietta you STILL havent said that her own mother is an evil 'birth mother' for having the same rules as OP. Pot and kettle?

Henrietta, if you think the OP is a liar, you should report.

Sorry but commenting on fake scenarios is pointless and arguing about them is delusional.

But that's what you've been doing for several pages now. So what does that make you?

Burning
Her own dad and her own mother have said the same to her its not just the OPs opinion. There is supporting a child and being taken for a mug. No way would I let one of my sons treat me like this, they would pull their weight or get out. I know people who have said it was the making of them when they were told to find their own place. They suddenly appreciated everything that had been done for them and how much their parents had sacrificed for them and were ashamed of the abuse they had given them before they left.

Her own mother would have her back but under the same rules so what does that say about their experience of dsd's behaviour?

It doesnt matter if she is dsd or dd, respect for the people who are supporting you isnt much to ask.

Pulling your weight in a house when you are an adult isnt much to ask.
Not coming in pissed at 3am and waking up the whole house, isnt much to ask.
Not spending all day watching tv, smoking and not lifting a hand to help and expecting to have everyone wait on you hand and foot isnt much to ask.
Being helped to find jobs, being helped to secure interviews, being asked to contribute a little, being treated like an adult and having it all thrown back in your face is not the way to go in this world.

She isnt a toddler, she knows right from wrong at 19.

Henrietta, the reason I mentioned reporting the OP, was because MNHQ prefers people to do so rather than call them liars online. I hadn't reported her myself because I wasn't the casting doubt on her.

Nothing wrong with what echt said.

So you feel all righteous and self justified because this is now a "made up" scenario,after writing pages of "made up" scenarios yourself?

Wondering why you chose this as your first ever post Henrietta funny that.

You know what, it doesnt matter if the house is hers or not.
It doesnt matter if she has 2 sons or 20 daughters.
The thread was about a specific scenario.

The others posts were in response to that scenario.

Yours on the other hand Henrietta were in response to YOUR OWN ecperiences with a step mum and continued in a 'step mum bashing' theme throughout. Making it up as you went along. So you are in no position to laugh at anyone who responded to the thread in good faith.

I would rather respond in good faith than slag of someone just for the sake of it, just to release my inner 'step mum hate'. You slagged off the OP for your OWN AGENDA, not because you really believe all you wrote, you just wanted it to be your 'version'. Thats really sad, you seem to be carrying this hate of step mums and its clouding your judgement of any scenario including a step parent.

I know all step mums arent evil, I am mature enough to realise that. Even if I didnt know from my own ex's partner, and many friends who are 'step mums' that they do not treat step kids differently, that the most are caring, mums who just want whats best for all the kids in their family.

Is this still wittering on.

I'm confused...... what the heck happened... I only went for a mug of tea ??

Chelazia you said this: "It's hard isn't it, I know deep down I'd never let anyone throw my child out I'd keep going at it, trying to make it better."

The trouble is, it very often DOESN'T make it better. This is what my MIL did for my BIL. He's now 41, he's living in a house that she bought for him, he works for the dole despite being a trained electrician, he's been in jail for breaking a good behaviour bond not to be drunk in public, he's lost his driver's licence 7 times through drink driving (it's only a miracle he's never killed anyone) - and I can't help but think a bit of "tough love" when he STARTED being a feckless bludging wanker would have helped him a whole lot more than just giving in to him, helping him out with money all the time, having him to stay until the neighbours called the police on him because of his drunken abusive behaviour in the streets, and he had the Aussie equivalent of an ASBO served on him.

Of course some will turn it round, and realise they're being feckless wasters - but most will just say "thank you very much" and continue to take the handouts and the easy way out.

I really hope you don't face this choice at any time, because I don't think you'll be happy with the outcome if you do what you think you're going to.

"A lot has been made of the OP owning the house. In another thread, she rents."

So that means it's her name on the rental agreement then. She didn't say she owned the house, just that it was her house. Her name on the rental agreement = her house.

First page, Thumbwitch

"Sun 05-Feb-17 00:46:43
Sally I own the house so I won't be going anywhere."

I agree, it doesn't matter if she owns or rents but so many replies overemphasise this issue, discussing it as per property, marital asset, etc.

It's a non issue but too many replies appear to focus on it.

Thumb I think you are right in some respects. I'm constantly told I'm soft and I don't think I'd have a cut off. Maybe I am type that will make a rod for their own back! Its an interesting thought!** A new partner would have gone Long before him and my child were at odds like this I'm afraid. I hope we don't have this problem but I suppose I'm thinking of my dd who I've brought up from birth when I comment. It's hugely different than a dsd quite similar in age who maybe haven't had opportunity to form this level of bond.

We think you are utterly reasonable. Same rules at our house too. In work or full time education. Any one at uni has to work during the holidays too.

Ah thanks Trollpoops - I'd misremembered that. :)

Chelazia - just something to keep in mind as you go, maybe? I have a friend here who has 9 children now (last 2 adopted) and she's soft as butter with all of them - she's a lovely person but they all just ride roughshod over her and do nothing to help her out. She does everything for them, seems incapable of saying "no" to any of their demands, however outrageous!
Anyway - I'd also boot a new partner if there was conflict between them and my DSs - no question there!