WIBU to this rude man on the train?

[Tabbylady]

Sometimes I commute by train. Today coming home I was at a table with a woman & baby opposite me and man next to me. I've seen the man a few times- it's a small train and we obviously do a similar commute.

I had smiled at the woman and commented on her cute baby before the man got on. The woman started to breastfeed her baby and almost immediately the man started making disgusted noises and told her to "go and do that in the toilet". She seemed really shocked/speechless.

I said excuse me but she isn't bothering me and I'm opposite her, pointed out that it's illegal to stop someone from breastfeeding in public now, and invited him to go and eat his smelly egg sandwich in the toilet instead. He wasn't really having any of it and said she was flaunting herself, to think of the effect it might have on "those boys" (a table of oblivious teenagers halfway down the train). The woman was now in tears. I'd had a bad day at work and lost the plot a bit.

For context, I work in criminal justice. I was working on my laptop on a presentation on sex offenders I'm due to do, where I have some expertise. (OK to do on a train, it's in the public domain and no graphic images etc!) but did notice him peering at my laptop screen.

I told him, very loudly, that if he was unable to cope with the merest sight of breast in a completely appropriate, public context and was finding himself uncontrollably aroused then I was seriously concerned that he was some kind of sexual deviant and should seek help immediately. I did this in a very earnest, straight-faced, concerned-for-your-health and totally PA way. People nearby noticed, and laughed. He was all flustered, went scarlet and buried himself in the Metro.

I got off at the same stop as the woman and apologised to her as I did not want to have embarassed her. She said it was ok and that she wasn't embarrassed, nice to have been stuck up for etc so I know I did broadly the right thing there.

But did I take it too far with the man? He was being really awful, but I was pretty rude and he was clearly embarrassed. I'll probably see him again on the train. Do I need to apologise to him too??

I'm imagining him on oldmansnet complaining about this nasty random young(ish) woman who accused him in public of being a sex offender!!!

You deserved a standing ovation for saying that!i would have stand up and clap my hands if I hear you saying that and will also back you up by giving him a piece of my mind as well so don't you dare flipping apologise the next time you see that cretin!

Fgs the over the top fawning over the op on this thread is eye-wateringly nauseating.

Yes, there are a few arseholes in the world who object to seeing a woman breastfeeding. She only needed to say "oh stop being so silly, women are entitled to breastfeed in public by law".

Rounds of applause and standing ovation? Come on! You don't even know exactly what was said by anyone in this scenario. Have a word with yourselves.

Nope! You definitely do NOT have to apologise to that arsehole. Well done you

She did bibbity, but he carried on!

AnnabelC

Why do you think it is age related?

OP doesn't mention his age that I can see but does see him on a commuter train. Even if he is a 70+ commuter that makes him part of the boomer /hippy generation. Wild free love may not have made it to the suburbs in the 70s (other than the pampas grass set) but breastfeeding is hardly likely to cause palpitations to that generation unless they want it too.
I wonder if he objects equally to page 3 or other objectifying pictures of scantily clad women being left lying around on carriages.

Congratulations OP. There are some weird goady posters on this thread. More needs to be done to get widespread acceptance of bf in public. OP's way of handling it taught the miserable git a lesson, while providing anyone sitting nearby with food for thought (and a bit of a giggle in some cases).

Thank you thank you YWNU at all I am breastfeeding and I would have been grateful to you as well if you had stood up for me like that. I'm one of those people who struggle to challenge and I would have been crying like the lady on the train. Good on you OP the egg sandwich would have been worse compared to a baby enjoying their breastmilk.

I think you were perfectly reasonable to say what you did.

DO NOT APOLOGISE to the twazzock. Practice your "don't fuck with me" glare for when your paths cross again. He'll shrivel.

Oldmansnet was mentioned. C8. I just think he needed to be educated as he was obviously ignorant.

Hooray for you!
YANBU at all.

YABU to consider apologising, please don't, you were in the RIGHT!
We need more women like you!

Fgs the over the top fawning over the op on this thread is eye-waveringly nauseating

It is surprisingly difficult to challenge somebody in public on behalf of somebody else IME, so I do think the OP deserves some credit.

The public hold workers in certain professions to higher standards of conduct. And that's why these jobs only suit certain people because you often have to act in a professional and respectful manner in the face of extreme provocation

Fallon I'm afraid you aren't the voice of authority on how "professionals" are supposed to act outside of work. They are people too! Besides, your argument just isn't true... you should google Patricia Lynch, a QC and Judge who called a Defendant a cunt in open court. No disciplinary action held against her.

I'm not going to argue the rights and wrongs of that with you, but please don't blather on and try to beat OP over the head with your outdated moral sensibilities. The SRA et al are much more concerned about solicitors ripping off or misrepresenting their clients than a few choice words said on a train after hours.

FWIW I don't think OP was BU (and I'm a legal professional also)

Brilliant! Well done

Op you are my hero

Personally I probably would've been even ruder and think you showed restraint in giving him a chance to back down/apologise to the mother (and yourself)/move. If he wants to harrass breastfeeding mothers and deprive babies of the nourishment they need, when they need it, then he is the one with the problem. Here's hoping he chooses to sit somewhere other than next to you if you have the misfortune to travel the same trains again. This guy is obviously a twat with bullying tendencies and I'm sure the mother appreciated your support - no reason for you to apologise as your reaction was pretty reasonable under the circumstances.

I would normally be horrified at the idea of publicly accusing someone of being a sexual deviant. A friends' dad was falsely accused of molesting a pupil and committed suicide before the girl admitted she was lying.
However, there's clearly nothing 'disgusting' about feeding a child - he's reducing the mother to nothing more than a sexual being by reacting to her like this.
I could forgive a teenager for acting like that, they're still figuring out their own bodies. From a grown man it's a disturbing vocalisation of how society views women and how we don't question social 'norms'. If he's started the conversation, uninvited, about breastfeeding in public and can't articulate beyond 'it's disgusting', he deserves to have a mirror held up to his behaviour.

On a lighter note, and nothing to do with breastfeeding mums....once I was on a bus when a noisy late-teens chavvy sod kept turning the volume up on his cassette player (yes, it was a few yesrs back!). Despite several other passengers, including elderly ladies, politely requesting that he turn it down or use his headphones (for his crap music), he kept getting louder. I told him once, quite clearly and firmly, that if he didn't turn it down or off I would stamp on it until it didn't work anymore. He turned it up, I snatched it, threw it on the floor and stamped on it - it shattered first stamp! The bus erupted in applause and the driver told him to get off and take his broken crap with him - problem solved. These days I'd be more wary because of all the knife-carrying idiots, but back then I felt perfectly justified in defending older passengers rights to travel peacefully :)

Lorleigh if this was Facebook I'd like your comment! AMAZING!

I love you!!! Hero worshipping here 😄

OP, I love you!

Some people are really easily pleased.

I think bloody BRAVO to you for doing this ! Brilliantly and eloquently done ! What a total loser that bloke is. Hopefully he will think twice before saying anything again. Pfff.

You are my hero! Well done!

loreligh, well done you 😀😀😀😀😀. Now if you so that, you risk being stabbed, attacked etc. I totally agree shark, my god the pious people on here. Even professionals are humans, not robots!