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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dp kicked out cat

298 replies

Anothernamechange5 · 04/02/2017 20:51

Name changed. Massively identifying.

So, I had a cat before we got together. Now 7 years later, living together with a dc.

Cat is quite annoying in a cat way (around your legs for food etc) which is a bit of a pain but manageable. But, he's started being sick a lot after food which dp is sick of cleaning up (whoever spots it cleans it so I clean it up too) and of course not great for dc - although I use disinfectant etc.

Basically I'm sad about it. The cat flap has been taken away & the cat only comes indoors for food. He has the shed for shelter/warmth. I don't want to put up a fight because then I'll feel anxious if/when the cats sick and feel responsible for his anger. I am taking him to the vet so hopefully it'll stop the sickness but think dp is done now.

I just feel sad. AIBU?

OP posts:
sonjadog · 04/02/2017 21:12

Poor cat. Please don´t do this to him.

LazySusan11 · 04/02/2017 21:12

Also op I'm sorry but find your backbone and do the right thing. Stand up for yourself and your poor bloody cat.

Original poster
Anothernamechange5 · 04/02/2017 21:13

I know, I feel awful I really do. It's just wore me down, the angst about the sick.

OP posts:
OMGBecky · 04/02/2017 21:13

Here's an articulate argument: I made a committment when I got the cat to care for it. I am a woman of my word and the cat will be going to see the vet this week. Until I can find a loving home where the cat can live in safety indoors, the cat flap stays and I will be responsible for cleaning up any mess the cat makes. Do not allow yourself to be bullied into doing things that go against your morals. If your DP has a problem with it, tell him to sleep in the shed.

mummymummums · 04/02/2017 21:13

Your poor cat! This thread has really upset me. Pets aren't just for indoors when they're well. When cat needed you most you've allowed a domineering DP to chuck him out.
I hope you don't get another after this.
Quite frankly your DP is clearly a vile bully - good luck with that. People who are cruel to animals often start on people next.

Original poster
Anothernamechange5 · 04/02/2017 21:14

Not indoor cat. He's an outdoor cat who sleeps on sofa in the day, out at night

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 04/02/2017 21:15

The angst about the sick? How do you think the cat feels? Save the angst. Take it to the vet.
And is it on dry food? What is cat fed?

AshesandDust · 04/02/2017 21:15

Poor cat and poor you. You're both put upon and relegated to pain in the arse status by DH. What's going to happen when DC starts making a mess around the house?

ilovesooty · 04/02/2017 21:15

I take it your partner only became cruel and abusive after you'd decided to live together and have a child? Are you happy for your child to grow up seeing this sort of treatment of an animal as normal and you being too cowed to stand up to him?

lottiegarbanzo · 04/02/2017 21:15

Feeling 'anxious and responsible for his anger' is not good, not normal and no way to live.

This, not the cat, is the central issue here. There will be another trigger for his anger and your tiptoeing around him, then another, then another.

The cat deserves a warm home though, so get it treated, then decide to keep it properly, indoors (can't it be confined to the kitchen at night, so no carpet?), or re-home.

TheWitTank · 04/02/2017 21:15

Why haven't you taken it to the vet?

Sparklingbrook · 04/02/2017 21:15

Cats should be in at night anyway. Even more so if they are ill.

Pumpkintopf · 04/02/2017 21:16

I don't want to put up a fight because then I'll feel anxious if/when the cats sick and feel responsible for his anger.

This is the problem- a) your partner getting angry b) you being unable to stand up to him

What if he decides to shout at /get angry with your child/ren -will you be too anxious to stand up for them too?

Original poster
Anothernamechange5 · 04/02/2017 21:16

I agreed to the flap going so we could control when the cat would be in (i work from home so can be in with me, if I think he's going to be sick I can put him out). Dp declared after it had gone that he's only coming in to eat. Was a surprise & I don't fair well in discussions when emotional
So didn't discuss it. Now dwelling on it I'm
Upset

OP posts:
MidniteScribbler · 04/02/2017 21:17

get it rehomed.

I agree. Although I'm not sure who would take on a pathetic, cruel, domineering arsehole like this guy.

Foxysoxy01 · 04/02/2017 21:18

You need to do something about it now OP.

You can't leave an old cat out in the shed through winter.
It needs vet first thing Monday and to be rehomed the same day, Tuesday at the latest.

Good luck with your partner you are going to need it!

BishopBrennansArse · 04/02/2017 21:18

Get rid of that awful thing that thinks it's a man.

Original poster
Anothernamechange5 · 04/02/2017 21:18

It's not outward anger like shouting/slamming, it's irritated/angst and I feel
Responsible.

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 04/02/2017 21:18

Good grief. He sounds more and more unpleasant with every post.

And you seriously put up with this?

Maudlinmaud · 04/02/2017 21:19

Tell your dh I'm going to kick him to see how he likes it. I'm not scared of him. Angry

BantyCustards · 04/02/2017 21:19

Bloody hell - kick this arse out (the one without 4 legs)

DesolateWaist · 04/02/2017 21:19

You can tell a lot about a person based on how they treat animals and waiters.

Your DP sounds like an arse.

RortyCrankle · 04/02/2017 21:19

happypoobum
Never mind what's wrong with the cat - what the fuck is wrong with you? Are you seriously so subordinate to your DP that you allow him to relegate your pet to the shed -in the middle of winter, possibly carrying an illness?
Do you not give a shit?
Tell DP the cat is coming back and if he doesn't like it he can fuck off.

This - with bells on.

Honestly, words fail me sometimes.

GoodGirlGoneWrong · 04/02/2017 21:20

Ffs get the cat to a vet!

Get the cat back inside and get rid of the partner.

And never get another animal if you can't stand up to anyone about it.

My DH looks after my 3 cats like his own, even tho he professes he doesn't like them (all in jest, he does actually adore them) when the rescue kitten turned up rather poorly he cleaned up cat shit/puke, He would never throw them into a shed.

Cat in the house partner outside Angry

Original poster
Anothernamechange5 · 04/02/2017 21:20

Cat booked in with vet this week. Repeated sickness been happening last 2 weeks & whilst sickness not unusual, this is quite long to happen so when booking, earliest could do was then

OP posts:
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