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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dp kicked out cat

298 replies

Anothernamechange5 · 04/02/2017 20:51

Name changed. Massively identifying.

So, I had a cat before we got together. Now 7 years later, living together with a dc.

Cat is quite annoying in a cat way (around your legs for food etc) which is a bit of a pain but manageable. But, he's started being sick a lot after food which dp is sick of cleaning up (whoever spots it cleans it so I clean it up too) and of course not great for dc - although I use disinfectant etc.

Basically I'm sad about it. The cat flap has been taken away & the cat only comes indoors for food. He has the shed for shelter/warmth. I don't want to put up a fight because then I'll feel anxious if/when the cats sick and feel responsible for his anger. I am taking him to the vet so hopefully it'll stop the sickness but think dp is done now.

I just feel sad. AIBU?

OP posts:
BlondeBecky1983 · 05/02/2017 00:14

Dp sounds like a controlling prick. Get rid!

RustyPaperclip · 05/02/2017 00:25

Borrowed yes, couples don't have to agree on everything but the OP is clearly posting because the issue is not resolved. I don't believe that this is a 'man' issue but one partner controlling another partner and a cat suffering in the process (sorry to paraphrase OP)

BorrowedHeart · 05/02/2017 00:33

She said they have talked and he apologised, and it's just basically disgusting that he has to clean it sometimes, which is fair enough it isn't his cat. I'm just annoyed at those saying to leave him.. so we make his child miserable for the sake of a cat that he just isn't interested in Hmm the mind boggles.

ilovesooty · 05/02/2017 00:40

Yes that's what she said. In the context of the other information given my opinion is different to yours.

SecretWitch · 05/02/2017 00:45

Your dp is an asshat. You know both you, your child and your cat deserve someone better than a stupid man who tantrums and decides it's up to him to turn an innocent animal outdoors.

HistoriaTrixie · 05/02/2017 00:52

he needs to be able to put the cat out if he has to

Uh, what are his criteria for HAVING TO put the cat out? Messing up the rug? Barf comes out of rugs. It wipes up off the floor, etc. Can he articulate to you what would cause him to HAVE to put the cat out, other than his own personal inconvenience and thoughtlessness toward a sick animal?

ilovesooty · 05/02/2017 01:01

If it's resolved how has he explained removing the cat flap and saying the cat can only come in to eat?

KathArtic · 05/02/2017 01:08

Agree Borrowed, There is a lot of over reaction on this thread.

Babykoala1 · 05/02/2017 01:14

The cat sounds like he's being treated like a stray. He shouldn't be punished for being ill, or exhibiting normal cat behaviours. Pets are a commitment and if you aren't going to follow through with that you shouldn't have gotten one in the first place! Poor kitty. You need to stand up to your partner, even if it causes arguments.

CaraAspen · 05/02/2017 01:17

Cleaning up after a sick animal is not gross. It is normal, decent behaviour. That man sounds deeply unpleasant.

reuset · 05/02/2017 01:19

Some people really over react on here, you don't have any say in what the op does. To compare a cat to her partner and hers child is ridiculous, her partner isn't fussed on the cat, that doesn't mean he hates his kid. Some of you men haters need to grow the fuck up and realise couples don't have to agree on everything and have arguments, it's resolving them that keeps people together and strong. The op and her partner have already resolved things by the sounds of it so stfu.

Men haters, eh? Hmm
All easily resolved, too, yes.

You and Kath also agree on splitting overreact and overreaction (they're on word). I'm not accusing of using a sock puppet, just found mildly amusing. Grin Off to bed I think as that's scraping the barrel of humour.

reuset · 05/02/2017 01:20

One word not 'on' word

lizzieoak · 05/02/2017 01:24

Sorry? A sick house pet has been turfed outside? The mind boggles. I'm not a dog person (dodging missiles) but in my wildest dreams would not put a dog g outside except for meals, esp a sick one. It's winter!

Sorry, but you have to get a grip. Could the poor wee cat be rehomed to someone who will take care of him properly (& it's part of their charm winding around your legs & shouting the odds about food).

maisiejones · 05/02/2017 01:40

What a lousy fucker your DP is. I'd put him out quite frankly and see how he likes having to find shelter in a cold shed. Honestly OP - how can you let him do this to a sick animal? Stand up for the poor cat. Get it back in and take it to your vet asap. I wouldn't stand for anyone being cruel to my cat.

Klaphat · 05/02/2017 03:14

You and Kath also agree on splitting overreact and overreaction (they're on word).

Curious indeed!

Emberroo · 05/02/2017 03:15

This is animal cruelty. By leaving the cat outside you're as bad as him. You ought to be ashamed of yourself.

salsmum · 05/02/2017 03:49

Omg yes they can be needy,messy and very demanding....cats on the other hand Winkseriously though you can purchase bowls to stop dogs and cats rushing their food resulting in vomiting or maybe the poor cats so nervous around your dp that it's reacting by throwing up....the way dp is treating the cat is cruel and neglectful so maybe ask your vet for the number of a cat rescue.

SingingInTheRainstorm · 05/02/2017 03:54

My sleepy eyes read it as cat kicked out DP.

Not being funny but if he's like this with your cat, is he building an extension to house DC in when he gets fed up of them? 'I don't care if you have norovirus off to the extension!'

Araminta99 · 05/02/2017 03:54

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Twogoats · 05/02/2017 04:05

Can we get a photo of the cat OP? I love cat pics!

saladsmoothie · 05/02/2017 04:20

We have a slightly similar situation in that we have pain in the arse animals that dh neither asked for nor enjoys particularly. When he has got huffy about them I've acknowledged his point of view, but been asolutely clear that now we have them there is simply no alternative but to love them and care for them, and he can like it or lump it.

Original poster
Anothernamechange5 · 05/02/2017 07:14

To answer a few questions;

Name changed because this post is identifying, don't want it linked to others.

The cat eats whiskas food, wet and dry - will speak to vet about getting specialist food if no illness issue making him sick.

Cat flap went yesterday afternoon so anxiety from that not making him sick. We have a door where you can change panels.

Cat was out for a few hours after it going, he's been in all night on the sofa

I've already bought a timer feeding bowl, it'll arrive Monday. Thank you to whoever suggested that.

I can hardly see how LTB is a reasoned response to this. Maybe I've made him come across badly in my posts but honestly, as he hasn't been a pet owner I just don't think he understood. After I went down & spoke to him after posting he understood my feelings & listened. Hardly something to make my kid grow up without a dad for.

I think issue is resolved (bar sickness which is being investigated) and I appreciate your support in getting me to speak up for myself. I was just a bit blindsided by the comment & took me a few hours to think about it.

OP posts:
calli335 · 05/02/2017 07:17

Op have you tried changing his cat food for a different brand? Might help.
Your dp is a toss pot. Don't let him do this

allchattedout · 05/02/2017 08:00

Cat flap went yesterday afternoon so anxiety from that not making him sick. We have a door where you can change panels

Sorry, but I do not believe this. You are backtracking and trying to minimise. Your OP made it very clear that this has been going on for some time, including your cat's illness. If this had all happened yesterday, you would have said so in the post. You said 'cat only comes in for food' at 17.20. But now you're saying that the flap had only been gone a few hours at most before that. Rubbish. People have called you up on the fact that you have an unhealthy relationship and that you are not a responsible cat owner because you do not put your pet first. Now you are trying to gloss over this by pretending that the facts are different.

Also, identifying to whom? If this really happened yesterday, who the hell else would know about it? The only person I can think of is your DP. Is he a mumsnetter?

Trifleorbust · 05/02/2017 08:02

I think the OP means she doesn't want people doing a name search and connecting this issue with the cat to the other issues she has with her partner. And I think I know why.