WIBU to this rude man on the train?

[Tabbylady]

Sometimes I commute by train. Today coming home I was at a table with a woman & baby opposite me and man next to me. I've seen the man a few times- it's a small train and we obviously do a similar commute.

I had smiled at the woman and commented on her cute baby before the man got on. The woman started to breastfeed her baby and almost immediately the man started making disgusted noises and told her to "go and do that in the toilet". She seemed really shocked/speechless.

I said excuse me but she isn't bothering me and I'm opposite her, pointed out that it's illegal to stop someone from breastfeeding in public now, and invited him to go and eat his smelly egg sandwich in the toilet instead. He wasn't really having any of it and said she was flaunting herself, to think of the effect it might have on "those boys" (a table of oblivious teenagers halfway down the train). The woman was now in tears. I'd had a bad day at work and lost the plot a bit.

For context, I work in criminal justice. I was working on my laptop on a presentation on sex offenders I'm due to do, where I have some expertise. (OK to do on a train, it's in the public domain and no graphic images etc!) but did notice him peering at my laptop screen.

I told him, very loudly, that if he was unable to cope with the merest sight of breast in a completely appropriate, public context and was finding himself uncontrollably aroused then I was seriously concerned that he was some kind of sexual deviant and should seek help immediately. I did this in a very earnest, straight-faced, concerned-for-your-health and totally PA way. People nearby noticed, and laughed. He was all flustered, went scarlet and buried himself in the Metro.

I got off at the same stop as the woman and apologised to her as I did not want to have embarassed her. She said it was ok and that she wasn't embarrassed, nice to have been stuck up for etc so I know I did broadly the right thing there.

But did I take it too far with the man? He was being really awful, but I was pretty rude and he was clearly embarrassed. I'll probably see him again on the train. Do I need to apologise to him too??

I'm imagining him on oldmansnet complaining about this nasty random young(ish) woman who accused him in public of being a sex offender!!!

Well done for standing up to this frightful man on behalf of the bf mum. How dare he transfer his lecherous thoughts onto the teen boys. Do not apologise.💐

You were not being unreasonable, far from it! And I think you did it in a far better way than some of us could have. I truly hope he was embarrassed and will think again before bothering a breastfeeding mother anywhere. :)

Well done you!

Do not, under any circumstance, apologise to him if you see him again.

Well done you!!

Hooray for you!

Oh wow a troll!! needs to get a life - I tend to only post threads on here about the truly bizarre moments in my life. Hey ho.

Sigh re Facebook grannypants

I bet I see him all the time now.

Also kind of wondering if I should keep an eye out for the mum since she obviously lives near me, I'm PG and could do with a mat leave pal later in the year...

You did really well supporting the mum but calling him a sex offender was a tad too far. He might well have been embarrassed. Age related. Just not used to seeing breastfeeding. I am older and breastfeed all my 4 children but had to even hide away in my own home. So I am all for breastfeeding in public. Try and tell a baby there is no food! Maybe a reminder that you can't stay indoors until you stop breastfeeding and expressing doesn't happen for everyone. It's natural. Babies can't wait and would he have preferred screaming and distressed baby. Just saying.

You madam, deserve a round of applause! Well done! I often worry about feeding a child in public, and would feel so much better knowing women like you are around!

All right go you! Not only we're YDNBU you should do it again! Especially in the current climate do we need people like you helping prevent behaviour like that. I hug you!!

DO NOT apologise. He was being very rude and those attitudes need challenging.... hopefully he will think twice next time, but more importantly maybe he will try to consider his own position in such stupid attitudes.

He so needed to be told. Good for you. That's one creep who will never bring that subject up again to upset someone on a train, Just in case you , or a like minded person, are sitting behind him!

I wish more people were like you! Well done standing up to him, what you did was spot on!!!

You were magnificent. Keep up the good work!

Good on you. He deserved it, what an ignorant man.

Fantastic!! Well done you!!

Well done! I had an altercation with an old man yesterday, I was at the bus stop with my double buggy (Phil and teds stacked so not too bulky) it was quiet and out of rush hour and I was only going a few stops on a bus that I know has plenty of room, an old man came to the bus stop and started to complain about the buggy, he asked how old my oldest was - 2 years, he said she should be walking everywhere (2 year olds don't always, they need a break and mine had gross motor skills delay so didn't crawl until 14 months) tried explaining, and explained it was a quiet time, he was having none of it, then started complaining about wheelchair users on busses and how they should fold then up or get a taxi (if you are a wheelchair user you would not physically be able to do this without help). I didn't argue too much as not infrount of the baby and 2 year old but I am still raging 😡, we got on the bus, as I was manovering my buggy he was all smug saying see, I then put my buggy in the space provided and said 'there is plenty of room as you can see' one day when he is older and may need a wheelchair I'm sure he will suddenly change his ignorant views and decide that busses should have better wheelchair access 🙈, wish I could have been more assertive, you doing it makes me feel a bit better! Some elderly men need to move with the times!

What you said and did, and the way you did it, sounds amazing. He should have been embarrassed. Dick! Well done you

Well done OP

Love this, well done. Do not apologise to him, he was in the wrong.

I feel to come back to the 'professionalism' debate: I do not see how the OP was unprofessional.
Yes, she deliberately misunderstood what the man had said and ran with it (in a rather inspired manner IMO), but she was not rude, not threatening, did not refer to her professional role to give her argument more weight etc etc.

I don't see what she did as rising to provocation.
She spoke up in public and challenged an outdated and illegal attitude.

I am a professional.
I live where I work, my kids go to the local schools, I shop in the local supermarket, I go out for a drink/dinner at the local hostelries - now while I am well aware that I cannot be seen lying drunk in the gutter or going off with my neighbour's husband or something, I do consider myself 'off duty' when I am off duty.
So, I will wear shorts in my own garden, I will have a drink when going out, and I will have opinions!

Anyway, I wish more people had the apparent guts that the OP had.

KTC don't let the buggers get you down! You never have to justify to anyone why your 2 year old is in a buggy. The only people who ever commented on my 4 year old using a buggy sometimes on the school run were the ones who drove their kids to school. Those who walked 4 miles a day, like me, got it. I bet that bloke never juggled a baby and toddler singlehandedly on a bus.

Amazing response. I'm saving that for future reference if anyone dare last says anything to me when I'm feeding. Well done you for sticking up for the lady!

OMG you are amazing, thank you so much for sticking up for a bf mum it will have meant the world to her. He is a pathetic man and doesn't deserve any apology.