Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should I change DDs name for my mum?

158 replies

DogsKidsandchocolate · 01/02/2017 21:01

A bit of background first, I have two boys from a previous relationship. One has my dad's name as a middle name and one has exh's dad's name as a middle name.

I should also add I don't have the best relationship with my mum. She doesn't make much effort to see us and we have never been close.

I had DD a couple of weeks ago. However due to complications we only came home on Friday. While I was in hospital I didn't want to make a final decision on DD s name. Now I'm home we are pretty sure about DDs name

I really want her middle name to be MILs first name. So we sent a text out on Monday to family telling them the name we have chosen. My mum didn't reply.

So my mum and sister came to visit DD for the first time today. Before they arrived I texted them and told them that I am still pretty unwell so could they arrive after DH had done the school run that way he can make cups of tea and run round etc.
They agreed to this, however they ended up coming just before the school run because they wanted to talk to me without DH there.

When DH left they started questioning me as to why we gave DD MIL s name rather than my mum's. I explained that we thought MILs name worked better , she will also be DH s only DC as we aren't having anymore. Also I reminded them that my mum always says that she hates her name as its old fashioned.
They said they understood that but still thought I was being really horrible and they weren't sure they could forgive me. But they would still stay because they wanted to see the DCs.

So DH arrived back with the older DCs and my mum and sister were really making a fuss of them, much more than they usually do. The DCs were finding this a bit full on so I sent them to change and grab a snack to give them a bit of space. I asked my mum if she wanted to hold DD for a little, while the boys were busy.

She said no she didn't want to hold DD as she obviously wasn't important enough to be included in her name. When the boys came back they asked her if she had held DD yet. So she stood up and grabbed DD from me.

DD of course started crying and my mum started saying that DD obviously hated her. She then handed her to my sister and stormed out of the house. My sister gave her to DH and ran after my mum.

My mum then text me about an hour ago saying some really awful stuff which really upset me. I haven't replied to it yet.
My sister has also text me saying I have made an awful mistake and I needed to rethink the name ASAP.

But I still love DDs name the way it is.

So AIBU to keep DD s name and cause this awful family fall out or should I change DDs name to keep the peace?

OP posts:
Celaena · 01/02/2017 21:04

No

Don't change the name

Your mum is acting like a child. And your sister should butt oit4

RueDeWakening · 01/02/2017 21:04

YANBU, keep the name you picked!

And ignore your mum/sister until they can be civil to you.

Hope you're feeling better soon.

EdenX · 01/02/2017 21:04

Keep the name, especially after they have behaved so badly!

Pallisers · 01/02/2017 21:05

She sounds like a two year old and your sister needs to get a life - and a grip.

I could understand being a tiny bit hurt if I were her - but I certainly wouldn't have expressed it. And definitely not expressed it the melodramatic way she did.

Don't change her name. If she tells you again she can't forgive you, say "whatever" and change the subject.

Luttrell · 01/02/2017 21:06

Definitely don't change it. Her behaviour is out of order and only highlights why she isn't involved in naming.

It's kind of a tough one, because she has MILs name, but the polite thing to do is suck it up and recognise you aren't that close.

If she finds that making babies cry and sending you abusive texts gets her what she wants, she'll always do it.

Isadora2007 · 01/02/2017 21:06

No. your mum is being horrible.
Tell your dh though so you have some support

We only use dead relatives names a middle names here. They can't be insulted or moan!

georgethecat · 01/02/2017 21:06

Unbelievable behaviour.

Some people have to make important events all about them.

tobecontinued2000 · 01/02/2017 21:09

I'm so shocked at your mums reaction so I can only imagine how you're feeling.

Don't change your daughters name, your mum is behaving appallingly

conkercola · 01/02/2017 21:11

I could never imagine treating my DD or grandchild like that over a bloody name. Don't change the it. Tell your mum and sister to back off!

Original poster
DogsKidsandchocolate · 01/02/2017 21:11

I do feel kind of bad about because I can understand why my mum feels a bit upset/ left out about it. But I just really love DDs name and MILs name fits so well.MIL is also so kind and she is so great with the DCs and it just feels right.

OP posts:
harderandharder2breathe · 01/02/2017 21:11

Don't change the name!

Feeling slightly put out is normal. But that doesn't mean a grown woman should act like a todddler

TheProblemOfSusan · 01/02/2017 21:13

Keep it. You're not the one causing a fall out.

Chloe84 · 01/02/2017 21:15

So we sent a text out on Monday to family telling them the name we have chosen. My mum didn't reply.

Why would you text this to your mum? It's like you're rubbing her face in it.

I would just have texted the first name to her.

Of course you shouldn't change your DD's middle name and your mum sounds very childish but I think you wanted to set the cat amongst the pigeons.

namechange20050 · 01/02/2017 21:15

Your mothers behaviour is appalling and your sisters isn't much better. You poor thing. Stick to your guns.

Does your mum have form for telling you what to do & controlling aspects of your life?

Soubriquet · 01/02/2017 21:15

Bloody hell don't change the name

She's like a toddler having a tantrum!!

ImperialBlether · 01/02/2017 21:17

I think you should have told your mum the baby's first name only.

WyfOfBathe · 01/02/2017 21:18

Why would you text this to your mum? It's like you're rubbing her face in it.
What? Who wouldn't tell the child's name to the grandparents?

OP, don't change the name. I'm sure your mum will get over it soon.

ThePinkOcelot · 01/02/2017 21:19

Wow, you're mum is being ridiculous!!

Newtothis2017 · 01/02/2017 21:19

Keep the name. Don't be bullied or guilted into changing your dd's name. And congratulations 💐

Bringmewineandcake · 01/02/2017 21:19

Don't change her name when you already love it. Can you imagine what the rest of your family / friends would say if you send another text saying "sorry, DM has had an almighty strop so DD is now called DD DM!"
I can understand her upset but her reaction is terrible.

QueenArseClangers · 01/02/2017 21:20

They both sound like a pair of cunts.

Bet their behaviour towards you in the past has been quite shite too.

Get yourself over to the relationships board for advice on FOG and dickish family. And congratulations on your lovely baby Flowers

MidniteScribbler · 01/02/2017 21:20

I can understand her being a little bit hurt. All the other children have been named after their grandparents and she is the only one left out.

A part of it for me would be if you are planning on having anymore children. If you know this is your last child and she'll never get a chance to be part of a name, then I can see why she might be a bit hurt to be excluded. If you are definitely planning more, then she could expect to be honoured with the next child, so she really can't get upset this time.

That said, you can call your child whatever you like. I'll go back to pulling splinters out of my bum.

GrannyGoggles · 01/02/2017 21:22

Keep the name you've chosen. Take care of yourself and your new baby. IMO the only appropriate response to announcement of infaant's name is 'How lovely'. If that name nods to a parent or grandparent, great. If not, lots of smiling, rinse & repeat: name is . . . It's your choice

InTheKitchenAtParties · 01/02/2017 21:23

Does your DM really think you'll give your baby her name after all this?

phoe6e · 01/02/2017 21:23

The fuck??
Your mum is properly pathethic

Swipe left for the next trending thread