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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Leaving toddler in the car to go into a shop.

202 replies

lbsjob87 · 01/02/2017 20:04

During discussions over dinner about our day, OH mentioned he'd popped into the Post Office to post an EBay parcel.
I said to DS "Did Daddy take you to see Postman Pat?"
He said "No, I in car".
DH then said "I was in and out in two minutes and I could see him all the time, it was quicker than getting him out."
Knowing the shop in question, this is possible, but even so, is it reasonable to leave a 2 year old unattended for even a few minutes? He had to get the parcel weighed so couldn't just drop it in the postbox.
He says he can't see the problem, and it's no different to paying for petrol and leaving him to go and pay.
(I try not to get petrol when DCs are in the car, and take them into the shop if it's unavoidable).
AIBU?

OP posts:
Shuntyfull · 03/02/2017 22:06

At a petrol station - the staff do recommend leaving any children in the car. A forecourt is not a safe place to have small children or toddlers about.

ragdoll700 · 03/02/2017 22:06

It was a Opel Zafira scary because we have one thankfully not one that was affected and Im in Ireland too the car was taken from a local petrol station and abandoned a couple of miles out the road we assume when he discovered the child in the back we dont know thankfully the child was ok shook up but ok

Oakmaiden · 03/02/2017 22:10

I think everyone is missing the most important point that you are mum, you are the boss here and you decide what your rest comfortable with and what you're not comfortable with. If you don't want him to do this he shouldn't.

Because fathers aren't allowed to use their judgement when caring for their own children?

pallasathena · 03/02/2017 22:13

No. There's a risk that things could go very badly wrong and I wouldn't take that risk just as I would never leave a very young child unattended.
You have a duty of care that is based upon fundamental principles of personal accountability and mature responsibility.

pallasathena · 03/02/2017 22:15

And you are not the 'boss', for heaven's sake. You are supposed to be the responsible primary care giver...I despair sometimes....

user1471505498 · 03/02/2017 22:16

I did used to leave my DDs in the car when I paid for petrol, but I only did it when they were fast asleep. I wouldn't have done it if they were awake for fear that they might be scared, or might climb out of their seat.

Whosafraidofabigduckfart · 03/02/2017 22:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

4newts · 03/02/2017 22:18

I don't think I would leave my just turned 3 year old on his own unless he was asleep and I was parked right outside the shop/school so I could see him all the time. He would probably get upset and is generally good in shops anyway so not an issue to take him with me. I do sometimes leave him in the car with my 7 year old while I go and pay for fuel or something quick as they giggle and chat away to each other. Wouldn't ever go into a supermarket or anything that takes more than 2 minutes. I do tend to just avoid going to shops/petrol station if possible at all when I have them with me. Your husband has obviously assessed the risks and did what he thought best though so I don't think I would be furious with my DH for it but maybe suggest he waits until he doesn't have your LO with him to run errands xx

GreatScot8 · 03/02/2017 22:19

Do you get him out of the car every time you go to the petrol station?

If the answer is no, then you've really no reason to consider this different.

HappyFlappy · 03/02/2017 22:20

I would never do it. What if another car shunted yours? Or if your child wiggled free of his safety seat and knocked the brake off? Of put something not the cigar lighter and set the car on fire?

Some years agoDH and I were taking our shopping back to the car in Asda. There was a toddler (around 18 months wandering around the car park). I took him onto the walkway while DH went to fetch a security guard who took him into the store. As we were loading the car up I saw a very worried-looking young woman peering between the cars. Asked if she was looking for her baby - she was. I told her where to find him. Apparently he had been asleep in the car so she hadn't taken him into the shop - just cracked the window a few inches and left him. He'd woken up and managed to climb out and go looking for her.

HappyFlappy · 03/02/2017 22:21

*into, not not

Whosafraidofabigduckfart · 03/02/2017 22:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Greenifer · 03/02/2017 22:48

It's all very well saying 'if your child can't undo themselves it's OK' but actually, you know, that's the kind of thing they learn suddenly and usually at the most unwelcome time (just like climbing out of a cot etc).

zoemaguire · 03/02/2017 22:52

"most people think the difference is that if something bad happens and the parent is there, they can react."

I can see that it might make you feel better knowing you were there if there was an accident, but in terms of actual risk, it's still a hugely higher risk taking your child out of the car than leaving them in there (strapped in and with the doors locked) especially if the journey involves going across a busy carpark or road. Taking your kids out of the car and across a petrol station forecourt is especially ridiculous.

TheMysteriousJackelope · 03/02/2017 22:52

I didn't leave my children in the car on their own because I worried about them undoing their seat straps and getting out. They are capable of doing that at the age of two and there is a first time for everything. It is particularly dangerous in car parks and petrol stations as drivers are looking for cars and adult sized pedestrians, not 2' tall pedestrians running around in a panic looking for their parents.

bellie710 · 03/02/2017 23:07

HappyFlappy really??

What if you take the child out the car and another car runs you over, what if you go in a shop and someone holds it up and you get shot, what if your shopping trolley tips over and your child gets injured! There are so many what ifs you could put in your day. People have to take calculated risks and if your child is in his seat, can see you and is in a safe area these risks are low.

Does anyone know anyone who has lit a cigarette lighter in a car and accidentally set the car on fire?

HoHumming · 03/02/2017 23:07

I do it all the time when dropping my child at preschool. I will switch on the tv in my bedroom and take a quick shower while my toddler is watching tv. I will run out to the outside bins and throw rubbish in while my toddler is playing inside. I try to cook dinner in the kitchen while my toddler is playing in other rooms. I hang out washing while my toddler is busy playing. I vacuum rooms in the house other than the room my toddler is in. I don't feel like I'm a bad mum.

Sweets101 · 03/02/2017 23:12

I do this at the petrol station, I can see the car and is safer than taking 4 young children across the forecourt. But one awake toddler into the post office? That just sounds lazy tbh.

HappyFlappy · 03/02/2017 23:13

bellie

Yes. Really.

I always considered my children too precious to risk.

And no - I wouldn't leave a child in the car while I went to pay for petrol.

bellie710 · 03/02/2017 23:27

Oh well HappyFlappy my kids are obviously not precious enough but fortunately i don't have a cigarette lighter in my car so they should be ok

Whosafraidofabigduckfart · 03/02/2017 23:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

zoemaguire · 03/02/2017 23:37

HappyFlappy if you take your child across the forecourt in a petrol station, you are letting your faulty risk perception put your child at unnecessary extra risk. Many garages explicitly tell you that you should leave your child in the car because it is SAFER.

Bellie yeah my kids aren't precious either, I take all sorts of risks with them just for the hell of it. We like to play chicken together on the motorway after school, good wholesome fun.

bellie710 · 03/02/2017 23:47

Zoemaguire glad I'm not the only one out there, risking my children's live daily ;)

bellie710 · 03/02/2017 23:49

*lives

LoveMyLittleSuperhero · 04/02/2017 00:09

I wouldn't, and I work in a petrol station, I think children are safer crossing the forecourt holding a parents hand than alone in the car but that is my opinion.
Questions about leaving a child for a few minutes always make me think of James Bulger, his mom turned her back for a few seconds and he was gone. If someone wants to take a child they will, why make mine an easier target. Saying that as I said that's my personal opinion, and my personal feeling on the matter. Others feel differently and that's their choice. With grey areas like this it's up to each parent to decide what their situation requires.