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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Leaving toddler in the car to go into a shop.

202 replies

lbsjob87 · 01/02/2017 20:04

During discussions over dinner about our day, OH mentioned he'd popped into the Post Office to post an EBay parcel.
I said to DS "Did Daddy take you to see Postman Pat?"
He said "No, I in car".
DH then said "I was in and out in two minutes and I could see him all the time, it was quicker than getting him out."
Knowing the shop in question, this is possible, but even so, is it reasonable to leave a 2 year old unattended for even a few minutes? He had to get the parcel weighed so couldn't just drop it in the postbox.
He says he can't see the problem, and it's no different to paying for petrol and leaving him to go and pay.
(I try not to get petrol when DCs are in the car, and take them into the shop if it's unavoidable).
AIBU?

OP posts:

MERLYPUSSEDOFF · 04/02/2017 10:51

According to the BBC website 14 out of over 228, 000 Zafiras have caught fire. Didn't say if they were stationary or not.

The Sun says all 228,000 are at risk of catching fire. (which I suppose IS technically true but highly unlikely).

It's personal choice after all. I chose to leave my sleeping twins, in the car, on my drive when they were babies. I got torched alive when I said as much (car parked in rear garden with back door open). How do people take shopping upstairs if they live in a flat with a child too?

This always comes up and the general consensus is you're either a helicopter parent or a slacker. No one will win this. No middle ground. Your kids - your choice.

whateverandever · 04/02/2017 11:04

This is definitely one of those grey areas. I think you really need to use your common sense and judgement.

I always leave DC in car at the petrol station. Safer in car and can be seen at all times. Seems to be socially acceptable also!

I would never leave them in a supermarket car park or anywhere similar where I was out of sight of the car. I believe this is not a judgment call - it's just wrong.

I have very occasionally left a sleeping (harnessed unable to undo belt) DC parked right in front of a chemist or post office, only when I can literally park at the door, see the car from inside and run in and out. However, I do find myself a little uncomfortable, but more that I will be seen and judged than that I feel it is actually wrong or unsafe .

Whosafraidofabigduckfart · 04/02/2017 11:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TedEriksen · 04/02/2017 12:30

I think everyone is missing the most important point that you are mum, you are the boss here and you decide what your rest comfortable with and what you're not comfortable with. If you don't want him to do this he shouldn't.

Bullshit - mum's are not 'bosses'.
The children were in the care of their dad, therefore it's up to him.

I would do this for getting fuel or nipping into the corner shop for a pint of milk, but not for a supermarket run.

mrscupcake · 04/02/2017 17:55

I wouldn't, simply because years ago I parked my car and went into a shop, within a few minutes the car had burst into flames. A small child would have died from smoke inhalation in that car, the car seemed absolutely fine when I parked up. I still shudder about it.

DagenhamRoundhouse · 04/02/2017 17:57

If you lock the car while toddler still in it, won't movement of said toddler set off the alarm?

jayne1976 · 04/02/2017 18:27

Wouldn't at that age, think it could cause a lot of tears, small risk but yes car could be hit etc.

zippey · 04/02/2017 18:42

It's about how you perceive risk. If you can't leave your child alone in a car then I'd say you are irresponsible for driving with a child in car in the first place as it carries a higher risk.

bellie710 · 04/02/2017 18:45

No 2 people will have the same perception of risk, as most of us have different situations.

I do not lock my house when I go out, my car is outside with the keys in it, there has never been a crime in my area. I live in the middle of nowhere really and would happily leave my kids asleep in the car outside, (they are older now but I did when they were young).

However if I was in London none of the above would happen, so really to have a proper insight into whether a situation was misjudged you need to know all of the facts. People saying they never leave kids in the car etc if they live in Australia or are in a hot country or it is just summer here the risks are obviously much higher and probably everyone would have the same opinion - take them with you.

JackLottiesMum · 04/02/2017 18:53

Sorry but I wouldn't do it.

Needmorechocolate · 04/02/2017 19:38

I do it. I do it at the petrol station and also at nursery drop off for my youngest (car is actually out of sight for the two mins it takes me to drop off). I would't do it for more than a couple of minutes though. I have four children (ages 1 to 7) and I personally think it is sometimes safer leaving them in the car than marching them all across a car park with the risk of one of them being hit by a car!

Roomster101 · 04/02/2017 19:43

I wouldn't just in case they got upset and tried to get out. The fact that they haven't done it yet doesn't mean they won't manage it if determined.
There also is the security issue as while they are less likely to be stolen than cash left on the seat they are a lot more precious.
The only time I would have considered leaving my children in the car is if I judged it to be unavoidable and safer. I never was for me and I doubt that it is for many other people that do it.

Roomster101 · 04/02/2017 19:50

It's about how you perceive risk. If you can't leave your child alone in a car then I'd say you are irresponsible for driving with a child in car in the first place as it carries a higher risk.

Just because there are more car accidents than accidents due to children being left in the car doesn't necessarily mean driving is a higher risk. People drive in cars all the time whereas children are left alone in cars for a fraction of time, if at all so the difference in accidents could very probably be due to that.

user1472334322 · 04/02/2017 19:52

I sometimes do at the petrol station when I can see the car, but try to go to pay at the pump. I don't like leaving ds (2) on his own but feel better if ds (5) is also there as then they have each other. I always take them in when going to a shop even though it's more trouble than it's worth at times!

I know some one who used to leave dc in car when doing a nursery drop off and didn't even lock the car! Used to really scare me as anyone could have taken her dc out of the car as you couldn't see it from the nursery! Not worth the chance imo.

zippey · 04/02/2017 20:02

Driving a car is a high risk activity. Leaving toddler alone in a car for 15 minutes or less is lower risk, relatively speaking.

Middleagedmumoftwo · 04/02/2017 20:04

My mum left me outside woolies in my pram and went home before realising she'd forgotten me (40+ years ago) to be honest I wouldn't be worried if it was right outside and in sight.

StarlingMurderation · 04/02/2017 20:10

My mum did this with my brother! There were two doors to Woolies, she left him outside one, went out of the other and was halfway home before she remembered! Luckily it was downhill all the way to town.

snowone · 04/02/2017 20:30

I do it all the time!! My DD likes it especially when the car alarm goes off!!

Cocopopsrule · 04/02/2017 20:39

After another mum told me she left her sleeping toddler (3 yo) in the car to run to the bakery across the road and looked up when in the shop to see

kid had woken, unstrapped himself, unlocked the car from the inside and was about to run across and into the road to her and was only stopped by a passerby

No, I wouldn't.

Roomster101 · 04/02/2017 21:11

Driving a car is a high risk activity. Leaving toddler alone in a car for 15 minutes or less is lower risk, relatively speaking.

How do you know? The risk may be a lot higher.

HoHumming · 04/02/2017 21:17

When I lick the door of my car and put on the alarm, the alarm doesn't go off if somebody moves inside the car.

Childlocks prevent the doors from being opened on the inside. I must try to see if I can open it from the passenger door when inside and when it is alarmed.

My child can take off the car seat buckle but has never left the seat.

grannytomine · 04/02/2017 21:33

We have a saying in my house and it is What would the coroner say? If you would feel OK about standing in the witness box and explaining what you have done then it is OK, if you think you would look an idiot trying to explain your actions then don't do it. It works for me.

grannytomine · 04/02/2017 21:35

HoHumming, I can't help but smile at the idea of setting your alarm by licking the door of your car. I keep picturing you in a busy car park licking the door and people wondering what you are doing.

HoHumming · 04/02/2017 22:53

Saturday night

goodeyebrows · 05/02/2017 07:45

My DS was a terrible sleeper so I'd always have to take him out in the car to get him to nap and the whole world would have ended if he was woken up. I would have gone insane just sitting in my car for two hours everyday so I used to pop into shops, the post office, the petrol station, anything to use up some of the time. Or I'd go to a friends house that had a driveway and pop in for a coffee. My DH and some of my friends used to hate it but I said until you had to live through it you couldn't really judge.

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