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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Leaving toddler in the car to go into a shop.

202 replies

lbsjob87 · 01/02/2017 20:04

During discussions over dinner about our day, OH mentioned he'd popped into the Post Office to post an EBay parcel.
I said to DS "Did Daddy take you to see Postman Pat?"
He said "No, I in car".
DH then said "I was in and out in two minutes and I could see him all the time, it was quicker than getting him out."
Knowing the shop in question, this is possible, but even so, is it reasonable to leave a 2 year old unattended for even a few minutes? He had to get the parcel weighed so couldn't just drop it in the postbox.
He says he can't see the problem, and it's no different to paying for petrol and leaving him to go and pay.
(I try not to get petrol when DCs are in the car, and take them into the shop if it's unavoidable).
AIBU?

OP posts:
Mrsglitterfairy · 01/02/2017 23:34

I've done it when mine were little if I could see the car from where I was. Usually when picking older DS up from school, if I got there early I could park opposite where he came out and was often so much easier leaving younger DS who was 2/3 at the time in the car. Childlocks on the inside, locked from the outside and could always see the car. Same goes for petrol stations. I do it more so now but they're 5 & 9.

foxyloxy78 · 01/02/2017 23:35

I could never do that and would not be happy if my DH did that. You never know what could happen. Quite irresponsible.

Prompto · 01/02/2017 23:37

If the car is parked up, in sight at all times and the child is secured/doors are locked then I don't see a problem with leaving them in the car.

stonecircle · 01/02/2017 23:48

I'm sure there was a news story a few years ago about a bloke who popped into a chemist, leaving his toddler in her car seat. A policeman saw the child unattended and it ended up with social services getting involved.

Bubbinsmakesthree · 02/02/2017 02:52

don't drink hot drink when with my toddlers bibbin.

Which is pretty sensible really given the scalding risk, but I've never seen a thread on here judging people for drinking tea. Whereas the 'leaving child in car' thing pops up every few weeks, accompanied by the same links to newsworthy-because-it's-so-incredibly-rare stories about car thefts etc.

Personally I don't feel comfortable leaving my child in the car but that's not the same thing as thinking it's inherently risky.

emmyrose2000 · 02/02/2017 03:32

I never did it. Not worth the risk.

Recently, there've been quite a few car jackings where I live where an unattended baby/child/toddler has also been taken with the car after an irresponsible parent just left the child in a car "for a few minutes".

Also where I live, a child could die or require medical treatment if left in a car without air conditioning or an open window for even a few minutes (and an ajar window opens up an entirely different set of problems).

SuperVeggie · 02/02/2017 03:41

The crucial things here I think would be:

  1. Can you definitely see the child the whole time, so would know if anything bad was happening
  2. Are you sure the child can't get out of the carseat on their own
  3. Would the child be ok if you went in without them and wouldn't get upset

If the answer to all 3 is yes then I think it is fine. I can think of several shops I know where you could park outside and go in and be less than 5 metres from the child the whole time and see them no problem. That is less than if you go out in the garden while DCs are in the house.

Also, the chances of someone stealing your car and children is so very very low and it doesn't make sense to live according to the 'worst case scenario' the whole time. The chances of being in a normal car accident while driving are far higher, but that doesn't mean people never drive kids in cars does it? If we all constantly lived according to 'the worst that could happen' then we'd never leave the house.

schokolade · 02/02/2017 03:43

I wouldn't because my DD would be upset. She can also open her car seat and is obsessed with the handbrake.

languagelearner · 02/02/2017 03:57

Leaving a baby or toddler in the car is a big no-no. It's a bad habit, because if you take to it, you might easily do it on a warmer day too, without thinking about it, when the sun is shining and the temperature inside the car heat up to dangerous levels pretty quickly. Quite often you hear about police having to break into the car in order to rescue lonely toddlers out of those hot cars, and this happens not only during the summer months. (Dogs shouldn't be left in cars either unless the back of the car is entirely open so the hot air doesn't stay inside the car.)

Bluntness100 · 02/02/2017 04:08

I would not do this and I don't think it's ok, he clearly would have had to have his attention elsewhere whilst being served as he had to intereact with that person behind the counter.

Baileys addict, I'm relatively new here but even I know there is many many different types of members, having given birth is not a requirement to post and neither is being female, and I don't think it's ok to challenge people because you personally believe that is the criteria. just saying you don't "mean to be rude" doesn't change the fact you are adtually being rude.

MrsBlennerhassett · 02/02/2017 04:08

I might do it if i really had to but not just for the sake of a few mins. I used to have to leave my baby in the house while i walked slightly down the road because all the bins were at the end of this road and i couldnt carry the baby and the bin bags at the same time (very uneven ground on a hill with steps up the back) and that always scared me witless. Had to do it tho as my partner was away for two weeks and the rubbish would never have been collected and just sat there.
I do remember my parents leaving me in the car at a very young age at supermarkets etc. I was never scared or anything.
I actually envy parents chilled out enough to take small risks like this, and i do think it is a very small risk but still i would probably be unable to do it except in a real emergency.

Mummyoflittledragon · 02/02/2017 04:23

I once left dd in the car to get calpol as she was really poorly - she was maybe 4. You can park directly outside the chemist. I was waving the whole time. I would not have been comfortable leaving dd as a toddler alone in case she got out. She has always liked to come with me to pay at the petrol station and yes, it is a faff but I know she's safe with me. I now very occasionally leave her if there is no pay at the pump and we are in a rush but I need to be able to see her all the time. She's 8.

GruochMacAlpin · 02/02/2017 04:36

A friend used to do this all the time and was very blasé about it.

Right up until the day her car was stolen with her sleeping child in it from outside he local pharmacy.

The thief realised and abandoned the car in the next street and the child was unharmed but the Mum was (understandably) hysterical and went into shock.

Peanutandphoenix · 02/02/2017 05:16

When me and my sister where kids my mum never ever left us in the car on our own she still refuses to now even though we are adults it's because she says our grandad would kill her if he ever found out because when my mum was a kid 2 kids from across the street where playing in their parents car because they refused to get out so the parents left them playing and the car went up in the flames with the kids trapped inside they couldn't get the kids out because the car had been locked all anyone could do was stand there and listen to kids screaming for help. They still don't know why the car went up in flames but to this day my mum still refuses to leave anyone locked in a car. So YANBU to be angry at your Dh even though he could see the car anything could've happened while he was gone. Always take your kids out of the car no matter what.

Shadowboy · 02/02/2017 06:05

I do it if they are asleep. If I can see the car from the shop/petrol station. The faff of waking them up/getting them out/opening up the pushchair etc etc is far too much to warrant getting them out for a 2 minute job in the shop. I'd always get tjem out if I was in a supermarket of the car park is a distance from the shop itself.

Kiwiinkits · 02/02/2017 07:27

Meh, I have three kids. Do it all the time. Pain in the arse to take them in and out of the car all the time. They're fine.

user1485706893 · 02/02/2017 07:36

I think it depends on the child and area, I'll leave my dd occasionally in the car outside the co op if I can see her for example but I wouldn't outside the post office because I can't see the car and it's a bad area. At my mums however I wouldn't see it as a problem, she lives in a nice village and literally nothing happens there, I know there's exceptions but if you live your life by the exception you'll never go outside lol.

Screwinthetuna · 02/02/2017 07:46

I think it's fine,I do it when I'm going to be quick and not for away. I lock the door so don't see the problem.

Some cultures leave their babies/toddlers in prams outside shops; I have a much bigger problem with this than being locked in a car.

TomHardyswife · 02/02/2017 07:46

I used to do it.

Until I was parked on a street that was on a slope, whilst I popped into a hairdressers to quickly book an appointment. DS was in my view and sitting happily in his car seat. Next thing, to my horror, I watched my DS climb out of his car seat and let the handbrake off the car.

The car rolled down the side street straight across a busy main road, mounted the pavement, and finally stopped inches away from the glass frontage of a huge carpet shop.. A double decker bus had to do an emergency stop as the car rolled right in front of it!

It all happened in slow motion but those were the worst few minutes of my life.

user1485706893 · 02/02/2017 07:48

My nan left my mum outside a shop in the 60's... she forgot about her and went home for an hour before she realised! She only had her then so she never had an excuse. Wishful thinking we call it (laughing).

Runningbutnotscared · 02/02/2017 07:48

It's a bad habit, because if you take to it, you might easily do it on a warmer day too, without thinking about it, when the sun is shining and the temperature inside the car heat up to dangerous levels pretty quickly.

Now that wins The mumsnet bingo prize!
You can't honestly think that in the U.K. A car can heat up to dangerous levels in the time it takes you to pay for petrol?
Perhaps you live in a particularly hot part of the uk? Or a place with very very long petrol paying queues?

And as for the people whose car gets stolen with toddlers inside, lock your car doors.

MrsDustyBusty · 02/02/2017 15:26

I would never leave a locked door between me and my baby. I think that's an incredibly dangerous thing to do. A car with a toddler locked inside is not safe.

stonecircle · 02/02/2017 15:46

www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/law-and-order/11249091/Father-prosecuted-after-leaving-daughter-in-car-for-ten-minutes.html

This article would suggest it's not such a good idea.

Mumzypopz · 02/02/2017 15:50

There are a few different issues here. Going into a shop out of view is one thing, and could be deemed unsuitable, however popping to the kiosk to pay for petrol is another. At my petrol station you are literally yards away from the car and could be back in seconds.

Mumzypopz · 02/02/2017 15:51

Stonecircle....That dad left the child for ten mins, it wouldn't take that long to pay for petrol, and if they prosecuted every parent that did that, the courts would be full.