Should I change DDs name for my mum?

[DogsKidsandchocolate]

A bit of background first, I have two boys from a previous relationship. One has my dad's name as a middle name and one has exh's dad's name as a middle name.

I should also add I don't have the best relationship with my mum. She doesn't make much effort to see us and we have never been close.

I had DD a couple of weeks ago. However due to complications we only came home on Friday. While I was in hospital I didn't want to make a final decision on DD s name. Now I'm home we are pretty sure about DDs name

I really want her middle name to be MILs first name. So we sent a text out on Monday to family telling them the name we have chosen. My mum didn't reply.

So my mum and sister came to visit DD for the first time today. Before they arrived I texted them and told them that I am still pretty unwell so could they arrive after DH had done the school run that way he can make cups of tea and run round etc.
They agreed to this, however they ended up coming just before the school run because they wanted to talk to me without DH there.

When DH left they started questioning me as to why we gave DD MIL s name rather than my mum's. I explained that we thought MILs name worked better , she will also be DH s only DC as we aren't having anymore. Also I reminded them that my mum always says that she hates her name as its old fashioned.
They said they understood that but still thought I was being really horrible and they weren't sure they could forgive me. But they would still stay because they wanted to see the DCs.

So DH arrived back with the older DCs and my mum and sister were really making a fuss of them, much more than they usually do. The DCs were finding this a bit full on so I sent them to change and grab a snack to give them a bit of space. I asked my mum if she wanted to hold DD for a little, while the boys were busy.

She said no she didn't want to hold DD as she obviously wasn't important enough to be included in her name. When the boys came back they asked her if she had held DD yet. So she stood up and grabbed DD from me.

DD of course started crying and my mum started saying that DD obviously hated her. She then handed her to my sister and stormed out of the house. My sister gave her to DH and ran after my mum.

My mum then text me about an hour ago saying some really awful stuff which really upset me. I haven't replied to it yet.
My sister has also text me saying I have made an awful mistake and I needed to rethink the name ASAP.

But I still love DDs name the way it is.

So AIBU to keep DD s name and cause this awful family fall out or should I change DDs name to keep the peace?

cant you give you baby grans name also

Agree keep the name.

Texting the name to your mum was a bit unkind as it was pretty obvious she would be upset. You should have told her first by picking up the phone or telling her face to face. Texting was a bit cowardly and didn't help the situation.

Not unreasonable, do not change it!
Some names you just genuinely like better than others. It wouldn't matter if you worshiped the ground your DM walked on and were close as could be, if you liked your MIL's name more, you liked it more. Naming a baby is bloody hard, it's going to be their identity for at least 16 years ( til can legally change it themselves if they really hate it), if not their entire . I struggle naming hamsters FFS, worrying does it suit them, is it cute, does it sound silly, will i still like it in a year etc, never mind naming i little person!
If i had been given either of my grandparents names as a middle name it would have been Irene (possibly Dorothy as she's always gone by her middle name due to disliking her first name herself), or Francis. Both old fashioned, neither i particularly like, but Irene is a lot "prettier" than Francis in my own personal opinion. As it goes my mums eldest sister got Dorothy as a middle name, and my dads middle sister got Francis as a first name, so the "passing on" had already been done. Names go in and out of fashion in generations too it seems. Irene now would be seen as a fairly unusual name but in the 30's was quite common. My dad was a fan of the royal family, my sister got the middle name Diana after princess Di, and i got Victoria (they didn't like Elizabeth).
If i had a DD with my current DP and was to give the grandparents name as a middle name i would be choosing between Shirley and Melanie, and despite loving my own (sadly deceased) DM very much, i would choose Melanie after his DM as it's more mainstream and in "style" atm.

Would she have kicked up this almighty stink had your 3rd and final DC been another boy and took your FIL's middle name because nobody had used hers? I bet she doesn't give a damn how upsetting it would be for your MIL to suddenly change her middle name from hers to your DM's, or how much of a snub that would be to her. It's kind of asking for trouble to give children grandparents or siblings names as middle names tbh, as you cannot please everybody. Nobody can guarantee how many children they will have or how many of which gender. Someone will inevitably get left out and take it personally.
It might honestly have been better to have ended the "tradition" of giving your children a grandparents middle name when you had your third and final child with a different partner, especially as you said it was something your ex had insisted on. If you genuinely love his DM's name and would have considered it regardless fair enough, but if it was solely only ever a choice between hers and your DM's names one of them would end up hurt. It absolutely does not warrant her trying to bully or guilt you to change the name though, especially when she doesnt even like it herself, and to claim your DD hates her, is plain ridiculous.

well, you mum is obviously very hurt. She has been left out OP, there is no disagreeing with that.
I have no views on the name changing. it depends on whether you think the fall out is worth it or not. Only you can know that.

Whilst you have every right to pick any name you want and yes your mum has acted very badly over this, I do think she has a point being upset at you naming your child directly after your mil. You should have expected a reaction (although maybe not as bad as you got!)

No way. Don't change the name. Your mum has behaved ridiculously. She should be apologising to you.

My child doesn't have any middle names as my mother reacted in the same way when I said what her names were going to be (also mils). Child is 20. Have recently told her the names we had chosen and she said she would have loved to have them as middle names.... go with your first choice, she'll get over it.

Not read the full thread.
Tell your mother and sister to f**k off. You named your child what you wantEd to. It has absolutely jack all to do with them what you call your dd. Your mother and sister are just behaving like spoilt brats.
Pure nastiness from both of them today. I would be refusing all contact until they apologise properly for their disgusting behaviour.