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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell dsd she has to move out?

457 replies

Gem90 · 04/02/2017 23:49

She is 19, refuses to apply for jobs, doesn't want to go to college and is just generally rude and spiteful to me, dh and my younger ds with dh.
Today was the last straw, she came home drunk this morning at 3am, banging about the kitchen making food, waking us all. This morning I told her she has a month to find somewhere else to stay. She started shouting then crying saying she would change, she would start paying rent out of her jobseekers bla bla bla, but I'm done. I told dh she has a month to go or I will and he agrees she needs to live in the real world and realise how good she has had it all these years.

OP posts:
Badcat666 · 05/02/2017 17:26

henrietta for you Biscuit stop trying to lay your own "wicked stepmother" story onto the OP's. You are not Walt Disney.

ImYourMama · 05/02/2017 17:27

Bloody good on you OP! I've worked full time since I left college at 18, glad you've challenged her vile, layabout attitude

Bambamrubblesmum · 05/02/2017 17:28

HenriettaH it's much easier for your narrative to paint the SM as some evil harridin than actually wonder if perhaps your dad was somehow not the innocent victim you portray him as. But that's another thread.

OP if you're still reading, stick to your guns it could be the making of her I'm the long run.

Perhaps you, your DH and her mum could have a chat so you're all in the same page.

HenriettaH · 05/02/2017 17:29

OP has not been PUT INTO any situation. She CHOSE to marry an older man with a teenage daughter. The daughter CHOSE to live with her father. Unfortunately for the daughter the father is living with a woman closer to the daughters age than his own. Had OP not been the same age as her stepdaughter is now when she made that choice, she may well have made a different one. Thats because teenagers often dont make the best decisions. Grin

Willow2016 · 05/02/2017 17:31

HenriettaH
Why dont you start your own step mum bashing thread and leave off the OP.

Seriously you are embarassing yourself by making things up as you go along to fit in with your own experiences of the steryotypical 'wicked step mum'.

Dsds own mother has the same rules and expectations as OP and her oh does that make her an 'evil birth mother'?

OP sounds pretty mature and has put up with a lot of crap. But then she is 26 not bloody 16! She isnt some siren pitting her dsd against her father or she would have done it before now! She has had 4 years of dsd living there she has had plenty opportunity to do it before now.

Why is everyone fixated on her age, she works, has a child and owns her own home. Her age has nothing to do with it, her house her rules if you dont like it sod off.

HenriettaH · 05/02/2017 17:32

Badcat666 Thank you for that extremely clever and enlightening post. I'm sure Walt Disney will be very grateful for it. Grin

Iflyaway · 05/02/2017 17:32

Aren't most teens lazy and rude? Do they all have mental health problems? Fucks sake

Yea. FFS. Ever been in another continent. Asia? Africa? Teens there don't get the "privilege" to be rude and lazy.

FFS.

I hate this attitude of "You owe me a living"..... FFS!

I think OP has done more than her share of enabling this girl child of swanning around thinking she owns the world and everyone should bow to her wishes.
She is going to have a rude awakening.

Anyway, does her boyfriend's parents even want her living there? I certainly wouldn't, apart from a couple of weeks to get her on her feet. But of course she would have to contribute to the household bills!! Smile

echt · 05/02/2017 17:35

Henrietta, have you seen how often you've written "likely" and "guess". What fervid imagination you have. Deal with the facts as presented by the OP because they're all you've got. Your responses are to imagined scenarios so not entirely useful.

HenriettaH · 05/02/2017 17:36

I'm guess OP owns 'her' home along with her husband. I highly doubt it is solely her home. Has she herself even worked since meeting her older husband? She has a young child so presumable her working years since leaving school at ? 18 have been very few and far between. Ironic that she is so insistent that stepdaughter get a job. I wonder how long OP had a job before meeting DH and quickly becoming a stay at home mum.

Willow2016 · 05/02/2017 17:37

Henrietta
That last post was bloody offensive. Stop twisting things to suit your step-mum bashing agenda, you really have issues there...

Who are you to say that Op shouldn have got together with her oh?

The girl CHOSE to go and stay IN THE OP'S HOUSE WITH HER AND HER DAD. Nobody forced her to. Nobody forced her to stay 4 years which kind of shows that she was quite happy to live there as she could have gone back to her mum any time. And she certainly is happy now having no responsibility and doing exactly as she pleases, time to grow up.

Badcat666 · 05/02/2017 17:39

Henrietta - get some therapy, it will do wonders for your hatred towards women who marry divorced men.

HenriettaH · 05/02/2017 17:40

There are no facts from OP....only her opinion. So far her DH hasnt weighed in on things, nor her stepdaughter for that matter. Everyone here is basing opinions on a paragraph from OP that is simply an opinion in and of itself. Yes I will say 'I guess' and 'likely' Thats because I dont know OP just like none of you do. There are no facts in OP that can be proven and no opinion on here that can really be helpful in light of the fact that there are no facts. So if you dont like my opinion or how its worded, ignore it. A public thread is a place for all opinions....even mine .

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 05/02/2017 17:40

I can see your point. I'd never say yabu. Its not me or anyone else living your situation. However you've got to be realist. How is she going to find a house rent within 1 month. Where she getting deposit money from. Also only a handful of places take DSS. I think the council do, but even families, single mums have to wait months or Years, so your DSD is not going to go top of list. Plus have they not stopped HB for under 25s except in extreme cases.
And please don't come out with that old I'm alright Jack closed minded. Its not my problem, chestnut, Perhaps its not, but. She's your dhs problem. I doubt hes going to throw his daughter in the streets.

HenriettaH · 05/02/2017 17:41

Badcat666
I married a divorced man ...case and point.

ilovesooty · 05/02/2017 17:41

Where did anyone say the OP was "selfless/saintly/virtuous"?

This looks like not only rewriting the narrative to fit in with your own script but rewriting other people's comments as well. oples

Trollspoopglitter · 05/02/2017 17:44

A lot has been made of the OP owning the house. In another thread, she rents.

A lot of comments on how the OP has endured 2 years of abuse. In this instance, I think people should advance search and clue up on OP's other posts before giving such opinionated and skewed advice on so very little info.

HenriettaH · 05/02/2017 17:44

Willow2016

I think its kind of interesting that the stepdaughter was on safe ground until she turned 18. I think OP knew she couldn't do anything until then as the stepdaughter was not considered an adult. Now that she is, she is trying to force her out. She considers her husbands obligation to his daughter is done. She is wrong. Stepdaughter will always be a priority to her husband and she will need to deal with that.

FrancisCrawford · 05/02/2017 17:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheDevilMadeMeDoIt · 05/02/2017 17:49

Henrietta -

I'm guess OP owns 'her' home along with her husband. I highly doubt it is solely her home.

So you 'guess' and 'highly doubt'. Rather than reading where the OP explains that SHE owns the house in her sole name.

RebelRogue · 05/02/2017 17:50

Henrietta you still haven't replied what you think about the mum having exactly the same opinions and demands as OP,and making her house available on the same conditions only.

BurningBridges · 05/02/2017 17:51

Do you know that as a society we are supposed to support and help young people? Who often make mistakes and exhibit lack of judgement as they are young? So if we all took this "she's a drain on society" attitude there would be even more kids on the streets. The girls real parents need to come up with a plan. The OP hasn't done herself any favours by her shitty attitude on here - I worked for a big youth homeless charity for years and the story is still the same - family breakdown, re-marriage etc., ordinary stuff like this ends up with them sofa surfing and on the streets.

OP just showing how immature she is by taking this attitude, most of us have to get on and sort out our teenagers, they are our responsibility and by that I mean all of us.

HenriettaH · 05/02/2017 17:53

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

RebelRogue · 05/02/2017 17:54

I think its kind of interesting that the stepdaughter was on safe ground until she turned 18.

Actually the "safe ground" finished at 17 when DSD finished education. Which she chose not to pursue.It was an option. It still is.

echt · 05/02/2017 17:54

Henrietta, have you noticed that on forums like these, we only get the OP's views and the discussion only goes forward if they're taken in good faith?

Your own avowed experiences, if in fact they are real, as we only have your views, seem to have clouded any rational powers and you consistently misrepresent what the OP says. Pointlessly, too. It doesn't help the discussion at all.

See what happens when a fact stated by a poster is doubted?

HenriettaH · 05/02/2017 17:54

OP obviously claims her rental to be HER HOUSE. According to her other posts that is.... which also may be fake and non factual.... what a joke this is.