Should I change DDs name for my mum?

[DogsKidsandchocolate]

A bit of background first, I have two boys from a previous relationship. One has my dad's name as a middle name and one has exh's dad's name as a middle name.

I should also add I don't have the best relationship with my mum. She doesn't make much effort to see us and we have never been close.

I had DD a couple of weeks ago. However due to complications we only came home on Friday. While I was in hospital I didn't want to make a final decision on DD s name. Now I'm home we are pretty sure about DDs name

I really want her middle name to be MILs first name. So we sent a text out on Monday to family telling them the name we have chosen. My mum didn't reply.

So my mum and sister came to visit DD for the first time today. Before they arrived I texted them and told them that I am still pretty unwell so could they arrive after DH had done the school run that way he can make cups of tea and run round etc.
They agreed to this, however they ended up coming just before the school run because they wanted to talk to me without DH there.

When DH left they started questioning me as to why we gave DD MIL s name rather than my mum's. I explained that we thought MILs name worked better , she will also be DH s only DC as we aren't having anymore. Also I reminded them that my mum always says that she hates her name as its old fashioned.
They said they understood that but still thought I was being really horrible and they weren't sure they could forgive me. But they would still stay because they wanted to see the DCs.

So DH arrived back with the older DCs and my mum and sister were really making a fuss of them, much more than they usually do. The DCs were finding this a bit full on so I sent them to change and grab a snack to give them a bit of space. I asked my mum if she wanted to hold DD for a little, while the boys were busy.

She said no she didn't want to hold DD as she obviously wasn't important enough to be included in her name. When the boys came back they asked her if she had held DD yet. So she stood up and grabbed DD from me.

DD of course started crying and my mum started saying that DD obviously hated her. She then handed her to my sister and stormed out of the house. My sister gave her to DH and ran after my mum.

My mum then text me about an hour ago saying some really awful stuff which really upset me. I haven't replied to it yet.
My sister has also text me saying I have made an awful mistake and I needed to rethink the name ASAP.

But I still love DDs name the way it is.

So AIBU to keep DD s name and cause this awful family fall out or should I change DDs name to keep the peace?

She doesn't even like her name herself

Don't change your DD's name and congratulations on your lovely little baby.

What QueenArseClangers said!!

They are both tossers and need to grow the fuck up

Could you maybe add your mum's name after the first and middle names? Don't change the first or second, just add it on, as a gesture? They both sound ridiculous, and their behaviour is childish, but it might make a difference to your relationships. Of course she might have something to say about that, but at least you tried to include her.

Don't give in to her temper tantrum. It's ridiculous.

No do not add the name. Do not bow to or reward this crap

No. But tell her you'll include her name as a middle name. Then don't.

Why would you text this to your mum? It's like you're rubbing her face in it.

Because OP didn't think it would be an issue? Because she'll find out anyway and then the drama would be even worse?

Don't change anything. You're happy with the name, changing the name probably won't make your mother happy, and why would you reward behaviour like this?

She doesn't even like her name herself

Yeah, that's the point where I say OP is right, and her mother is being unreasonable. If she hates the name herself, why on earth would she want to saddle an innocent child with it?

Agree with pp don't change your DD's name. You never reward a tantrum and this is what your dm has done.
Does your sister have children? If not and they continue with the awful texts point out that if it means so much to them both your ds can use your Dms name for her DD.

Don't give in. She doesn't like the name. She doesn't deserve it.

She sounds horrible. Don't include her name. Keep it as it is.

Your mum is being horrific.

Either your mum or your MIL is going to be left out. I would certainly be more inclined to leave out the one who acts like a two year old over it. If this is par for the course with your DM and sister start demanding more respect from them or cut right back on how often you see them. It won't do you or your children any good to have a grandparent around who's sulky and unreasonable.

No no no no no! Don't you dare change a name you love to apease a spoilt brat! She doesn't deserve to have your daughter named after her. You aren't close anyway and she hates her own name.

My DS is named after both his grandads but DD isn't named after MIL, she's never expressed an opinion on it but if she did, tough, they don't get to name the child. Tell your sister you thought you would save it for her first daughter to be named after your mum .

Do Not Give In To Your Mother And Sisters Nasty Vile Bullying Behaviour!

This is YOUR DAUGHTER and your decision!

Do not change your DD's name. Your mother is acting childish. I would reply to your sister saying that maybe she should name her children after your mother.

Also it's very common these days to have 2 middle names.
My son has 2 middle names (both his grandads) so you could do that if you really felt the need to but I really don't think you should!

Honestly, of course she was going to be hurt!
And then you sent your boys away while she was playing with them, to add insult to injury.

Surely you knew it wouldn't go down well??

She's acting like a petulant child but I can understand the upset as far as she's concerned she's the only one who's name hasn't been honoured?
Why not say you'll use her name next time, and then just never produce that next child!

We had EXACTLY this with DD2, who's middle name is my DMIL's name, my mother hates both of her names, yet still threw a hissy when she found out DD2's name.

Ridiculous behaviour, I'm afraid we completely ignored the histrionics, and kept DD's name. Please don't change your DD's either, sounds like your DMIL deserves to be honoured far more than your bloody mother.

Your mum sounds narcissistic. Had she always been like this?

Regardless, she is being ridiculous. Stick to your guns.

If she hates her own name, why would she want to inflict it on your DD? Very unreasonable.

Honestly op, when I had finished reading your post I knew that in your position as soon as this happened:

She said no she didn't want to hold DD as she obviously wasn't important enough to be included in her name

I would have totally lost it, got up, said "ok, then would you kindly go fuck yourself then?" And opened the door for them both to get out of the house.

Who the fuck does she think she is?