Dp kicked out cat

[Anothernamechange5]

Name changed. Massively identifying.

So, I had a cat before we got together. Now 7 years later, living together with a dc.

Cat is quite annoying in a cat way (around your legs for food etc) which is a bit of a pain but manageable. But, he's started being sick a lot after food which dp is sick of cleaning up (whoever spots it cleans it so I clean it up too) and of course not great for dc - although I use disinfectant etc.

Basically I'm sad about it. The cat flap has been taken away & the cat only comes indoors for food. He has the shed for shelter/warmth. I don't want to put up a fight because then I'll feel anxious if/when the cats sick and feel responsible for his anger. I am taking him to the vet so hopefully it'll stop the sickness but think dp is done now.

I just feel sad. AIBU?

[HappyFlappy]

Gladallover

[mowglik]

OP why on earth did you not discuss it when your DH declared that cat was only to come in to eat. It's winter fgs, and your cat is a senior cat with a possible illness. He's only got you to fight his corner so stick up for him. Your DH sounds nasty to contemplate doing that to a pet who is used to being indoors.

Having said that, I do think you should clean the vomit yourself. I would be disgruntled too if I had to do jobs I considered unpleasant (I do the same for one of my cats so I know how gross it is) and had no say in it. Maybe if you suggest that it will appease your DH somewhat.

Poor cat - hope you get it sorted with your DH soon.

[ohfourfoxache]

Keep the kitty, chuck the "d"p

[Hidingtonothing]

So passive aggressive then? Does he make you feel anxious about his reaction to other stuff OP? I'm assuming so because you state he's 'more articulate' and that you 'don't fare well in arguments' which indicates you're uncomfortable putting forward an opposing point of view. You know that's not right don't you? You have as much right to an opinion (and to express it without being out-talked, belittled or overridden) as he does and household/family decisions should be made jointly with compromise on both sides.

Time to stand up for yourself (and your poor cat) and tell him you're not happy with the situation. Does he know it upsets you that he's effectively taken your pet away from you? Does he generally care when something upsets you and if not why are you with him?

[Bantanddec]

Put dp in the shed

[StripeyDeckchair]

Terrible thing to do.
You wouldn't put your child in the shed because it kept on being sick, equally you should take your pet to the vet.
Feed it small amounts & leave a gap between top ups to try & stop/reduce the sickness. For the health of your pet you should be feeding wet food not dry, if it's dry change to wet which is far better for them

It really pisses me off that people have a pet & then have kids & cant be bothered with the pet - you took it on, you have responsibilities to it, step up act accordingly.

[Anothernamechange5]

Whoever sees sick first cleans it as the other is usually with dc1 trying to keep him away from it/get him ready. I have said that if cat sick then I will clean it but if I'm
Not there/busy unfortunately it falls to him

[RedastheRose]

Your DP sounds controlling! You shouldn't be frightened or so worn down by something like this, as the cat is yours and important to you your DP, if he really was a DP who loved you unconditionally, would care enough to help you with the cat. Your relationship sounds a bit unhealthy. Take the cat to the vet, do what you can to solve it's health problem then fetch it back inside. If DP sulks, throws a tantrum or shows anger then you have much bigger issues than the cat!

[EvansOvalPies]

OP Well done for bringing your cat in. I agree with everyone else - your "D" partner is a complete and utter twat. He sounds controlling, he's started with your beloved cat, it will escalate. Stand up to him now, otherwise your future life will be an absolute misery.

Also agree with others, the way a person treats an animal is a very good indicator of how they are as a person in general. My own partner (of 30 yrs) can be so very annoying at times. Yet I often bring home rescue pets, he moans about it for a while, but he is so very, very kind to them all. Clears up the vomit and poo where necessary, (and yes, cats don't know they're puking on your favourite rug - they just do it) he gives the rabbits treats when he's in the garden. That means the absolute world to me, because I know he is a kind man (as I remind myself repeatedly each night when kept awake with his snoring)!!

Really hope your cat gets better - and hopefully the vet will be able to diagnose his problem. And hope your partner comes to his senses, otherwise - sling him!

[Anothernamechange5]

Agree stripey I do feel bad I gave up so easily.

To defend my partner, when I've just spoken with him he did say he doesn't want to upset me and that what I was saying was totally fine but he needs to be able to put the cat out if he has to. He's not a bad person, just got to the end of his tether I think.

[Kevinbaconsrealwife]

Have to agree with all PP, deal breaker for me too I'm afraid...if your Partner is like this now how on earth will he be as cat gets older and has more ailments/ needs more care?... When I met my now DH I said " I have a 12 year old staffy , he is non negotiable".... And guess who looked after him just as well as me and also held him in his arms and cried as he was pts 4 years later? I'm honestly not being remotely smug or superior OP, I feel for you and the cat!!!!...your partner sounds unpleasant , I hope the vet has answers / meds so cat is better soon x

[PinkSparklyPussyCat]

Doesn't your vet have emergency appointments? If my cat is poorly they fit him in the same day. Waiting 2 weeks when you know he's poorly isn't unforgivable.

To be frank, your 'D'P is an arsehole. There's no way I would allow DH to treat an animal that way no matter how angry it made him. He wouldn't do it but would be told to fuck off if he did. Maybe if you'd taken the cat to the vet when he was first sick then it wouldn't have got this far.

[Anothernamechange5]

almostajill whilst I understand your anger, please read the updates

[RustyPaperclip]

OP, I'm sorry but your DP is a dick, and I don't say this lightly. To show such little compassion for an innocent cat is terrible, let alone the fact he must know that his actions towards the cat must cause you pain. Is he controlling in other ways?

[lottiegarbanzo]

Stop feeling responsible for his bad behaviour and lack of self control, just stop, detach, find your own inner happy place, and stop.

Just to clarify; after the cat flap was removed, the cat continued to stay in with you during the day. Your 'D'P then stated that cat was in fact outdoors all the time, coming in only for food. You knew this to be untrue. You said nothing.

My understanding of this: You knew your P was making this claim as a justification for what he was going to do next - insist the cat lived in the shed full-time - and that as he had already decided this was what was happening, it was actually a decree, not intended to be part of a discussion. Therefore, speaking up would serve no preventative purpose, just take the cat to the same end point with more pain and discomfort for you along the way. Have I got that right?

That's not being articulate, that's being a bully.

The lying about 'facts' that you know plain well to be wrong, in order to make his case - and, doing so openly and deliberately in order to discomfort you, building your discomfort, your unwillingness to challenge him every time, because you feel such a fool for having let him do it to you, as well as beginning to question yourself, thus building his confidence that he can manipulate you - that's called gaslighting. There's a lot about it on the relationship board here. I suggest you get your thread moved there.

[ilovesooty]

He said that? Hardly consistent with saying the cat could o lay come in to eat and making a calculated decision to remove the cat flap.

I see you're already making excuses for him.

[Anothernamechange5]

Haven't waited 2 weeks while he's been poorly. Cat often sick after food because he eats too fast/is a longhair so a lot of fur balls. Just 2 weeks is uncommon so getting it checked.

[beautifulgirls]

Before you get to the vet make sure you know who is in control of decisions about the cat at the appointment. The vet may well recommend blood tests and possibly more to find out what is or is not going on but these come at a price. I can see the next difficulty coming when you are prepared to try and help the vet help the cat and your DP doesn't want to pay the vets bills. Meanwhile your poor vet will be stuck in the middle of this trying to do the best for the cat.

[Littlemissindependent]

What the actual fuck? Get the cat in and your arse of a partner out. Absolutely disgusted.

[lottiegarbanzo]

Ah, hang on - declared he was only coming in to eat - meant 'in future he would only be coming in to eat' did it? Not that this described the current situation? In which case ignore the gaslighting bit. Not the bullying bit though.

[Anothernamechange5]

I would foot any vets bills & taking him
To appointment so no worries there

[elfies]

This could be a thyroid problem , treatable with tablets ,I hope so .
Please let the cat back into the house , you've trained it to use the cat flap , so it must be terribly confused suddenly finding access blocked .
If your other half bans it then please rehome the poor cat , though I must admit I'd be inclined to rehome HIM instead .
What would happen if you're ever ill ...will you find yourself banished too ?

[bloodyteenagers]

So what happens when child starts making a mess on a regular basis? You know like they do. Or has an ongoing illness? Going to get chucked out of the way to the garage?

[RachelRagged]

Your DP is a twat ,. Throw your DP OUT .