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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Leaving toddler in the car to go into a shop.

202 replies

lbsjob87 · 01/02/2017 20:04

During discussions over dinner about our day, OH mentioned he'd popped into the Post Office to post an EBay parcel.
I said to DS "Did Daddy take you to see Postman Pat?"
He said "No, I in car".
DH then said "I was in and out in two minutes and I could see him all the time, it was quicker than getting him out."
Knowing the shop in question, this is possible, but even so, is it reasonable to leave a 2 year old unattended for even a few minutes? He had to get the parcel weighed so couldn't just drop it in the postbox.
He says he can't see the problem, and it's no different to paying for petrol and leaving him to go and pay.
(I try not to get petrol when DCs are in the car, and take them into the shop if it's unavoidable).
AIBU?

OP posts:
Zippidydoodah · 03/02/2017 18:03

Here's a scenario for you: school carpark is at the bottom of a long drive, and it takes about 5-10 minutes to walk up, the drive, drop the kids off, and walk back to the car. One of the mums leaves her three year old in the car most mornings while she drops off the other one. Is this ok?

7SunshineSeven7 · 03/02/2017 18:04

Zippidydoodah So say it takes her 10mins to walk down, 5/10mins to drop the kids off (if she has to get them settled etc) and 10mins to walk back.

Now add all of that time up. No its not going to leave her 3 year old in the car for what is a minimum of 20 minutes out of sight. Hmm

Zippidydoodah · 03/02/2017 18:34

Nope, 5-10 mins in total.

No I suppose it's not right....she doesn't think anything of it though!

7SunshineSeven7 · 03/02/2017 18:37

Well even if its ten minutes in total, its still too long to have your child out of sight for. Would you even leave your 3 year old alone in the house for ten minutes or more without being able to glance in on them?

neversleepagain · 03/02/2017 20:06

I don't see a problem with it either.

I have twins ao two car seats plus a parcel would be very difficult to manage. I always leave mine in the car as long as I can see the car.

BillyNotQuiteNoMates · 03/02/2017 20:23

Give done it, I'd do it today, but I wouldn't tell anyone else to do it because I'd worry that for anything went wrong I'd feel guilty. My child, my judgement. Follow your own instinct, but allow your DH to do the same.

Megatherium · 03/02/2017 20:31

If your husband could see him all the time, he wasn't unattended.

Yogimummy123 · 03/02/2017 20:32

1 child to post office isn't that much trouble & id take both mine with me. They can get out & do things to the handbrake. It's a close one when u can see them the whole time. Is different to petrol station cos it's more dangerous to cross the forecourt with vehicles moving around & flammable stuff everywhere - def best left in car & esp if more than 1 to control! If I had one baby asleep in car seat & I could see them the whole time I'd do it & think I have but literally for less than a min. Not like when I was brought up - we were left in the car for ages (20 min or so) listening to audiobooks while parents went shopping, must've been school age at that point tho

MomOfTwins2 · 03/02/2017 20:34

When my DDs were young I would never ever have left them in the car, except for at the petrol station where I was using Pay at Pump. My ex left them in the car when they were 3, while he went and did a week's shop at the Co-op. I absolutely freaked out when I heard, and I don't think he's dared to it since - he knows they would tell me anyway lol.

Now that they're 8 I leave them in the car for a very quick 2-minute shop, but I still wouldn't leave them alone for much longer than that. Any bloody thing could happen not least of all killing each other!

One of the school dads used to leave a 1-year old in the car, not even strapped in, while he dropped the other kids off at school. Most people walking by phoned the police, and he never did it again.

TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 03/02/2017 20:45

Meh. He made a judgement call. No doubt if there was a long queue he would have reconsidered.

I would do this but I can't lock the kids in the car without the movement sensors activating so it's a bit of a walk of shame when the car alarm is screaming and your kids are frantically pretending they did nothing 😂 While really they've attempted to climb into the front of the car or batter each other.
So I don't leave them in the car alone unless I am happy to leave them in in an unlocked car, unattended. I live in London with on street parking so you can imagine the opportunities to do much more than swear that you've forgotten your umbrella and reopen the front door etc.

bellie710 · 03/02/2017 20:49

I used to do this all the time, depends on where you are but if you can see the car and it's locked not a problem in my opinion.

zoemaguire · 03/02/2017 21:07

I don't understand what is going through people's heads here, I really don't. Have you never encountered the concept of relative probabilities?!!! Yes, another car could ram into your parked one. Yes, I guess the car could spontaneously combust while parked with the engine off. (About as likely as a meteorite strike, but hey). But on the other hand, a car might run into you and your child as you crossed the car park or the road. Now let's see, which of those possibilities is the more likely one?Hmm.

IamChipmunk · 03/02/2017 21:11

I have two dc and it would take far longer to get them both out, into post office and back again than for me to dash in for two or three mins.
They can't get out of their seats, they are locked in and alarm on (internal motion sensor off).
Each to their own.

fluffiny31 · 03/02/2017 21:14

I wouldn't do it. Ever. It's a pain getting them out and then putting them back in but i wouldn't risk anything happening i don't have much good luck though.

BettyOBarley · 03/02/2017 21:19

I do it at the petrol station as I can see the car the whole time but I wouldn't do it where I couldn't see the car.

I once did it at the parcel collection depot when DD was about 2, the door was open so I could see there was no queue. I was in and out in about 2 mins but when I got back to the car DD was sobbing her heart out and I felt terrible so haven't done it since.

Oh I tell a lie there is a shop where I do collect+ from occasionally where I can see the car through the window but I still feel very uneasy and if there is a queue I'll come away and go back another time.

Talith · 03/02/2017 21:30

It really depends on the location. I have hauled them out in some situations where I could see them the whole time and conversely left them strapped in for a few mins. Very hard to say what the criteria were.

Lindalmsm · 03/02/2017 21:30

I have to leave my 5 and 2 year old in car sometimes. I'm single mum, 5 year old autistic, with sensory processing disorder, and often cannot and will not enter a shop. So I pop to corner shop at times for essentials with no choice but to leave them parked near door. They attend separate childcare / schools and again, 5 year old cannot enter when I drop off 2 year old so waits in car, parked outside door or window of nursery, whilst I drop off 2 year old. There is no option here as anyone with child with autism will know.

ragdoll700 · 03/02/2017 21:33

Those that say I do this all the time have you ever wondered what you would do if the car went on fire? Oh sure I locked it its ok no one can take the car/them, makes it harder to get them out should something like this go wrong. It can happen I've seen it happen had a good ending meaning the kid was ok but may not have if the car had exploded. Id never never leave my child in the car ever. Madness.

Whosafraidofabigduckfart · 03/02/2017 21:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

7SunshineSeven7 · 03/02/2017 21:53

zoemaguire I think most people think the difference is that if something bad happens and the parent is there, they can react. People will understand they were present and probably tried to help their child. However when a parent leaves a child and something happens the parents and other people will always wonder ''What if I was there?'' They wonder if they could have done something. Whereas if they're there and something bad happens they can at least know they were present and did what they could IYSWIM

ragdoll700 · 03/02/2017 21:56

Yes Whosafraidofabigduckfart it was one of the most scary things Ive ever seen it was an electrical fire I saw since that make and model were recalled to fix this particular problem why would I lie? I also know someone who had their car and child stolen from a petrol station. Its a stupid thing to do.

Whosafraidofabigduckfart · 03/02/2017 22:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Whosafraidofabigduckfart · 03/02/2017 22:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Jenniferb21 · 03/02/2017 22:04

I think everyone is missing the most important point that you are mum, you are the boss here and you decide what your rest comfortable with and what you're not comfortable with. If you don't want him to do this he shouldn't.

I would never do this simply because however small the risk, risks are not worth taking with babies and children. I would be furious if my husband did this because it's laziness. Yes it's easier to leave them in the car but would they forgive themself if something did happen? Is it worth risking anything for saving a few minutes of time and effort? My little boy is 10 months if I'm running in a shop I'll just take him out the car seat and carry him that takes less than 2 minutes rather than setting up the pram.

This would be an awful thing to do in spring/ summer when cars can get terribly hot young children can very easily overheat and become unwell.

Everyone is different and I'm sure some people think this is absolutely fine but I don't think you aren't unreasonable to be cautious it isn't a mothers instinc to be protective and cautious.

Jenniferb21 · 03/02/2017 22:06

Sorry typing on my phone let to typos! I was meaning to say it IS a mother's instinct to be cautious x