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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dp kicked out cat

298 replies

Anothernamechange5 · 04/02/2017 20:51

Name changed. Massively identifying.

So, I had a cat before we got together. Now 7 years later, living together with a dc.

Cat is quite annoying in a cat way (around your legs for food etc) which is a bit of a pain but manageable. But, he's started being sick a lot after food which dp is sick of cleaning up (whoever spots it cleans it so I clean it up too) and of course not great for dc - although I use disinfectant etc.

Basically I'm sad about it. The cat flap has been taken away & the cat only comes indoors for food. He has the shed for shelter/warmth. I don't want to put up a fight because then I'll feel anxious if/when the cats sick and feel responsible for his anger. I am taking him to the vet so hopefully it'll stop the sickness but think dp is done now.

I just feel sad. AIBU?

OP posts:
PigletJohn · 04/02/2017 22:02

feel responsible for his anger

this is not right.

YouHadMeAtCake · 04/02/2017 22:05

Luckless is right.

Kick the twat out and get your poor cat to the vet!

My DH is excellent with our pets and if he wasn't, he wouldn't be my DH. I couldn't be near someone like him. Ugh.

If you do nothing about this and let it continue, you are as bad as he is!

Gabilan · 04/02/2017 22:06

I think we're both guilty of being frustrated with the sickness, he's just done something about it, albeit the wrong thing. What I'm Doing (amending feeds/working/vets) doesn't have an immediate affect unfortunately

Your partner really has done a number on you, hasn't he? Chucking the cat out, and taking it to the vet/ altering its diet, are not remotely equivalent. You're not both doing something to help alleviate the situation.

good for you for getting the cat back in. Now please think about this situation and use it to re-evaluate your relationship. I could not be with anyone who treated my animals in this way.

Kookypants · 04/02/2017 22:11

One of our cats has killed two of OHs blackberries in the last year by puking on them. Thankfully I married a man with cats himself. What a sad story. I've never said this before but you should LTB. You deserve better, I'm sure. Your cat certainly does.

teaforbreakfast · 04/02/2017 22:11

Op, I really do feel for you here Flowers

I have an elderly cat. He was old when I got him (I went to a rescue centre for a kitten but I am a softie and when they said they had an old man who they were struggling to rehome because of his age, what could I do?)

In fairness to him he's always been a very no-trouble cat but he is still a cat. His most irritating habit is how vocal he is - high pitched loud miaows when he sees me and wants me to open the door, and loud yowls when he's outside and wants to come in. Also eats ... and eats ... and eats. Stomach like a bottomless pit!

In may 2014 my beloved father died suddenly from a heart attack. He was only in his sixties and was fit and well. My grief was horrific. I felt so lonely and alone and would regularly wake up crying.

My fat, yowling, greedy old man was worth his substantial weight in diamonds then. I would wake up crying and he'd lie by my side, purring loudly and it was so soothing. It was as if he knew, you know? I'm sure you do :)

I'm sure if leaving this man is what you want, your cat will bring you comfort, love, joy and peace. I'm also sure your little boy will see what your line of tolerance is - that no one messes with you and yours, or treats them badly.

I'm sure you will do the right thing Flowers

Jaxhog · 04/02/2017 22:12

Kick him out (the DP). He's not a nice person if he kicks out your beloved pet. And you aren't a nice person if you let him.

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 04/02/2017 22:14

Poor puss cat, what goes around comes around OP.
He might kick you out next, just saying ...

MsPavlichenko · 04/02/2017 22:16

It is also possible your cat is being sick more often because of anxiety. Both as a result of the cat flap going, being excluded and your DH's antipathy/hostility. And possibly your anxiety/appeasement.

I am the least soft cat owner (!) ever, but now on my fifth DCat and am well aware how much they dislike changes/pick up on atmosphere. Years ago my lovely moggy was ill after a change of couch!

Fwiw I also think that your DH is controlling, and you should give some thought to this.

buttercup54321 · 04/02/2017 22:18

Poor cat. You need to stand up to dp. If the children kept being sick would he get rid of them? He sounds an idiot. I couldn't be with someone like that.

PickAChew · 04/02/2017 22:21

P in the shed. Give the cat some TLC (and get it to the vet)

I understand being slow with the vet visits, if you have been trying to investigate the problem. In our case the cat was sick with friskies style dry food, so we limited portions of that and problem solved. if ti sicks up everything, then quicker action is probably necessary. I did notice, when we had cats, that one that was very nervous (lovely until speyed, then turned pretty feral) had a tendency to bolt food and not want to be around any other animals or people. The puking could be a nervous thing, if your cat detects a threat from your P.

NotMyPenguin · 04/02/2017 22:24

You could try a Feliway and see if it helps (if it's anxiety, that is)

newbieho · 04/02/2017 22:28

OP great for bringing the cat in Smile

That's so much better than kicking him out to the shed. I can understand that constantly sick cat is not good for anyone including the poor pet. After my two of my furbabies were ill for over a month and finished the treatment we had to deep clean the carpets. During that tough time we would NEVER think of kicking them outside- once you take the animal you become responsible and promise to take care of it for good.

If you love your cat you must stand up for him/her. Hopefully the kitty gets better soon x

UptownFlunk · 04/02/2017 22:29

OP, my cat was a very sickly cat, regularly chucking up but not ill in any way. I eventually changed his cat food to a more expensive dried food with a higher meat content. Since then he is rarely sick at all.

Clandestino · 04/02/2017 22:30

DP would be in the shelter and the cat on the sofa. I'd rather pick cat's vomit than be together with a domineering prick.

Whywonttheyletmeusemyusername · 04/02/2017 22:30

Agree with every single post on here - partner in shed, cat in house, tucked up under a blanket, being given loads of love. My GSDs are fast asleep, on my bed, and the cat is upstairs curled up on DD3 pillow. You're bang out of order

mortificado · 04/02/2017 22:31

Never said this before but LTB Wink.
Can you get a cat house?
We have one for our almost feral cat. It's lined with blankets and towels and always fresh food and water in there

Aeroflotgirl · 04/02/2017 22:31

I am shocked your all laying into a vulnerable woman, who sounds like she is in a controlling relationship. She needs support and good advice, not plain nastiness. Talk about kicking a person when they are down. I am glad you brought the cat in, now your need to kick your partner into shape, and don't take no crap from him. I would personally kick him out, they say you can judge a person very well, how they treat animals, and he sounds awful, heartless, and uncaring. You need professional help for yourself, contact Woman's Aid, get counselling from the GP. You sound very beaten down op Flowers.

chocolateworshipper · 04/02/2017 22:32

You may need to have him re-homed. Only other option is to have him put down. Only down-side is, it would be you cleaning up the sick every time...

Lunde · 04/02/2017 22:32

I have 5 rescue cats and a couple have the tendency to vomit:

  • have you wormed the cat recently? - cats that are outside cat pick up worms easily and for one of my cats vomiting is always the first sign of worms
  • Does the cat bolt its food? - some cats - and in particular the abandoned cats seem to panic that you are cutting off the food (taking out an established cat flap may make this worse as they cannot come in when hungry). Can you calm him down with small and often portions?
Are there other symptoms of illness?
kilmuir · 04/02/2017 22:32

Stick up for yourself and the cat

anonymice · 04/02/2017 22:40

My horrible dad did this to our old cat. Our cat was outside in all weathers and ended up losing an eye in a road accident. I was very glad when my mum left my dad. Not saying your DP is this unpleasant but picking on a poorly animal he knows you are fond of is very spiteful and childish. You do deserve better OP.

Mulberry72 · 04/02/2017 22:43

You need to stand up to your DP, sorry to be blunt. Your cat is clearly poorly, and throwing it out in the cold is just cruel!

Your DP sounds horrid.

MatildaTheCat · 04/02/2017 22:46

Furballs. Our cat goes through intermittent periods of throwing up and if I give her regular doses of the furball paste it really helps. Throwing her out in the cold would be a little tiny bit mean IMO.

reuset · 04/02/2017 22:46

I hope you're ok, OP

FireSquirrel · 04/02/2017 22:47

Tell DP the cat is coming back and if he doesn't like it he can fuck off.

This. He sounds utterly foul and your cat is worth a million of him, both you and your cat deserve better.