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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dp kicked out cat

298 replies

Anothernamechange5 · 04/02/2017 20:51

Name changed. Massively identifying.

So, I had a cat before we got together. Now 7 years later, living together with a dc.

Cat is quite annoying in a cat way (around your legs for food etc) which is a bit of a pain but manageable. But, he's started being sick a lot after food which dp is sick of cleaning up (whoever spots it cleans it so I clean it up too) and of course not great for dc - although I use disinfectant etc.

Basically I'm sad about it. The cat flap has been taken away & the cat only comes indoors for food. He has the shed for shelter/warmth. I don't want to put up a fight because then I'll feel anxious if/when the cats sick and feel responsible for his anger. I am taking him to the vet so hopefully it'll stop the sickness but think dp is done now.

I just feel sad. AIBU?

OP posts:
RingringWhoIsIt · 04/02/2017 21:45

Is your dp a bully? He sounds like a bully. Hope your cat is ok.

Chippednailvarnishing · 04/02/2017 21:45

I bet your DP will get the cat PTS as soon as he can.

TheHodgeoftheHedge · 04/02/2017 21:46

He's been ill enough that it's caused enough of a problem between you to get th cat flap taken way and the cat left with the shed but you didn't go to the vets first?! Seriously?

AllThePrettySeahorses · 04/02/2017 21:47

YY to what beautifulgirls said.

This would be a deal breaker for me too. My cat is on a strictly controlled diet otherwise (TMI) he has the trots down to his ankles and up his back, and he's a mardy, spoilt so and so, but I couldn't be with anyone who tried to push him out.

e

Original poster
Anothernamechange5 · 04/02/2017 21:48

I think we're both guilty of being frustrated with the sickness, he's just done something about it, albeit the wrong thing. What I'm
Doing (amending feeds/working/vets) doesn't have an immediate affect unfortunately.

OP posts:
BenadrylCucumberpatch · 04/02/2017 21:48

So what happens when child starts making a mess on a regular basis? You know like they do. Or has an ongoing illness? Going to get chucked out of the way to the garage?

I agree the DP is absolutely over the line of decent behaviour, but I don't understand this argument. Animals are not children.

TheHodgeoftheHedge · 04/02/2017 21:48

If it's an issue of "waiting" for an appointment, then I'd be taking him to another vet. It's a poor excuse for letting an animal who is dependant of you suffer.

thatdearoctopus · 04/02/2017 21:49

Got to hope that you or the dcs don't ever fall ill, really, haven't you?

Heirhelp · 04/02/2017 21:49

I am shocked that you have locked an ill animal outside in winter and not sought medical care for him.

You are both very unreasonable for this.

Original poster
Anothernamechange5 · 04/02/2017 21:50

thehodge he's always been sick off and on, it's the fact it's a constant at intervals rather than a regular thing. Not something to worry about, but this been a bit too frequent hence vet trip.

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 04/02/2017 21:51

More excuses and justification. Have you no realistic perspective when it comes to your partner's behaviour?

lottiegarbanzo · 04/02/2017 21:51

More practically, same thought as others. My cat had digestive problems as she got older, it's very common, because normal food becomes too rich. Got special dry food from vets, all better.

Original poster
Anothernamechange5 · 04/02/2017 21:51

heir cat is indoors now. Fwiw, it's not cold where we are (although doesn't excuse anything I know)

OP posts:
Original poster
Anothernamechange5 · 04/02/2017 21:52

ilovesooty no justifications, just explaining why cat being sick wasn't initially a worry - he's always been sick now & again

OP posts:
Original poster
Anothernamechange5 · 04/02/2017 21:54

lottie will ask about that, thank you

OP posts:
reuset · 04/02/2017 21:54

You need to bring the cat back in. (I've only read page one). Who allows this! Your dh needs sorting out after that. Shocking behaviour.

ilovesooty · 04/02/2017 21:54

You keep excusing your partner. Sorry but it seems pretty clear to me.

teaforbreakfast · 04/02/2017 21:56

I agree ilovesooty but you don't need me to point out women living in poor relationships can get a skewed sense of perspective.

reuset · 04/02/2017 21:56

Thank goodness for that, the cat is back inside. But as for your dh...

ilovesooty · 04/02/2017 21:57

teaforbreakfast absolutely.

allchattedout · 04/02/2017 21:58

I agree the DP is absolutely over the line of decent behaviour, but I don't understand this argument. Animals are not children

Does that mean it's OK to mistreat them? Most people who are abusive to animals are also abusive to humans.

NotMyPenguin · 04/02/2017 21:59

Our family cat was sick almost every time she ate; it developed when she was about 10 but it was just a habit rather than an illness (and she'd eat it afterwards, yuck yuck yuck!). We took her to a number of vets and the consensus was that this is actually quite a common cat thing for cats with a 'delicate tummy'. She lived to the grand old age of 21.

My point really is that the cat may not be desperately sick, it may just be an unpleasant habit. Obviously better to get checked out, but it's not necessarily anything awful.

Toddlerteaplease · 04/02/2017 22:01

Deal breaker for me too. My cats are also non negotiable. Completely agree with PP's who said that they way someone treats animals is a good indicator of how they are as a person. I could not be with someone who treated my beloved pets with so little respect. That would mean they also have no respect for me either. Ditch the husband now before he gets worse. . He sounds like a nasty piece of work. And you sound afraid of him.

Wolfiefan · 04/02/2017 22:01

i can't believe no vet could see you before now.
If cat could be ill then cat goes to vets. Simple.
I'll ask again. What is cat fed?
And if it's a long haired cat do you groom daily? If not that'll explain the hair balls.

Kahlua4me · 04/02/2017 22:02

Our cat is sick on a regular basis, always has done since we got her from rescue. All well and healthy though. We have simply changed her to dry food so easier to clear up! Would that help your cat?

However, dh would not dream of kicking her out because of the sickness, that is another matter completely I think.....